The Unexpurgated French Edition of Fanny Hill Memoirs of a Woman of Pleasure
by John Cleland
(BH-901)


PUBLISHER'S PREFACE 

Although Fanny Hill was published over 200 years ago. her story appears 
everlasting. It deals with the memoirs of a reformed woman of the town, 
describing the steps by which she was led into the paths of vice and infamy. 
Shortly after its publication, a London magazine (The Monthly Review) 
discussed the book in its April, 1750 issue. Noting that some persons had 
voiced a strong prejudice against it. the Review stated: 

Yet it does not appear to us that this book has anything in it more 
offensive to decency, or delicacy of sentiment and expression, than our 
novels and books of entertainment in general have. For in truth they are 
most of them (especially our comedies, and not a few of out-tragedies) but 
too faulty in this respect. 

The author of Fanny Hill does not seem to have expressed anything with a 
view to countenance the practice of any immoralities, but merely to exhibit 
truth and nature to the world, and to lay open those mysteries of iniquities 
that, in our opinion, need only be exposed to view, in order to their being 
abhored and shunned by those who might otherwise unwarily fall into them. 
The style has a peculiar neatness and the characters are naturally drawn ... 
As to the step lately taken to suppress this book, we really are at a loss 
to account for it, yet perhaps all wonder on this head will cease, when we 
consider how liable great men are to be misinformed, how frequently obliged 
to see with other men's eyes, and hear with other people's ears. 

When Fanny Hill was recently published in hard cover under the title Memoirs 
of a Woman of Pleasure by another publishing house, it was reviewed by John 
K. Hutchens for the New York Herald Tribune in a manner not unlike that of 
the Monthly Review. Fanny Hill was introduced as follows: 

A country girl born to the name of Frances Hill, but better known as Fanny, 
comes out of the shadows where she has been lurking these 214 years, and if 
you think for a moment that she seems embarrassed you couldn't be more 
mistaken. 

Good morning, Miss Hill. Have a nice day. 

Discussing the author, John Cleland, and his choice of words. Mr. Hutchens 
says: 

... Cleland's vocabulary, as compared with say, Henry Miller's in Tropic of 
Cancer, is as a Virgillian pastoral to the witticisms scrawled on a lavatory 
wall. Its narrative, though it touches now and then on sexual aberration, is 
a healthy love song when placed beside the homosexual whimperings of a whole 
school of modern fiction. 

As to the book itself, Mr. Hutchens says: 

To be sure, as he follows Fanny from her village near Liverpool through the 
world of London harlotry. the reader will indeed learn much about 
18th-century England. And, yes, there is one scene of rousing low comedy 
wherein a jaded gentleman pays a handsome fee for what he believes to be the 
deflowering of a provincial maiden, and is deceived with consummate 
artistry. 

But beyond that, while it seems ungracious to say so about a girl as 
agreeable as Fanny, her story is sort of dull. So persistently priapic a 
chronicle as Cleland's invites monotony, as he himself admits at one point 
in it.... 

... I fear that there is also something wistful in the realization that 
after all these years in the shadows, except for brief journeys into 
anthologies, Fanny and her adventures are far less wicked than alleged: just 
an innately good girl, making a living as best she could, and enjoying 
herself. Good-by and good luck. Miss Hill. After its publication, the New 
York authorities attempted to have the book suppressed as an obscene work. 
At the trial, highly qualified and eminent literary figures testified for 
the book. Among those so testifying were J. Donald Adams, writer, publisher, 
presently Contributing Editor of the New York Sunday Times Book Review, with 
which he has been associated for 40 years, IS of which were as Editor of 
said Book Review; John Hollander, poet. Assistant Professor of English 
Literature at Yale University, Book Reviewer for many literary quarterlies, 
New York Times, New York Herald Tribune, London Guardian and London Sunday 
Times; Louis Untermeyer, well-known u liter, poet and literary critic; 
Gerald Willen. formerly Chairman of the Department of English, Fairleigh 
Dickinson University, and Assistant Professor of English at Hunter College; 
and Eric Bentley. Editor of Dramatic Literature and Chairman of the Program 
of the Arts it Columbia University. 

After hearing their testimony, the Honorable Arthur G. Klein, Justice of the 
New York State Supreme Court, found the book to be not obscene in a landmark 
opinion. This opinion will stand with others, such as Judge Wool-sey's, 
liberating Ulysses by James Joyce; Judge van Pelt Bryan's liberating Lady 
Chatterley's Lover by D. H. Lawrence; Mr. Justice Douglas' opinion, freeing 
Esquire Magazine; and Judge Bok's opinion, freeing the Studs Lonigan trilogy 
by James T. Farrell; A World I Never Made, by James T. Farrell; Sanctuary by 
William Faulkner; Wild Palms by William Faulkner; God's Little Acre by 
Erskine Caldwell; End as a Man by Caldo Willingham and Never Love a Stranger 
by Harold Robbins. It will also stand with the classic opinion of Justice 
Tobriner of the California Supreme Court holding Tropic of Cancer by Henry 
Miller to be a work of art protected by the free speech provisions of the 
First Amendment. 

In finding Fanny Hill not obscene. Judge Klein said: 

... Since no two books are exactly alike, each book must be separately 
fudged and from an examination of the leading cases on the subject, it is 
apparent that there exists no automatically controlling precedent. 

The United States Supreme Court has set up several standards by which a book 
is to be judged, and it is well settled that a book must fail these 
standards before it may be suppressed. The tests are as follows: 

(1) The 'social value' test. The core of the opinion in the leading case is 
found in the following language: 

'All ideas having even the slightest redeeming social importance-unorthodox 
ideas, controversial ideas, even ideas hateful to the prevailing climate of 
opin ion-have the full protection of the guaranties, unless excludable 
because they encroach upon the limited area of more important interests. But 
implicit, in the history of the First Amendment is the rejection of 
obscenity as utterly without redeeming social importance." 

(2) The 'prurient interest' test. 

'However, sex and obscenity are not synonymous. Obscene material is material 
which deals with sex in a manner appealing to prurient interest. The 
portrayal of sex, e.g., in art, literature and scientific works, is not 
itself sufficient reason to deny material the constitutional protection of 
freedom of speech and press. Sex, a great and mysterious motive force in 
human life, has indisputably been a subject of absorbing interest to mankind 
through the ages; it is one of the vital problems of human interest and 
public concern. 

'A thing is obscene if, considered as a whole, its predominant appeal is to 
prurient interest, i.e., a shameful or morbid interest in nudity, sex, or 
excretion, and if it goes substantially beyond customary limits of candor in 
description or representations of such matters' 

(J) The 'patently offensive' test. 

"These magazines cannot be deemed so offensive on their face as to affront 
current community standards of decency-a quality that we shall hereafter 
refer to as "patent offensiveness" or "indecency". (Manual Enterprises, Inc. 
et al. v. Day, 370 U.S. 478) 

(4) The 'hard core pornography' test. 

"The inquiry for the court, therefore, is whether the publication is so 
entirely obscene as to amount to "hard-core pornography" (not necessarily 
dealing with deviate sex relations since while there is a pornography of 
perversion, "pornography" is not limited to the depiction of unnatural 
acts)." 

While the standards or tests are clearly defined, their application presents 
considerable difficulty, witness, for example, the case involving Henry 
Miller's Tropic of Cancer. This book has been held obscene in the 9th 
Circuit Federal Court, in the State of Connecticut, and in the State of 
Pennsylvania, while at the same time it has been held to be not obscene by 
the courts of Massachusetts, Wisconsin and Illinois. On July 2, 1%3, the 
highest court of the State of California declared the book not obscene, yet 
within 10 days after the seven members of that Court had unanimously 
rendered their judgment, the highest court of our State in a four to three 
decision declared the book to be obscene. 

The book, though undeniably containing numerous descriptions of the sex act 
and certain aberrations thereof as its central theme, contains not one 
single obscene word. While it is undoubtedly true that obscenity is not 
rendered less obscene by virtue of the fact that it has been well 
written-nor for that matter must a writing necessarily appear exclusively on 
the walls of men's public lavatories to be considered pornographic-there is 
present herein an additional factor, not normally encountered in cases where 
books are sought to be suppressed and that is the high literary quality of 
the book. With respect to the literary quality of the book, defendant 
produced several expert literary figures as witnesses who testified at some 
length. 

These witnesses were of the unanimous opinion that the book had great 
literary merit. Their testimony characterized the book as an historical 
novel (to a limited extent), containing passages not normally included in a 
book written solely to arouse passions, and their praises ranged from 
'extremely interesting' to 'skillful'. In addition, Air. Untermeyer 
testified that the book contained the three great attributes of a good 
novel: (1) treatment of the subject matter with grace and beauty; (2) 
skillful and eloquent charm of writing; and (3) characters coming to life. 
He characterized the book as a 'work of art'. Plaintiffs did not produce a 
single literary expert to rebut the foregoing testimony. 

... The burden is upon plaintiff to establish by a preponderance of evidence 
that the defendant has caused to be published, distributed, etc., a book not 
encompassed within the orbit of constitutional protection. In applying these 
recognized standards, it is the Court's opinion that the plaintiffs have 
failed to sustain that burden of proof sufficient to entitle them to 
judgment in this case. 

Under the 'social value' test, the expert testimony adduced at the trial 
indicates, and the Court so finds, that the book, herein sought to be 
suppressed is an historical novel of literary value. While each book must 
necessarily be evaluated on its own individual worth, of interest, 
nevertheless, is the opinion of defendant's witness, Eliot Fremont-Smith, an 
editor of the Book Revieiv Section of the New York Sunday Times, who 
testified that with respect to the depiction of the act of sex, the book 
involved in this action does not exceed the limits of candor which have been 
established by the publication and acceptance of books sold through 
reputable book stores and reviewed in reputable publications during the past 
several years. In addition, the Court takes judicial notice of the fact that 
many books in circulation today contain much offensive language. 

With respect to the 'prurient interest' test, taking the book as a whole and 
not just those portions thereof which appeal to the salacious page turner, 
plaintiffs, here, too, have failed to sustain the burden of proof. 

Under Manual Enterprises V. Day. 370 U.S. 478. in addition to the 'prurient 
interest' test, to warrant a suppression of the book, plaintiffs must 
establish that the challenged material is 'patently offensive' to current 
community standards of decency. 

If the standards of the community are to be gauged by what it is permitted 
to read in its daily newspapers, then Fanny Hill's experiences contain 
little more than what the community has already encountered on the front 
pages of many of its newspapers in the reporting of the recent 'Profumo' and 
other sensational cases involving sex. 

If the standards are to be measured by what the public has of late been 
permitted to view in the so-called 'foreign art' movies, and. indeed, some 
of our domestic products, then it is equally clear that Memoirs does these 
standards no violence whatsoever. The Community cannot, where liberty of 
speech and press are at issue, condemn that which it generally tolerates. 

The book can in no manner whatsoever be characterized as 'patently 
offensive' when examined in the light of current community standards. 

In a case involving a violation of the obscenity law, the Court of Appeals 
held such section applicable only to material which may properly be termed 
'hard core pornography'. In the two hundred and fourteen years that have 
elapsed since Memoirs was first published in 1749, the book has been in 
constant, though for the most part surreptitious, circulation and has been 
translated into every major European language. Copies of the novel are to be 
found in the British Museum and Library of Congress. Benjamin Franklin is 
reputed to have had a copy in his library. The New York Public Library's 
copy of the novel indicates in its inscription that same once belonged to 
Governor Samuel f. Tilden. Of the author and the book it has been said: 
'While Dr. Johnson lived in Gough Square, while Edward Gibbon was yet a boy, 
long before William Wordsworth was born, an obscure and harassed Englishman 
turned out a book which, to judge from the fascination it still holds for a 
great variety of readers, is more nearly immortal than anything these and 
the other great men of the time ever wrote'. Were the book 'hard core 
pornography', 'dirt for dirt's sake' or 'dirt for money's sake', it is 
extremely doubtful that it would have existed these many years under the 
aforementioned circumstances. Here, too, then, the plaintiffs have failed to 
establish their case by a fair preponderance of the evidence. 

In view of all of the foregoing and upon a careful reading of the book, it 
is the Court's view that same is not of such a nature as to warrant the 
drastic relief sought herein. 

While parents would not like the book to be read by their young children, 
this hardly constitutes a legally sufficient ground upon which to predicate 
a constitutional Judgment that the book is not entitled to the protection of 
the First Amendment. As was pointed out by Mr. Justice Frankfurter on behalf 
of a unanimous court in Butler v. Michigan, 352 U.S. 380, 'It is clear on 
the record that appellant was convicted because Michigan ... made it an 
offense for him to make available for the general reading public (and he in 
fact sold to a police officer) a book that the trial judge found to have a 
potentially deleterious influence upon youth. 'The State insists that, by 
thus guaranteeing the general public against books not too rugged for grown 
men and women in order to shield juvenile innocence, it is exercising its 
power to promote the general welfare. Surely, this is to burn the house to 
roast the pig ... The incidence of this enactment is to reduce the adult 
population of Michigan to reading only what is fit for children. It thereby 
arbitrarily curtails one of those liberties of the individual, now enshrined 
in the Due Process Clause of the Fourteenth Amendment, that history has 
attested as the indispensable conditions for the maintenance and progress of 
a free society." 

While the saga of Fanny Hill will undoubtedly never replace 'Little Red 
Riding Hood' as a popular bedtime story, it is quite possible that were 
Fanny to be transposed from her mid-eighteenth century Georgian surroundings 
to our present day society, she might conceivably encounter many things 
which would cause her to blush." fudge Klein's opinion was approved by the 
New York Times in an editorial entitled "Miss Hill, Meet Miss Keeler", when 
the writer says: 

The State Supreme Court ruling that the 18th-century 'novel, "Memoirs of a 
Woman of Pleasure," better known as "Fanny Hill," is not obscene and cannot 
be barred from sale in New York was inevitable. The city's Corporation 
Counsel and District Attorneys only invited trouble when they tried to 
decide that this (or any other book) is "obscene." One reader's obscenity is 
another's artistry. For a public official to set himself up as a literary 
critic is censorship. "Fanny Hill" isn't great literature. By today's 
standards, it isn't even gamy. We live in a time of open revelation and too 
often of sordid detail; we would not want to ban a Profumo scandal from the 
public prints, distasteful as most of its revelations were. Real-life 
incidents often exceed fictional ones. Miss Hill, meet Miss Keeler. 

And so after being an outcast for more than 200 years, Fanny Hill has 
finally been made an honest woman, or at least as honest as Christine 
Keeler. 

FANNY HILL 

LETTER THE FIRST 

Madam, I sit down to give you an undeniable proof of my considering your 
desires as indispensible orders. Ungracious then as the task may be, I shall 
recall to view those scandalous stages of my life, out of which I emerg'd, 
at length, to the enjoyment of every blessing in the power of love, health, 
and fortune to bestow; whilst yet in the flower of youth, and not too late 
to employ the leisure afforded me by great ease and affluence, to cultivate 
an understanding, naturally not a despicable one, and which had, even amidst 
the whirl of loose pleasures I had been tost in, exerted more observation on 
the characters and manners of the world than what is common to those of my 
unhappy profession, who looking on all thought or reflection as their 
capital enemy, keep it as as great a distance as they can, or destroy it 
without mercy. 

Hating, as I mortally do, all long unnecessary preface, I shall give you 
good quarter in this, and use no farther apology, than to prepare you for 
seeing the loose part of my life, wrote, with the same liberty that I led 
it. 

Truth! stark, naked truth, is the word; and I will not so much as take the 
pains so bestow the strip of a gauze-wrapper on it, but paint situations 
such as they actually rose to me in nature, careless of violating those laws 
of decency that were never made for such unreserved intimacies as ours; and 
you have too much sense, too much knowledge of the originals themselves, to 
sniff prudishly and out of character at the pictures of them. The greatest 
men, those of the first and most leading taste, will not scruple adorning 
their private closets with nudities, though, in compliance with vulgar 
prejudices, they may not think them decent decorations of the staircase, or 
saloon. 

This and enough, premised, I go souse into my personal history. My maiden 
name was Frances Hill. I was born at a small village near Liverpool, in 
Lancashire, of parents extremely poor, and, I piously believe, extremely 
honest. 

My father, who had received a maim on his limbs, that disabled him from 
following the more laborious branches of country-drudgery, got, by making of 
nets, a scanty subsistence, which was not much enlarg'd by my mother's 
keeping a little day-school for the girls in her neighbourhood. They had had 
several children; but none lived to any age except myself, who had received 
from nature a constitution perfectly healthy. 

My education, till past fourteen, was no better than very vulgar; reading, 
or rather spelling, an illegible scrawl, and a little ordinary plain work 
composed the whole system of it; and then all my foundation in virtue was no 
other than a total ignorance of vice, and the shy timidity general to our 
sex, in the tender stage of life, when objects alarm or frighten more by 
their novelty than anything else. But then, this is a fear too often cured 
at the expence of innocence, when Miss, by degrees, begins no longer to look 
on a man as a creature of prey that will eat her. 

My poor mother had divided her time so entirely between her scholars and her 
little domestic cares, that she had spared very little of it to my 
instruction, having, from her own innocence from all ill, no hint or 
throught of guarding me against any. 

I was now entering on my fifteenth year, when the worst of ills befell me in 
the loss of my tender fond parents, who were both carried off by the 
small-pox, within a few days of each other; my father dying first, and 
thereby hastening the death of my mother: so that I was now left an unhappy 
friendless orphan (for my father's coming to settle there, was accidental, 
he being orginally a Kentishman). That cruel distemper which had proved so 
fatal to them, had indeed seized me, but with such mild and favourable 
symptoms, that I was presently out of danger, and, what I then did not know 
the value of, was entirely unmark'd. I skip over here an account of the 
natural grief and affliction which I felt on this melancholy occasion. A 
little time, and the giddiness of that age, dissipated too soon my 
reflections on that irreparable loss; but nothing contributed more to 
reconcile me to it, than the notions that were immediately put into my head, 
of going to London, and looking out for a service, in which I was promised 
all assistance and advice from one Esther Davis, a young woman that had been 
down to see her friends, and who, after the stay of a few days, was to 
return to her place. 

As I had now nobody left alive in the village, who had concern enough about 
what should become of me, to start any objections to this scheme, and the 
woman who took care of me after my parent's death, rather encouraged me to 
pursue it, I soon came to a resolution of making this launch into the wide 
world, by repairing to London, in order to seek my fortune, a phrase which, 
by the bye, has ruined more adventurers of both sexes, from the country, 
than ever it made or advanced. 

Nor did Esther Davis a little comfort and inspirit me to venture with her, 
by piquing my childish curiosity with the fine sights that were to be seen 
in London: the Tombs, the Lions, the King, the Royal Family, the fine Plays 
and Operas, and, in short, all the diversions which fell within her sphere 
of life to come at; the detail of all which perfectly turn'd the little head 
of me. 

Nor can I remember without laughing, the innocent admiration, not without a 
spice of envy, with which we poor girls, whose church-going clothes did not 
rise above dowlass shifts and stuff gowns, beheld Esther's scowered satin 
gowns, caps border'd with an inch of lace, taudry ribbons, and shoes belaced 
with silver: all which we imagined grew in London, and entered for a great 
deal into my determination of trying to come in for my share of them. 

The idea however of having the company of a towns-woman with her, was the 
trivial, and all the motives that engaged Esther to take charge of me during 
my journey to town, where she told me, after her manner and style, "as how 
several maids out of the country had made themselves and all their kin for 
ever: that by preserving their vartue, some had taken so with their masters 
that they had married them, and kept them coaches, and lived vastly grand 
and happy; and some, may-hap, came to be Duchesses; luck was all, and why 
not I, as well as another?"; with other almanacs to this purpose, which set 
me a tip-toe to begin this promising journey, and to leave a place which, 
though my native one, contained no relations that I had reason to regret, 
and was grown insupportable to me, from the change of the tenderest usage 
into a cold air of charity, with which I was entertain'd, even at the only 
friend's house that I had the least expectation of care and protection from. 
She was, however, so just to me, as to manage the turning into money of the 
little matters that remained to me after the debts and burial charges were 
accounted for, and, at my departure, put my whole fortune into my hands; 
which consisted of a very slender wardrobe, pack'd up in a very portable 
box, and eight guineas, with seventeen shillings in silver; stowed in a 
springpouch, which was a greater treasure than ever I had yet seen together, 
and which I could not conceive there was a possibility of running out; and 
indeed, I was so entirely taken up with the joy of seeing myself mistress of 
such an immense sum, that I gave very little attention to a world of good 
advice which was given me with it. 

Places, then, being taken for Esther and me in the London waggon, I pass 
over a very immaterial scene of leave-taking, at which I dropt a few tears 
betwixt grief and joy; and, for the same reasons of insignificance, skip 
over all that happened to me on the road, such as the waggoner's looking 
liquorish on me, the schemes laid for me by some of the passengers, which 
were defeated by the vigilance of my guardian Esther; who, to do her 
justice, took a motherly care of me, at the same time that she taxed me for 
her protection by making me bear all travelling charges, which I defrayed 
with the utmost cheerfulness, and throught myself much obliged to her into 
the bargain. 

She took indeed great care that we were not overrated, or imposed on, as 
well as of managing as frugally as possible; expensiveness was not her vice. 

It was pretty late in a summer evening when we reached London-town, in our 
slow conveyance, though drawn by six at length. As we passed through the 
greatest streets that led to our inn, the noise of the coaches, the hurry, 
the crowds of foot passengers, in short, the new scenery of the shops and 
houses, at once pleased and amazed me. 

But guess at my mortification and surprize when we came to the inn, and our 
things were landed and deliver'd to us, when my fellow traveller and 
protectress, Esther Davis, who had used me with the utmost tenderness during 
the journey, and prepared me by no preceding signs for the stunning blow I 
was to receive, when I say, my only dependance and friend, in this strange 
place, all of a sudden assumed a strange and cool air towards me, as if she 
dreaded my becoming a burden to her. 

Instead, then, of proffering me the continuance of her assistance and good 
offices, which I relied upon, and never more wanted, she thought herself, it 
seems, abundantly acquitted of her engagements to me, by having brought me 
safe to my journey's end; and seeing nothing in her procedure towards, me 
but what was natural and in order, began to embrace me by way of taking 
leave, whilst I was so confounded, so struck, that I had not spirit or sense 
enough so much as to mention my hopes or expectations from her experience, 
and knowledge of the place she had brought me to. 

Whilst I stood thus stupid and mute, which she doubtless attributed to 
nothing more than a concern at parting, this idea procured me perhaps a 
slight alleviation of it, in the following harangue: "That now we were got 
safe to London, and that she was obliged to go to her place, she advised me 
by all means to get into one as soon as possible; that I need not fear 
getting one; there were more places than parish-churches; that she advised 
me to go to an intelligence office; that if she heard of any thing stirring, 
she would find me out and let me know; that in the meantime, I should take a 
private lodging, and acquaint her where to send to me; that she wish'd me 
good luck, and hoped I should always have the grace to keep myself honest, 
and not bring a disgrace on my parentage." With this, she took her leave of 
me, and left me, as it were, on my own hands, full as lightly as I had been 
put into hers. 

Left thus alone, absolutely destitute and friendless I began then to feel 
most bitterly the severity of this separation, the scene of which had past 
in a little room in the inn; and no sooner was her back turned, but the 
affliction I felt at my helpless strange circumstances, burst out into a 
flood of tears, with infinitely relieved the oppression of my heart; though 
I still remained stupined and most perfectly perplex'd how to dispose of 
myself. 

One of the drawers coming in, added yet more to my uncertainty, by asking 
me, in a short way, if I called for anything? to which I replied innocently: 
"No." But I wished him to tell me where I might get a lodging for that 
night. He said he would go and speak to his mistress, who accordingly came, 
and told me drily, without entering in the least into the distress she saw 
me in, that I might have a bed for a shilling, and that, as they supposed I 
had some friends in town (here I fetched a deep sigh in vain!), I might 
provide for myself in the morning. 

"Tis incredible what trifling consolations the human mind will seize in its 
greatest afflictions. The assurance of nothing more than a bed to lie on 
that night, calmed my agonies; and being asham'd to acquaint the mistress of 
the inn that I had no friends to apply to in town, I proposed to myself to 
proceed, the very next morning, to an intelligence office, to which I was 
furnish'd with written directions on the back, of a ballad Esther had given 
me. There I counted on getting information of any place that such a country 
girl as I might be fit for, and where I could get into any sort of being, 
before my little stock should be consumed; and as to a character, Esther had 
often repeated to me, that I might depend on her managing me one; nor, 
however affected I was at her leaving me thus, did I entirely cease to rely 
on her, as I began to think, good-naturedly, that her procedure was all in 
course, and that it was only my ignorance of life that had made me take it 
in the light I at first did. 

Accordingly, the next morning I dress'd myself as clean and as neat as my 
rustic wardrobe would permit me; and having left my box, with special 
recommendation, with the landlady, I ventured out by myself, and without any 
more difficulty than can be supposed of a young country girl, barely 
fifteen, and to whom every sign or shop was a gazing trap, I got to the 
wish'd-for intelligence office. 

It was kept by an elderly woman, who sat at the receipt of custom, with a 
book before her in great form and order, and several scrolls, ready made 
out, of directions for places. 

I made up then to this important personage, without lifting up my eyes or 
observing any of the people round me, who were attending there on the same 
errand as myself, and dropping her curtsies nine-deep, just made a shift to 
stammer out my business to her. 

Madam having heard me out, with all the gravity and brow of a petty minister 
of-State, and seeing at one glance over my figure what I was, made me no 
answer, but to ask me the preliminary shilling, on receipt of which she told 
me places for women were exceedingly scarce, especially as I seemed too 
slight built for hard work; but that she would look over her book, and see 
what was to be done for me, desiring me to stay a little, till she had 
dispatched some other customers. 

On this a drew back a little, most heartily mortified at a declaration which 
carried with it a killing uncertainty, that my circumstances could not well 
endure. 

Presently, assuming more courage, and seeking some diversion from my uneasy 
thoughts, I ventured to lift up my head a little, and sent my eyes on a 
course round the room, where in they met full tilt with those of a lady 

(for such my extreme innocence pronounc'd her) sitting in a corner of the 
room, dress'd in a velvet mantle (not a bene, in the midst of summer), with 
her bonnet off; squab-fat, red-faced, and at least fifty. 

She look'd as if she would devour me with her eyes, staring at me from head 
to foot, without the least regard to the confusion and blushes her eyeing me 
so fixedly put me to, and which were to her, no doubt, the strongest 
recommendation and marks of my being fit for her purpose. After a little 
time, in which my air, person and whole figure had undergone a strict 
examination, which I had, on my part, tried to render favourable to me, by 
primming, drawing up my neck, and setting my best looks, she advanced and 
spoke to me with the greatest demureness: 

"Sweet-heart, do you want a place?" 

"Yes, and please you" (with a curtesy down to the ground). 

Upon this she acquainted me that she was actually come to the office 
herself, to look out for a servant; that she believed I might do, with a 
little of her instructions; that she could take my very looks for a 
sufficient character; that London was a very wicked, vile place; that she 
hop'd I would be tractable, and keep out of bad company; in short, she said 
all to me that an old experienced practitioner in town could think of, and 
which was much more than was necessary to take in an artless inexperienced 
country-maid, who was even afraid of becoming a wanderer about the streets, 
and therefore gladly jump'd at the first offer of a shelter, especially from 
so grave and matron-like a lady, such my flattering fancy assured me this 
new mistress of mine was; I being actually hired under the nose of the good 
woman that kept the office, whose shrewd smiles and shrugs I could not help 
observing, and innocently interpreted them as marks of her being pleased at 
my getting into place so soon: but, as I afterwards came to know, these 
beldams understood one another very well, and this was a market where Airs. 
Brow)!, my mistress, frequently attended, on the watch for any fresh goods 
that might offer there, for the use of her customers, and her own profit. 

Madam was however, so well pleased with her bargain, that fearing, I 
presume, lest better advice or some accident might occasion my slipping 
through her fingers, she would officiously take me in a coach to my inn, 
where, calling herself for my box, it was, I being present, delivered 
without the least scruple of explanation as to where I was going. 

This being over, she bid the coachman drive to a shop in St. Paul's 
Churchyard, where she bought a pair of gloves, which she gave me, and thence 
renewed her directions to the coachman to drive to her house in the street, 
who accordingly landed us at her door, after I had been cheer'd up and 
entertain'd by the way with the most plausible flams, without one syllable 
from which I could conclude anything but that I was, by the greatest good 
luck, fallen into the hands of kindest mistress, not to the say friend, that 
the tarsal world could afford and accordingly I enter'd her doors with most 
complete confidence and exultation, promising myself that, as soon as I 
should be a little settled, I would acquaint Esther Davis with my rare good 
fortune. 

You may be sure the good opinion of my place was not lessen'd by the 
appearance of a very handsome back parlour, into which I was led and which 
seemed to me magnificently furnished, who had never seen better rooms than 
the ordinary ones in inns upon the road. There were two gilt pierglasses, 
and a buffet, on which a few pieces of plates, set out to the most show, 
dazzled, and altogether persuaded me that I must be got into a very 
reputable family. 

Here my mistress first began her part, with telling me that I must have good 
spirits, and learn to be free with her; that she had not taken me to be a 
common servant, to do domestic drudgery, but to be a kind of companion to 
her; and that if I would be a good girl, she would be more than twenty 
mothers for me; to all which I answered only by the profoundest and the 
awkwardest curtsies, and a few monosyllables, such as "yes! no! to be sure!" 

Presently my mistress touch'd the bell, and in came a strapping 
maid-servant, who had let us in. "Here, Martha," said Mrs. Brown-"I have 
just hir'd this young woman to look after my linen; so step up and shew her 
her chamber; and I charge you to use her with as much respect as you would 
myself, for I have taken a prodigious liking to her, and I do not know what 
I shall do for her." 

Martha, who was an arch-jade, and, being used to this decoy, had her. cue 
perfect, made me a kind of half curtsy, and asked me to walk up with her; 
and accordingly shew'd me a neat room, two pair of stairs backwards, in 
which there was a handsome bed, where Martha told me I was to lie with a 
young gentlewoman, a cousin of my mistress's, who she was sure would be 
vastly good to me. Then she ran out into such affected encomiums on her good 
mistress! her sweet mistress! and how happy I was to light upon her! that I 
could not have bespoke a better; with other the like gross stuff, such as 
would itself have started suspicions in any but such an unpractised 
simpleton, who was perfectly new to life, and who took every word she said 
in the very sense she laid out for me to take it; but she readily saw what a 
penetration she had to deal with, and measured me very rightly in her manner 
of whistling to me, so as to make me pleased with my cage, and blind to the 
wires. 

In the midst of these false explanations of the nature of my future service, 
we were rung for down again, and I was reintroduced into the same parlour, 
where there was a table laid with three covers; and my mistress had now got 
with her one of her favourite girls, a notable manager of her house, and 
whose business it was to prepare and break such young fillies as I was to 
the mounting-block; and she was accordingly, in that view, alloted me for a 
bed-tellow; and, to give her the more authority, she had the title of cousin 
conferr'd on her by the venerable president of this college. 

Here I underwent a second survey, which ended in the full approbation of 
Mrs. Phoebe Ayres, the name of my tutoress elect, to whose care and 
instructions I was affectionately recommended. 

Dinner was now set on table, and in pursuance of treating me as a companion, 
Mrs. Brown, with a tone to cut off all dispute, soon over-rul'd my most 
humble and most confused protestations against sitting down with her 
Ladyship, which my very short breeding just suggested to me could not be 
right, or in the order of things. 

At table, the conversation was chiefly kept up by the two madams, and 
carried on in double meaning expressions, interrupted every now and then by 
kind assurance to me, all tending to confirm and fix my satisfaction with my 
present condition: augment it they could not, so very a novice was I then. 

It was here agreed that I should keep myself up and out of sight for a few 
days, till such cloaths could be procured for me as were fit for the 
character I was to appear in, of my mistress's companion, observing withal, 
that on the first impressions of my figure much might depend; and, as they 
well judged, the prospect of exchanging my country cloaths for London 
finery, made the clause of confinement digest perfectly well with me. But 
the truth was, Mrs. Brown did not care that I should be seen or talked to by 
any, either of her customers, or her Does (as they call'd the girls provided 
for them), till she had secured a good market for my maidenhead, which I had 
at least all the appearances of having brought into her Ladyship's service. 

To slip over minutes of no importance to the main of my story, I pass the 
interval to bed-time, in which I was more and more pleas'd with the views 
that opened to me, of an easy service under these good people; and after 
supper being shew'd up to bed, Miss Phoebe, who observed a kind of 
reluctance in me to strip and go to bed, in my shift, before her, now the 
maid was withdrawn, came up to me, and beginning with unpinning my 
hand-kerchief and gown, soon encouraged me to go on with undressing myself; 
and, still blushing at now seeing myself naked to my shift, I hurried to get 
under the bed-cloaths out of sight. Phoebe laugh'd and was not long before 
she placed herself by my side. She was about five and twenty, by her most 
suspicious account, in which, according to all appearances, she must have 
sunk at least ten good years: allowance, too, being made for the havoc which 
a long course of hackney-ship and hot waters must have made of her 
constitution, and which had already brought on, upon the spur, that stale 
stage in which those of her profession are reduced to think of showing 
company, instead of SEEING it. 

No sooner then was this precious substitute of my mistress's laid down, but 
she, who was never out of her way when any occasion of lewdness presented 
itself, turned to me, embraced and kiss'd me with great eagerness. This was 
new, this was odd; but imputing it to nothing but pure kindness, which, for 
aught I knew, it might be the London way to express in that manner, I was 
determin'd not to be behind-hand with her, and returned her the kiss and 
embrace, with all the fervour that perfect innocence knew. 

Encouraged by this, her hands became extremely free, and wander'd over my 
whole body, with touches, squeezes, pressures, that rather warm'd and 
surpriz'd me with their novelty, than they either shock'd or alarm'd me. 

The flattering praises she intermingled with these invasions, contributed 
also not a little to bribe my passiveness; and, knowing no ill, I feared 
none, especially from one who had prevented all doubt of her womanhood, by 
conducting my hands to a pair of breasts that hung loosely down, in a size 
and volume that full sufficiently distinguished her sex, to me at least, who 
had never made any other comparison.... 

I lay then all tame and passive as she could wish, whilst her freedom raised 
no other emotions but those of a strange, and, till then, unfelt pleasure. 
Every part of me was open and exposed to the licentious courses of her 
hands, which, like a lambent fire, ran over my whole body, and thaw'd all 
coldness as they went. 

My breasts, if it is not bold a figure to call so two hard, firm, rising 
hillocks, that just began to shew themselves, or signify anything to the 
touch, employ'd and amus'd her hands a-while, till, slipping down lower, 
over a smooth track, she could just feel the soft silky down, that had but a 
few months before put forth and garnish'd the mount-pleasure of those parts, 
and promised to spread a grateful shelter over the seat of the most 
exquisite sensation, and which had been, till that instant, the seat of the 
most insensible innocence. Her fingers play'd and strove to twine in the 
young tendrils of that moss, which nature has contrived at once for use and 
ornament. 

But, not content with these outer posts, she now attempts the main spot, and 
began to twitch, to insinuate, and at length to force an introduction of a 
finger into the quick itself, in such a manner, that had she not proceeded 
by insensible gradations that inflamed me beyond the power of modesty to 
oppose its resistance to their progress, I should have jump'd of bed and 
cried for help against such strange assaults. 

Instead of which, her lascivious touches had lighted up a new fire that 
wanton'd through all my veins, but fix'd with violence in that center 
appointed them by-nature, where the first strange hands were now busied in 
feeling, squeezing, compressing the lips, then opening them again, with a 
finger between, till an "Oh!" ex-press'd her hurting me, where the 
narrowness of the unbroken passage refused it entrance to any depth. 

In the meantime, the extension of my limbs, languid stretchings, sighs, 
short heavings, all conspired to assure that experienced wanton that I was 
more pleased than offended at her proceedings, which she seasoned with 
repeated kisses and exclamations, such as "Oh! what a charming creature thou 
art! ... What a happy man will he be that first makes a woman of you! ... 
Oh! that I were a man for your sake! ... ", with the like broken 
expressions, interrupted by kisses as fierce and fervent, as ever I received 
from the other sex. 

For my part, I was transported, confused, and out of myself; feelings so new 
were too much for me. My heated and alarm'd senses were in a tumult that 
robbed me of all liberty of throught; tears of pleasure gushed from my eyes, 
and somewhat assuaged the fire that rag'd all over me. 

Phoebe, herself, the hackney'd, thorough-bred Phoebe, to whom all modes and 
devices of pleasure were known and familiar, found, it seems, in this 
exercise of her art to break young girls, the gratification of one of those 
arbitrary tasts, for which there is no accounting. Not that she hated men, 
or did not even prefer them to her own sex; but when she met with such 
occasions as this was, a satiety of enjoyments in the common road, perhaps 
too, a secret bias, inclined her to make the most of pleasure, wherever she 
could find it, without distinction of sexes. In this view, now well assured 
that she had, by her touches, sufficiently inflamed me for her purpose, she 
roll'd down the bed cloaths gently, and I saw myself stretched nak'd, my 
shift being turned up to my neck, whilst I had no power or sense to oppose 
it. Even my glowing blushes expressed more desire than modesty, whilst the 
candle, left (to be sure not undesignedly) burning, threw a full light on my 
whole body. 

"No!" says Phoebe, "you must not, my sweet girl, think to hide ' all these 
treasures from me. My sight must be feasted as well as my touch ... I must 
devour with my eyes this springing bosom ... Suffer me to kiss it ... I have 
not seen it enough ... Let me kiss it once more ... What firm, smooth, white 
flesh is here! ... How delicately shaped! ... Then this delicious down! Oh! 
let me view the small, dear, tender cleft! ... This is too much, I cannot 
bear it! ... I must ... I must Here she took my hand, and in a transport 
carried it where you will easily guess. But what a difference in the state 
of the same thing! ... A spreading thicket of bushy curls marked the 
full-grown, complete woman. Then the cavity to which she guided my hand 
easily received it; and as soon as she felt it within her, she moved herself 
to and fro, with so rapid a friction, that I presently withdrew it, wet and 
clammy, when instantly Phoebe grew more composed, after two or three sighs, 
and heart-fetched Oh's! and giving me a kiss that seemed to exhale her soul 
through her lips, she replaced the bed-cloaths over us. What a pleasure she 
had found I will not say; but this I know, that the first sparks of kindling 
nature, the first ideas of pollution, were caught by me that night; and that 
the acquaintance and communication with the bad of our own sex, is often as 
fatal to innocence as all the seductions of the other. But to go on. When 
Phoebe was restor'd to that calm, which I was far from the enjoyment of 
myself, she artfully sounded me on all the points necessary to govern the 
designs of my virtuous mistress on me, and by my answers, drawn from pure 
undissembled nature, she had no reason but to promise herself all imaginable 
success, so far as it depended on my ignorance, easiness, and warmth of 
constitution. 

After a sufficient length of dialogue, my bedfellow left me to my rest, and 
I fell asleep, through pure weariness, from the violent emotions I had been 
led into, when nature (which had been too warmly stir'd and fermented to 
subside without allaying by some means or other) relieved me by one of those 
luscious dreams, the transports of which are scarce inferior to those of 
waking real action. 

In the morning I awoke about ten, perfectly gay and refreshed. Phoebe was up 
before me, and asked me in the kindest manner how I did, how I had rested, 
and if I was ready for breakfast, carefully, at the same time, avoiding to 
encrease the confusion she saw I was in, at looking her in the face, by any 
hint of the night's bed scene. I told her if she pleased I would get up, and 
begin any work she would be pleased to set me about. She smil'd; presently 
the maid brought in the tea-equipage, and I just huddled my cloaths on, when 
in waddled my mistress. I expected no less than to be told of, if not chid 
for, my late rising, when I was agreeably disappointed by her compliments on 
my pure and fresh looks. I was "a bud of beauty" (this was her stile), "and 
how vastly all the fine men would admire me!" to all which my answers did 
not, I can assure you, wrong my breeding; they were as simple and silly as 
they could wish, and, no doubt, flattered them infinitely more than had they 
proved me enlightened by education and a knowledge of the world. 

We breakfasted, and the tea things were scarce removed, when in were brought 
two bundles of linen and wearing apparel: in short, all the necessaries for 
rigging me out, as they termed it, completely. 

Imagine to yourself, Madam, how my little coquette heart flutter'd with joy 
at the sight of a white lute-string, flower'd with silver, scoured indeed, 
but passed on me for spick-and-span new, a Brussels lace cap, braided shoes, 
and the rest in proportion, all second-hand finery, and procured instantly 
for the occasion, by the diligence and industry of the good Mrs. Brown, who 
had already a chapman for me in the house, before whom my charms were to 
pass in review; for he had not only, in course, insisted on a previous sight 
of the premises, but also on immediate surrender to him, in case of his 
agreeing for me; concluding very wisely, that such a place as I was in, was 
of the hottest to trust the keeping of such a perishable commodity in, as a 
maidenhead. 

The care of dressing, and tricking me out for the market, was then left to 
Phoebe, who acquitted herself, if not well, at least perfectly to the 
satisfaction of every thing but my impatience of seeing myself dress'd. When 
it was over, and I view'd myself in the glass, I was, no doubt, too artless, 
to hide my childish joy at the change: a change, in the real truth, for much 
the worse, since I must have much better become the neat easy simplicity of 
my rustic dress, than the awkward, untoward, taudry finery, that I could not 
conceal my strangeness to. 

Phoebe's compliments, however, in which her own share in dressing me was not 
forgot, did not a little confirm me in the first notions I had ever 
entertained concerning my person; which, be it said without vanity, was then 
tolerable to justify a taste for me, and of which it may not be out of place 
her to sketch you an unflatter'd picture. 

I was tall, yet not too tall for my age, which, as I before remark'd, was 
barely turned of fifteen; my shape perfectly straight, thin waisted, and 
light and free, without owing any thing to stays; my hair was a glossy 
auburn, and as soft as silk flowing down my neck in natural buckles, and did 
not a little set off the whiteness of a smooth skin; my face was rather too 
ruddy, though its features were delicate, and the shape was a roundish oval, 
except where a pit on my chin had far from a disagreeable effect; my eyes 
were as black as can be imagin'd, and rather languishing than sparkling, 
except on certain occasions, when I have been told they struck fire fast 
enough; my teeth, which I ever carefully pre-serv'd, were small, even and 
white; my bosom was finely rais'd, and one might then discern rather the 
promise, than the actual growth, of the round, firm breasts, that in a 
little time made that promise good. In short, all the points of beauty that 
are most universally in request, I had, or at least my vanity forbade me to 
appeal from the decision of our sovereign judges the men, who all, that I 
ever knew at least, gave it thus highly in my favour and I met with, even in 
my own sex, some that were above denying me that justice, whilst others 
praised me yet more unsuspectedly, by endeavouring to detract from me, in 
points of person and figure that I obviously excelled in. This is, I own, 
too strong of self praise; but should I not be ungrateful to nature, and to 
a form to which I owe such singular blessings of pleasure and fortune, were 
I to suppress, through an affectation of modesty, the mention of such 
valuable gifts? 

Well then, dress'd I was, and little did it then enter into my head that all 
this gay attire was no more than decking the victim our for sacrifice, 
whilst I innocently attributed all to mere friendship and kindness in the 
sweet good Mrs. Brown; who, I was forgetting to mention, had, under pretence 
of keeping my money safe, got from me, without the least hesitation, the 
driblet 

(so I now call it) which remained to me after the expences of my journey. 

After some little time most agreeably spent before the glass, in scarce 
self-admiration, since my new dress had by much the greatest share in it, I 
was sent for down to the parlour, where the old lady saluted me, and wished 
me joy of my new cloaths, which she was not asham'd to say, fitted me as if 
I had worn nothing but the finest all my life-time; but what was it she 
could not see me silly enough to swallow? At the same time, she presented me 
to another cousin of her own creation, an elderly gentleman, who got up, at 
my entry into the room, and seemed a little affronted that I had only 
presented my cheek to him: a mistake, which, if one, he immediately 
corrected, by glewing his lips to mine, with an ardour which his figure had 
not at all disposed me to thank him for: his figure, I say, than which 
nothing could be more shocking or detestable: for ugly, and disagreeable, 
were terms too gentle to convey a just idea of it. 

Imagine to yourself a man rather past threescore, short and ill-made, with a 
yellow cadaverous hue, great goggling eyes, that stared as if he was 
strangled; an out-mouth from two more properly tushes than teeth, livid 
lips, and breath like a Jake's: then he had a peculiar ghastliness in his 
grin that made him perfectly frightful, if not dangerous to women with 
child; yet, made as he was thus in mock of man, he was so blind to his own 
staring deformities, as to think himself born for pleasing, and that no 
woman could see him with impunity: in consequence of which idea, he had 
lavished great sums on such wretches as could gain upon themselves to 
pretend love to this person, whilst to those who had not art or patience to 
dissemble the horror it inspir'd, he behaved even brutally. Impotence, more 
than necessity, made him seek in variety the provocative that was wanting to 
raise him to the pitch of enjoyment, which too he often saw himself baulked 
of, by the failure of his powers: and this always threw him into a fit of 
rage, which he wreak'd, as far as he durst, on the innocent objects of his 
fit of momentary desire. 

This then was the monster to which my conscientious benefactress, who had 
long been his purveyor in this way, had doom'd me, and sent for me down 
purposely for his examination. Accordingly she made me stand up before him, 
turn'd me round, unpinn'd my handkerchief, remark'd to him the rise and 
fall, the turn and whiteness of a bosom just beginning to fill: then made me 
walk, and took even a handle from the rusticity of my gait, to inflame the 
inventory of my charms: in short, she omitted no point of jockeyship; to 
which he only answer'd by gracious nods of approbation, whilst he look'd 
goats and monkies at me: for I sometimes stole a corner glance at him, and 
encountering his fiery, eager stare, looked another way from pure horror and 
affright, which he doubtless in character, attributed to nothing more than 
maiden modesty, or at least the affectation of it. 

However, I was soon dismiss'd and reconducted to my room by Phoebe, who 
stuck close to me, not leaving me alone, and at leisure to make such 
reflections as might naturally rise to any one, not an idiot, on such a 
scene as I had just gone through; but to my shame be it confess'd, such was 
my invincible stupidity, or rather portentous innocence, that I did not yet 
open my eyes to Mrs. Brown's design, and saw nothing in this titular cousin 
of hers, but a shocking hideous person, which did not at all concern me, 
unless that my gratitude for my benefactress made me extend my respect to 
all her cousinhood. 

Phoebe, however, began to sift the state and pulses of my heart towards this 
monster, asking me how I should approve of such a fine gentleman for a 
husband? (Fine gentleman, I suppose she called him, from his being daubed 
with lace.) I answered her very naturally, that I had no thoughts of a 
husband, but that if I was to choose one, it should be among my own degree, 
sure! So much had my aversion to that wretch's hideous figure indisposed me 
to all "fine gentlemen", and confounded my ideas, as if those of that rank 
had been necessarily cast in the same mould that he was. But Phoebe was not 
to be beat off so, but went on with her endeavours to melt and soften me for 
the purposes of my reception into that hospitable house: and whilst she 
talked of the sex in general, she had no reason to despair of a compliance, 
which more than one reason shewed her would be easily enough obtained of me; 
but then she had too much experience not to discover that my particular 
fix'd aversion to that frightful cousin, would be a block not so readily to 
be removed, as suited the consummation of their bargain, and sale of me. 

Mother Brown had in the mean time agreed the terms with this liquorish old 
goat, which I afterwards understood were to be fifty guineas peremptory for 
the liberty of attempting me, and a hundred more at the compleat 
gratification of his desires, in the triumph over my virginity: and as for 
me, I was to be left entirely at the discretion of his liking and 
generosity. This unrighteous contract being thus settled, he was so eager to 
be put in possession, that he insisted on being introduc'd to drink tea with 
me that afternoon, when we were to be left alone; nor would he harken to the 
procuress's remonstrances, that I was not sufficiently prepared, and ripened 
for such an attack; that I was too green and untam'd, having been scarce 
twenty-four hours in the house: it is the character of lust to be impatient, 
and his vanity arming him against any supposition of other than the common 
resistance of a maid on those occasions, made him reject all proposals of a 
delay, and my dreadful trial was thus fix'd, unknown to me, for that very 
evening. 

At dinner, Mrs. Brown and Phoebe did nothing but run riot in praises of this 
wonderful cousin, and how happy that woman would be that he would favour 
with his address; in short my two gossips exhausted all their rhetoric to 
persuade me to accept them: "that the gentleman was violently smitten with 
me at first sight ... that he would make my fortune if I would be a good 
girl and not stand in my own light ... that I should trust his honour ... 
that I should be made for ever, and have a chariot to go abroad in....", 
with all such stuff as was fit to turn the head of such a silly ignorant 
girl as I then was: but luckily here my aversion had taken already such deep 
root in me, my heart was so strongly defended from him by my senses, that 
wanting the art to mask my sentiments, I gave them no hopes of their 
employer's succeeding, at least very easily, with me. The glass too march'd 
pretty quick, with a view, I suppose, to make a friend of the warmth of my 
constitution, in the minutes of the imminent attack. 

Thus they kept me pretty long at table, and at about six in the evening, 
after I was retired to my own apartment, and the tea board was set, enters 
my venerable mistress, follow'd close by that satyr, who came in grinning in 
a way peculiar to him, and by his odious presence, confirm'd me in all the 
sentiments of detestation which his first appearance had given birth to. 

He sat down fronting me, and all tea time kept ogling me in a manner that 
gave me the utmost pain and confusion, all the marks of which he still 
explained to be my bashfulness, and not being used to see company. 

Tea over, the commode old lady pleaded urgent business (which indeed was 
true) to go out, and earnestly desir'd me to entertain her cousin kindly 
till she came back, both for my own sake and hers; and then, with a "Pray, 
sir, be very good, be very tender of the sweet child," she went out of the 
room, leaving me staring, with my mouth open, and unprepar'd, by the 
suddenness of her departure, to oppose it. 

We were now alone; and on that idea a sudden fit of trembling seiz'd me. I 
was so afraid, without a precise notion of why, and what I had to fear, that 
I sat on the settee, by the fire-side, motionless, and petrified, without 
life or spirit, not knowing how to look or how to stir. 

But long I was not suffered to remain in this state of stupefaction: the 
monster squatted down by me on the settee, and without farther ceremony or 
preamble, flings his arms about my neck, and drawing me pretty forcibly 
towards him, oblig'd me to receive, in spite of my struggles to disengage 
from him, his pestilential kisses, which quite overcame me. Finding me then 
next to senseless, and unresisting, he tears off my neck handkerchief, and 
laid open all there to his eyes and hand: still I endur'd all without 
flinching, till embolden'd by my sufferance and silence, for I had not the 
power to speak or cry out, he attempted to lay me down on the settee, and I 
felt his hand on the lower part of my naked thighs, which were cross'd and 
which he endeavored to unlock ... Oh then! I was roused out of my passive 
endurance, and springing from him with an activity he was not prepar'd for, 
threw myself at his feet, and begg'd him, in the most moving tone, not to be 
rude, and that he would not hurt me:-"Hurt you, my dear?" says the brute; "I 
intend you no harm ... has not the old lady told you that I love you? ... 
that I shall do hansomely by you?" 

"She has indeed, sir," said I; "but I cannot love you, indeed I cannot! ... 
pray let me alone ... yes! I will love you dearly if you will let me alone, 
and go away...." But I was talking to the wind; for whether my tears, my 
attitude, or the disorder of my dress prov'd fresh incentives, or whether he 
was now under the dominion of desires he could not bridle, but snorting and 
foaming with lust and rage, he renews his attack, seizes me, and again 
attempts to extend and fix me on the settee: in which he succeeded so far as 
to lay me along, and even to toss my petticoats over my head, and lay my 
thighs bare, which I obstinately kept close, nor could he, though he 
attempted with his knee to force them open, effect it so as to stand fair 
for being master of the main avenue; he was unbuttoned, both waistcoat and 
breeches, yet I only felt the weight of his body upon me, whilst I lay 
struggling with indignation, and dying with terrors; but he stopped all of a 
sudden, and got off, panting, blowing, cursing, and repeating "old and 
ugly!" for so I had very naturally called him in the heat of my defence. 

The brute had, it seems, as I afterwards understood, brought on, by his 
eagerness and struggle, the ultimate period of his hot fit of lust, which 
his power was too short-liv'd to carry him through the full execution of; of 
which my thighs and linen received the effusion. 

When it was over he bid me, with a tone of displeasure, get up: "that he 
would not do me the honour to think of me any more ... that the old bitch 
might look out for another cully ... that he would not be fool'd so by e'er 
a country mock modesty in England ... that he supposed I had left my 
maidenhead with some hobnail in the country, and was come to dispose of my 
skim-milk in town" with a volley of the like abuse; which I listened to with 
more pleasure than ever fond woman did to protestations of love from her 
darling minion: for, incapable as I was of receiving any addition to my 
perfect hatred and aversion to him, I look'd on this railing, as my security 
against his renewing his most odious caresses. 

Yet, plain as Mrs. Brown's view were now come out, I had not the heart, or 
spirit to open my eyes to them: still I could not part with my dependance on 
that beldam, so much did I think myself hers, soul and body: or rather, I 
sought to deceive myself with the continuation of my good opinion of her, 
and chose to wait the worst at her hands, sooner than be turn'd out to 
starve in the streets, without a penny of money or a friend to apply to: 
these fears were my folly. 

Whilst this confusion of ideas was passing in my head, and I sat pensive by 
the fire, with my eyes brimming with tears, my neck still bare, and my cap 
fall'n off in the struggle, so that my hair was in the disorder you may 
guess, the villain's lust began, I suppose, to be again in flow, at the 
sight of all that bloom of youth which presented itself to his view, a bloom 
yet unenjoy'd, and of course not yet indifferent to him. 

After some pause, he ask'd me, with a tone of voice mightily softened, 
whether I would make up with him before the old lady returned and all should 
be well; he would restore me his affections, at the same time offering to 
kiss me and feel my breasts. But now my extreme aversion, my fears, my 
indignation, all acting upon me, gave me a spirit not natural to me, so that 
breaking loose from him, I ran to the bell, and rang it, before he was 
aware, with such violence and effect as brought up the maid to know what was 
the matter, or whether the gentleman wanted any thing; and before he could 
proceed to greater extremities, she bounc'd into the room, and seeing me 
stretched on the floor, my hair all dishevell'd, my nose gushing out blood, 
which did not a little trage-dize the scene, and my odious persecutor still 
intent of pushing his brutal point, unmoved by all my cries and distress, 
she was herself confounded and did not know what to say. 

As much, however, as Martha might be prepared and hardened to transactions 
of this sort, all womanhood must have been out of her heart, could she have 
seen this unmov'd. Besides that, on the face of things, she imagined that 
matters had gone greater lengths than they really had, and that the courtesy 
of the house had been actually consummated on me, and flung me into the 
condition I was in: in this notion she instantly took my part, and advis'd 
the gentleman to go down and leave me to recover myself, and "that all would 
be soon over with me ... that when Mrs. Brown and Phoebe, who were gone out, 
were return'd, they would take order for every thing to his satisfaction ... 
that nothing would be lost by a little patience with the poor tender thing 
... that for her part she was frighten'd ... she could not tell what to say 
to such doings ... but that she would stay by me till my mistress came 
home." As the wench said all this in a resolute tone, and the monster 
himself began to perceive that things would not mend by his staying, he took 
his hat and went out of the room, murmuring, and pleating his brows like an 
old ape, so that I was delivered from the horrors of his detestable 
presence. 

As soon as he was gone, Martha very tenderly offered me her assistance in 
any thing, and would have got me some hartshorn drops, and put me to bed; 
which last, I at first, positively refused, in the fear that the monster 
might return and take me at that advantage. However, with much persuasion, 
and assurances that I should not be molested that night she prevailed on me 
to lie down; and indeed I was so weakened by my struggles, so dejected by my 
fearful apprehensions, so terrour-struck, that I had not power to sit up, or 
hardly to give answers to the questions with which the curious Martha ply'd 
and perplex'd me. 

Such too, and so cruel was my fate, that I dreaded the sight of Mrs. Brown, 
as if I had been the criminal, and she the person injur'd; a mistake which 
you will not think so strange, on distinguishing that neither virtue or 
principles had the least share in the defence I had made, but only the 
particular aversion I had conceiv'd against the first brutal and frightful 
invader of my tender innocence. 

I pass'd then the time till Mrs. Brown's return home, under all the 
agitations of fear and despair that may easily be guessed. 

About eleven at night my two ladies came home, and having receiv'd rather a 
favourable account from Martha, who had run down to let them in, for Mr. 
Crofts (that was the name of my brute) was gone out of the house, after 
waiting till he had tired his patience for Mrs. Brown's return, they came 
thundering up stairs, and seeing me pale, my face bloody, and all the marks 
of the most thorough dejection, they employed themselves more to comfort and 
re-inspirit me, than in making me the reproaches I was weak enough to fear, 
I who had so many juster and stronger to retort upon them. 

Mrs. Brown withdrawn, Phoebe came presently to bed to me, and half with the 
answers she drew from me, half with her own method of palpably satisfying 
herself, she soon discovered that I had been more frighted than hurt; upon 
which I suppose, being herself seiz'd with sleep, and reserving her lectures 
and instructions till the next morning, she left me, properly speaking, to 
my unrest; for, after tossing and turning the greatest part of the night, 
and tormenting myself with the falsest notions and apprehensions of things, 
I fell, through mere fatigue, into a kind of delirious doze, out of which I 
waked late in the worning, in a violent fever: a circumstance which was 
extremely critical to reprieve me, at least for a time, from the attracks of 
a wretch, infinitely more terrible to me than death itself. 

The interested care that was taken of me during my illness, in order to 
restore me to a condition of making good the bawd's engagements, or of 
enduring further trials, had however such an effect on my grateful dis 
position, that I even thought myself oblig'd to my undoers for their 
attention to promote my recovery; and, above all, for the keeping out of my 
sight of that brutal ravisher, the author of my disorder, on their finding I 
was too strongly mov'd at the bare mention of his name. 

Youth is soon raised, and a few days were sufficient to conquer the fury of 
my fever: but, what contributed most to my perfect recovery and to my 
reconciliation with life, was the timely news that Mr. Crofts, who was a 
merchant of considerable dealings, was arrested at the King's suit, for near 
forty thousand pounds, on account of his driving a certain contraband trade, 
and that his affairs were so desperate, that even were it in his 
inclination, it would not be in his power to renew his designs upon me: for 
he was instantly thrown into a prison, which it was not likely he would get 
out of in haste. 

Mrs. Brown, who had touched his fifty guineas, ad-vanc'd to so little 
purpose, and lost all hopes of the remaining hundred, began, to look upon my 
treatment of him with a more favourable eye; and as they had observ'd my 
temper to be perfectly tractable and conformable to their views, all the 
girls that compos'd her flock were suffered to visit me, and had their cue 
to dispose me, by their conversation, to a perfect resignation of myself to 
Mrs. Brown's direction. 

Accordingly they were let in upon me, and all that frolic and thoughtless 
gaiety in which those giddy creatures consume their leisure, made me envy a 
condition of which I only saw the fair side; insomuch, that the being one of 
them became even my ambition: a disposition which they all carefully 
cultivated; and I wanted now nothing but to restore my health, that I might 
be able to undergo the ceremony of the initiation. 

Conversation, example, all, in short, contributed, in that house, to corrupt 
my native purity, which had taken no root in education; whilst now the 
inflammable principal of pleasure so easily fired at my age, made strange 
work within me, and all the modesty I was brought up in the habit, not the 
instruction of, began to melt away like dew before the sun's heat; not to 
mention that I made a vice of necessity, from the constant fears I had of 
being turn'd out to starve. 

I was soon pretty well recover'd, and at certain hours allow'd to range all 
over the house, but cautiously kept from seeing any company till the arrival 
of Lord B........, from Bath, to whom Mrs. Brown, in respect to his 
experienced generosity on such occasions, proposed to offer the perusal of 
that trinket of mine, which bears so great an imaginary value; and his 
lordship being expected in town in less than a fortnight, Mrs. Brown judged 
I would be entirely renewed in beauty and freshness by that time, and afford 
her the chance of a better bargain than she had driven with Mr. Crofts. 

In the meantime, I was so thoroughly, as they call it, brought over, so tame 
to their whistle, that, had my cage door been set open, I had no idea that I 
ought to fly anywhere, sooner then stay where I was; nor had I the least 
sense of regretting my condition, but waited very quietly for whatever Mrs. 
Brown should order concerning me; who on her side, by herself and her 
agents, took more then the necessary precautions to lull and lay asleep all 
just reflections on my destination. 

Preachments of morality over the left shoulder; a life of joy painted in the 
gayest colours; caresses, promises, indulgent treatment: nothing, in short, 
was wanting to domesticate me entirely and to prevent my going out anywhere 
to get better advice. Alas! I dream'd of no such thing. 

Hitherto I had been indebted only to the girls of the house for the 
corruption of my innocence: their luscious talk, in which modesty was far 
from respected, their description of their engagements with men, had given 
me a tolerable insight into the nature and mysteries of their profession, at 
the same time that they highly provok'd an itch of florid warm-spirited 
blood through every vein: but above all, my bed-fellow Phoebe, whose pupil I 
more immediately was, exerted her talents in giving me the first tinctures 
of pleasure: whilst nature, now warm'd and wantoned with discoveries so 
interesting, piqu'd a curiosity which Phoebe artfully whetted, and leading 
me from question to question of her own suggestion, explain'd to me all the 
mysteries of Venus. But I could not long remain in such a house as that, 
without being an eyewitness of more than I could conceive from her 
descriptions. 

One day, about twelve at noon, being thoroughly re-cover'd of my fever, I 
happen'd to be in Mrs. Brown's dark closet, where I had not been half an 
hour, resting upon the maid's settle-bed, before I heard a rustling in the 
bedchamber, separated from the closet only by two sash-doors, before the 
glasses of which were drawn two yellow damask curtains, but not so close as 
to exclude the full view of the room from any person in the closet. 

I instantly crept softly, and posted myself so, that seeing every thing 
minutely, I could not myself be seen; and who should come in but the 
venerable mother Abbess herself! handed in by a tall, brawny young 
Horse-grenadier, moulded in the Hercules style: in fine, the choice of the 
most experienced dame, in those affairs, in all London. 

Oh! how still and hush did I keep at my stand, lest any noise should baulk 
my curiosity, or bring Madam into the closet! 

But I had not much reason to fear either, for she was so entirely taken up 
with her present great concern, that she had no sense of attention to spare 
to anything else. 

Droll was it so see that clumsy fat figure of hers flop down on the foot of 
the bed, opposite to the closet-door, so that I had a full front-view of all 
her charms. 

Her paramour sat down by her: he seemed to be a man of very few words, and a 
great stomach; for proceeding instantly to essentials, he gave her some 
hearty smacks, and thrusting his hands into her breasts, disengag'd them 
from her stays, in scorn of whose confinement they broke loose, and swagged 
down, navel-low at least. A more enormous pair did my eyes never behold, nor 
of a worse colour, flagging-soft, and most lovingly contiguous: yet such as 
they were, this neck-beef eater seem'd to paw them with a most uninvitable 
gust, seeking in vain to confine or cover one of them with a hand scarse 
less than a shoulder of mutton. After toying with them thus some time, as if 
they had been worth it, he laid her down pretty briskly, and canting up her 
petticoats, made barely a mask of them to her broad red face, that blush'd 
with nothing but brandy. 

As he stood on one side, for a minute or so, unbuttoning his waist-coat and 
breeches, her fat brawny thighs hung down, and the whole greasy landscape 
lay fairly open to my view; a wide open-mouth'd gap, overshaded with a 
grizzly bush, seemed held out like a beggar's wallet for its provision. 

But I soon had my eyes called off by a more striking object, that entirely 
engross'd them. 

Her sturdy stallion had now unbutton'd, and produced naked, stiff, and 
erect, that wonderful machine, which I had never seen before, and which, for 
the interest my own seat of pleasure began to take furiously in it, I star'd 
at with all the eyes I had: however, my senses were too much flurried, too 
much concenter'd in that now burning spot of mine, to observe any thing more 
than in general the make and turn of that instrument, from which the 
instinct of nature, yet more than all I had heard of it, now strongly 
informed me I was to expect that supreme pleasure which she had placed in 
the meeting of those parts so admirably fitted for each other. 

Long, however, the young spark did not remain before giving it two or three 
shakes, by way of brandishing it, he threw himself upon her, and his back 
being now towards me, I could not only take his being ingulph'd for granted, 
by the directions he mov'd in, and the impossibility of missing so staring a 
mark; and now the bed shook, the curtains rattled so, that I could scarce 
hear the sighs and murmurs, the heaves and pantings that accompanied the 
action, from the beginning to the end; the sound and sight of which thrill'd 
to the very soul of me, and made every vein of my body circulate liquid 
fires: the emotion grew so violent that it almost intercepted my 
respiration. 

Prepared then, and disposed as I was by the discourse of my companions, and 
Phoebe's minute detail of everything, no wonder that such a sight gave the 
last dying blow to my native innocence. 

Whilst they were in the heat of the action, guided by nature only, I stole 
my hand up my petticoats, and with fingers all on fire, seized, and yet more 
inflamed that center of all my senses: my heart palpitated, as if it would 
force its way through my bosom: I breath'd with pain; I twisted my thighs, 
squeezed, and compressed the lips of that virgin slit, and following 
mechanically the exemple of Phoebe's manual operation on it, as far as I 
could find admission, brought on at last the critical extasy, the melting 
flow, into which nature, spent with excess of pleasure, dissolves and dies 
away. 

After which, my senses recover'd coolness enough to observe the rest of the 
transaction between this happy pair. 

The young fellow had just dismounted, when the old lady immediately sprung 
up, with all the vigour of youth, derived, no doubt, from her late 
refreshment; and making him sit down, began in her turn to kiss him, to pat 
and pinch his cheeks, and play with his hair: all which he receiv'd with an 
air of indifference and coolness, that shew'd him to me much altered from 
what he was when he first went on to the breach. 

My pious governess, however, not being above calling in auxiliaries, unlocks 
a little case of cordials that stood near the bed, and made him pledge her 
in a very plentiful dram: after which, and a little amorous parley, Madam 
sat herself down upon the same place, at the bed's foot; and the young 
fellow standing sideway by her, she, with the greatest effrontery 
imaginable, unbuttons his breeches, and removing his shirt, draws out his 
affair, so shrunk and diminish'd, that I could not but remember the 
difference, now crestfallen, or just faintly lifting its head: but our 
experienc'd matron very soon, by chaffing it with her hands, brought it to 
swell to that size and erection I had before seen it up to. 

I admired then, upon a fresh account, and which a nicer survey, the texture 
of that capital part of man: the flaming red head as it stood uncapt, the 
whiteness of the shaft, and the shrub growth of curling hair that embrowned 
the roots of it, the roundish bag that dangled down from it, all exacted my 
eager attention, and renewed my flame. But, as the main affair was now at 
the point the industrious dame had laboured to bring it to, she was not in 
the humour to put off the payment of her pains, but laying herself down, 
drew him gently upon her, and thus they finish'd, in the same manner as 
before, the old last act. 

This over, they both went out lovingly together, the old lady having first 
made him a present, as near as I could observe, of three or four pieces; he 
being not only her particular favourite on account of his performances, but 
a retainer to the house; from whose sight she had taken great care hitherto 
to secret me, lest he might not have had patience to wait for my lord's 
arrival, but have insisted on being his taster, which the old lady was under 
too much subjection to him to dare dispute with him for every girl of the 
house fell to him in course, and the old lady only now and then got her 
turn, in consideration of the maintenance he had, and which he could scarce 
be accused of not earning from her. 

As soon as I heard them go down-stairs, I stole up softly to my own room, 
out of which I had luckily not been miss'd; there I began to breathe freer, 
and to give a loose to those warm emotions which the sight of such an 
encounter had raised in me. I laid me down on the bed, stretched myself out, 
joining and ardently wishing, and requiring any means to divert or allay the 
rekindled rage and tumult of my desires, which all pointed strongly to their 
pole: man. I felt about the bed as if I sought for something that I grasp'd 
in my waking dream, and not finding it, could have cry'd for vexation; every 
part of me glowing with stimulating fires. At length, I Resorted to the only 
present remedy, that of vain attempts at digitation, where the smallness of 
the theatre did not yet afford room enough for action, and where the pain my 
fingers gave me, in striving for admission, tho' they procured me a slight 
satisfaction for the present, started an apprehension, which I could not be 
easy till I had communicated to Phoebe, and received her explanations upon 
it. 

The opportunity, however, did not offer till next morning, for Phoebe did 
not come to bed till long after I was gone to sleep. As soon then as we were 
both awake, it was but in course to bring our ly-a-bed chat to land on the 
subject of my uneasiness: to which a recital of the love scene I had thus, 
by chance, been spectatress of, serv'd for a preface. 

Phoebe could not hear it to the end without more than one interruption by 
peals of laughter, and my ingenuous way of relating matters, did not a 
little heighten the joke to her. 

But, on her sounding me how the sight had affected me, without mincing or 
hiding the pleasurable emotions it had inspir'd me with, I told her at the 
same time that one remark had perplex'd me, and that very 
considerably.-"Aye!" says she, "what was that?"-Why, replied I, "having very 
curiously and attentively compared the size of that enormous machine, which 
did not appear, at least to my fearful imagination, less than my wrist, and 
at least three of my handfuls long, to that of the tender small part of me 
which was framed to receive it, I could not conceive its being possible to 
afford an entrance without dying, perhaps in the greatest pain, since she 
well knew that even a finger thrust in there, hurt me beyond bearing ... As 
to my mistress's and yours, I can plainly distinguish the different 
dimensions of them from mine, palpable to the touch, and visible to the eye; 
so that, in short, great as the promis'd pleasure may be, I am afraid of the 
pain of the experiment." 

Phoebe at this redoubled her laugh, and whilst I expected a very serious 
solution of my doubts and apprehensions in this matter, only told me, that 
she never heard of a mortal wound being given in those parts, by that 
terrible weapon, and that some she knew younger, and as delicately made as 
myself, had outlived the operation; that she believed, at the worst, I 
should take a great deal of killing; that true it was, there was a great 
diversity of sizes in those parts, owing to nature, child-bearing, frequent 
over-stretching with unmerciful machines, but that at a certain age and 
habit of body, even the most experi-enc'd in those affairs could not well 
distinguish between the maid and the woman, supposing too an absence of all 
artifice, and things in their natural situation: but that since chance had 
thrown in my way one sight of that sort, she would procure me another, that 
should feast my eyes more delicately, and go a great way in the cure of my 
fears from that imaginery disproportion. 

On this she asked me if I knew Polly Philips. "Undoubtedly," says I, "the 
fair girl which was so tender of me when I was sick, and has been, as you 
told, me but two months in the house." 

"The same," says Phoebe. "You must know then, she is kept by a young Genoese 
merchant, whom his uncle, who is immensely rich, and whose darling he is, 
sent over here with an English merchant, his friend, on a pretext of 
settling some accounts, but in reality to humour his inclinations for 
travelling, and seeing the world. He met casually with this Polly once in 
company, and taking a liking to her, makes it worth her while to keep 
entirely to him. He comes to her here twice or thrice a week, and she 
receives him in the light closet up one pair of stairs, where he enjoys her 
in a taste, I suppose, peculiar to the heat, or perhaps the caprices of his 
own country. I say no more, but tomorrow being his day, you shall see what 
passes between them, from a place only known to your mistress and myself." 

You may be sure, in the ply I was now taking, I had no objection to the 
proposal, and was rather a tip-toe for its accomplishment. 

At five in the evening, next day, Phoebe, punctual to her promise, came to 
me as I sat alone in my own room, and beckon'd me to follow her. 

We went down the back-stairs very softly, and opening the door of a dark 
closet, where there was some old furniture kept, and some cases of liquor, 
she drew me in after her, and fastening the door upon us, we had no light 
but what came through a long crevice in the partition between ours and the 
light closet, where the scene of action lay; so that sitting on those low 
cases, we could, with the greatest ease, as well as clearness, see all 
objects (ourselves unseen), only by applying our eyes close to the crevice, 
where the moulding of a panel had warped, or started a little on the other 
side. 

The young gentleman was the first person I saw, with his back directly 
towards me, looking at a print. Polly was not yet come: in less than a 
minute tho', the door opened, and she came in; and at the noise the door 
made he turned about, and came to meet her, with an air of the greatest 
tenderness and satisfaction. 

After saluting her, he led her to a couch that fronted us, where they both 
sat down, and the young Genoese help'd her to a glass of wine, with some 
Naples bisket on a salver. 

Presently, when they had exchanged a few kisses, and questions in broken 
English on one side, he began to unbotton, and, in fine, stript into his 
shirt. 

As if this had been the signal agreed on for pulling off all their cloaths, 
a scheme which the heat of the season perfectly favoured, Polly began to 
draw her pins, and as she had no stays to unlace, she was in a trice, with 
her gallant's officious assistance, undress'd to all but her shift. 

When he saw this, his breeches were immediately loosen'd, waist and knee 
bands, and slipped over his ankles, clean off; his shirt collar was 
unbuttoned too: then, first giving Polly an encouraging kiss, he stole, as 
it were, the shift off the girl, who being, I suppose, broke and 
familiariz'd to this humour, blush'd indeed, but less than I did at the 
appartition of her, now standing stark-naked, just as she came out of the 
hands of pure nature, with her black hair loose and a-float down her 
dazzling white neck and shoulders, whilst the deepen'd carnation of her 
cheeks went off gradually into the hue of glaz'd snow: for such were the 
blended tints and polish of her skin. 

This girl could not be above eighteen: her face regular and sweet-featur'd, 
her shape exquisite; nor could I help envying her two ripe enchanting 
breasts, finely plump'd out in flesh, but withal so round, so firm, that 
they sustain'd themselves, in scorn of any stay: then their nipples, 
pointing different ways, mark'd their pleasing separation; beneath them lay 
the delicious tract of the belly, which terminated in a parting or rift 
scarce discern-able, that modestly seem'd to retire downwards, and seek 
shelter between two plump fleshy thighs: the curling hair that overspread 
its delightful front, cloathed it with the richest sable fur in the 
universe: in short, she was evidently a subject for the painter to court her 
sitting to them for a pattern of female beauty, in all the true pride and 
pomp of nakedness. 

The young Italian (still in his shirt) stood gazing and transported at the 
sight of beauties that might have fir'd a dying hermit; his eager eyes 
devour'd her, as she shifted attitudes at his discretion: neither were his 
hands excluded their share of the high feast, but wander'd on the hunt of 
pleasure, over every part and inch of her body, so qualified to afford the 
most exquisite sense of it. 

In the mean time, one could no help observing the swelling of his shirt 
before, that bolster'd out, and shewed the condition of things behind the 
curtain: but he soon remov'd it, by slipping his shirt over his head; and 
now, as to nakedness, they had nothing to reproach one another. 

The young gentleman, by Phoebe's guess, was about two and twenty; tall and 
well limb'd. His body was finely form'd, and of a most vigorous make, square 
shoulder'd, and broad-chested: his face was not remarkable any way, but for 
a nose inclining to the Roman, eyes large, black, and sparkling, and a 
ruddiness in his cheeks that was the more a grace, for his complexion was of 
the brownest, not of that dusky dun colour which excludes the idea of 
freshness, but of that clear, olive gloss, which, glowing with life, dazzles 
perhaps less than fairness, and yet pleases more, when it pleases at all. 
His hair being too short to tie fell no lower than his neck, in short easy 
curls; and he had a few sprigs about his paps, that garnishd'd his chest in 
a style of strength and manliness. Then his grand movement, which seem'd to 
rise out of a thicket of curling hair that spread from the root all round 
thighs and belly up to the navel, stood stiff and upright, but of a size to 
frighten me, by sympathy, for the small tender part which was the object of 
it's fury, and which now lay expos'd to my fairest view; for he had, 
immediately on stripping off his shirt, gently push'd her down on the couch, 
which stood conveniently to break her willing fall. Her thighs were spread 
out to their utmost extension, and discovered between them the mark of the 
sex, the red-center'd cleft of flesh, whose lips vermillioning inwards, 
exprest a small rubid line in sweet miniature, such as Guido's touch or 
colouring could never attain to the life or delicacy of. 

Phoebe, at this, gave me a gentle jog, to prepare me for a whispered 
question: "Whether I thought my little maidenhead was much less?" But my 
attention was too much engross'd, too much enwrapp'd with all I saw, to be 
able to give her any answer. 

By this time the young gentleman had changed her posture from lying breadth 
to length-wise on the couch: but her thighs were still spread, and the mark 
lay fair for him, who now kneeling between them, displayd'd to us a 
side-view of that fierce erect machine of his, which threaten'd no less than 
splitting the tender victim, who lay smiling at the uplifted stroke, nor 
seem'd to decline it. He looked upon his weapon himself with some pleasure, 
and guiding it with his hand to the inviting slit, drew aside the lips, and 
lodg'd it (after some thrusts, which Polly seem'd even to assist) about half 
way; but there it stuck, I suppose from its growing thickness: he draws it 
again, and just wetting it with spittle, re-enters, and with ease sheath'd 
it now up to the hilt, at which Polly gave a deep sigh, which was quite 
another tone than one of pain; he thrusts, she heaves, at first gently, and 
in a regular cadence; but presently the transport began to be too violent to 
observe any order or measure; their motions were too rapid, their kisses too 
fierce and fervent for nature to support such fury long: both seem'd to me 
out of themselves: their eyes darted fires: "Oh! ... oh! ... I can't bear it 
... It is too much ... I die ... I am going...."were Polly's expressions of 
extasy: his joys were more silent; but soon broken murmurs, sighs 
heart-fetch'd, and at length a dispatching thrust, as if he would have 
forced himself up her body, and then motionless languor of all his limbs, 
all shewed that the die-away moment was come upon him; which she gave signs 
of joining with, by the wild throwing of her hands about, closing her eyes, 
and giving a deep sob, in which she seemed to expire in an agony of bliss. 

When he had finish'd his stroke, and got from off her, she lay still without 
the last motion, breathless, as it should seem, with pleasure. He replaced 
her again breadth-wise on the couch, unable to sit up, with her thighs open, 
between which I could observe a kind of white liquid, like froth, hanging 
about the outward lips of that recently opened wound, which now glowed with 
a deeper red. Presently she gets up, and throwing her arms round him, seemed 
far from undelighted with the trial he had put her to, to judge, at least by 
the fondness with which she ey'd, and hung upon him. 

For my part, I will not pretend to describe what I felt all over me during 
this scene; but from that instant, adieu all fears of what man could do unto 
me; they were now changed into such ardent desires, such ungovernable 
longings, that I could have pull'd the first of that sex that should present 
himself, by the sleeve, and offered him the bauble, which I now imagined the 
loss of would be a gain I could not too soon procure myself. 

Phoebe, who had more experience, and to whom such sights were not so new, 
could not however be unmoved at so warm a scene; and drawing me away softly 
from the peep-hole, for fear of being over-heard, guided me as near the door 
as possible, all passive and obedient to her least signal. 

Here was no room either to sit or lie, but making me stand with my back 
towards the door, she lifted up my petticoats, and with her busy fingers 
fell to visit and explore that part of me, where now the heat and 
irritations were so violent, that I was perfectly sick and ready to die with 
desire; that the bare touch of her finger, in that critical place, had the 
effect of a fire to a train, and her hand instantly made her sensible to 
what a pitch I was wound up, and melted by the sight she had thus procured 
me. Satisfied then with her success, in allaying a heat that would have made 
me impatient of seeing the continuation of the transactions between our 
amourous couple, she brought me again to the crevice, so favourable to our 
curiosity. 

We had certainly been but a few instants away from it, and yet on our return 
we saw every thing in good forwardness for recommencing the tender 
hostilities. 

The young foreigner was sitting down, fronting us, on the couch, with Polly 
upon one knee, who had her arms round his neck, whilst the extreme whiteness 
of her skin was not undelightfully contrasted by the smooth glossy brown of 
her lover's. 

But who could count the fierce, unnumber'd kisses given and taken? in which 
I could often discover their exchanging the velvet thrust, when both their 
mouths were double tongued, and seemed to favour the mutual insertion with 
the greatest gust and delight. 

In the mean time, his red-headed champion, that has so lately fled the pit, 
quell'd and abash'd, was now re-cover'd to the top of his condition, perk'd 
and crested up between Polly's thighs, who was not wanting, on her part, to 
coax and keep it in good humour, stroaking it, with her head down, and 
received even its velvet tip between the lips of not its proper mouth: 
whether she did this out of any particular pleasure, or whether it was to 
render it more glib and easy of entrance, I could not tell; but it has such 
an effect, that the young gentleman seem'd by his eyes, that sparkled with 
more excited lustre, and his inflamed countenance, to receive increase of 
pleasure. He got up, and taking Polly in his arms, embraced her, and said 
something too softly for me to hear, leading her withal to the foot of the 
couch, and taking delight to slap her thighs and posteriors with that stiff 
sinew of his, which hit them with a spring that he gave it with his hand, 
and made them resound again, but hurt her about as much as he meant to hurt 
her, for she seemed to have as frolic a taste as himself. 

But guess my surpsie, whan I saw the lazy young rogue lie down on his back, 
and gently pull down Polly upon him, who giving way to his humour, 
straddled, and with her hands conducted her blind favourite to the right 
place; and following her impulse, ran directly upon the flaming point of 
this weapon of pleasure, which she stak'd herself upon, up pierc'd, and 
infix'd to the extremest hair-breadth of it: thus she sat on him a few 
instants, enjoying and relishing her situation, whilst he toyed with her 
provoking breasts. Sometimes she would stoop to meet his kiss: but presently 
the sting of pleasure spurr'd them up to fiercer action; then began the 
storm of heaves, which, from the undermost combatant, were thrusts at the 
same time, he crossed his hands over her, and drawing her home to him with a 
sweet violence: the inverted strokes of anvil over hammer soon brought on 
the critical period, in which all the signs of a close conspiring extasy 
informed us of the point they were at. 

For me, I could bear to see no more; I was so overcome, so inflamed at the 
second part of the same play, that, mad to an intolerable degree, I hugg'd, 
I clasped Phoebe, as if she had wherewithal to relieve me. Pleased however 
with, and pitying the taking she could feel me in, she drew me towards the 
door, and opening it as softly as she could, we both got off undiscover'd, 
and she reconducted me to my own room, where, unable to keep my legs, in the 
agitation I was in, I instantly threw myself down on the bed, where I lay 
transported, through asham'd at what I felt. 

Phoebe lay down by me, and ask'd me archly, "if, now that I had seen the 
enemy, and fully considered him, I was still afraid of him? or did I think I 
could venture to come to a close engagement with him?" To all which, not a 
word on my side; I sigh'd, and could scarce breathe. She takes hold of my 
hand, and having roll'd up her own petticoats, forced it half strivingly, 
towards those parts, where, now grown more knowing, I miss'd the main object 
of my wishes; and finding not even the shadow of what I wanted, where every 
thing was so flat, or so hollow, in the vexation I was in at it, I should 
have withdrawn my hand, but for fear of disobliging her. Abandoning it then 
entirely to her management, she made use of it as she throught proper, to 
procure herself rather the shadow than the substance of any pleasure. For my 
part, I now pin'd for more solid food, and promis'd tacitly to myself that I 
would not be put off much longer with this foolery from woman to woman, if 
Mrs. Brown did not soon provide me with the essential specific. In short, I 
had all the air of not being able to wait the arrival of my lord B......, 
tho' he was now expected in a very few days: nor did I wait for him, for 
love itself took charge of the disposal of me, in spite of interest, or 
gross lust. 

It was now two days after the closet-scene, that I got up about six in the 
morning, and leaving my bed-fellow fast asleep, stole down, with no other 
thought than of taking a little fresh air in a small garden, which our 
back-parlour open'd into, and from which my confinement debarr'd me, at the 
times company came to the house; but now sleep and silence reign'd all over 
it. 

I open'd the parlour door, and well surpriz'd was I at seeing, by the side 
of a fire half-out, a young gentleman in the old lady's elbow chair, with 
his legs laid upon another, fast asleep, and left there by his thoughtless 
companions, who had drank him down, and then went off with every one his 
mistress, whilst he stay'd behind by the courtesy of the old matron, who 
would not disturb or turn him out in that condition, at one in the morning; 
and beds, it is more than probable, there were none to spare. On the table, 
still remain'd the punch bowl and glasses, strew'd about in their usual 
disorder after a drunken revel. 

But when I drew nearer, to view the sleeping estray, heavens! what a sight! 
No! no term of years, no turn of fortune could ever erase the lightning-like 
impression his form made on me ... Yes! dearest object of my earliest 
passion, I command for ever the remembrance of thy first appearance to my 
ravish'd eyes ... it calls thee up, present; and I see thee now! 

Figure to yourself, Madam, a fair stripling, between eighteen and nineteen, 
with his head reclin'd on one of the sides of the chair, his hair in 
disorder'd curls, irregularly shading a face, on which all the roseate bloom 
of youth and all the manly graces conspired to fix my eyes and heart. Even 
the languor and paleness of his face, in which the momentary triumph of the 
lilly over the rose was owing to the excesses of the night, gave an 
inexpressible sweetness to the finest features imaginable: his eyes, closed 
in sleep, displayed the meeting edges of their lids beautifully bordered 
with long eyelashes; over which no pencil could have described two more 
regular arches than those that grac'd his forehead, which was high, 
perfectly white and smooth. Then a pair of vermilion lips, pouting and 
swelling to the touch, as if a bee had freshly stung them, seem'd to 
challenge me to get the gloves of this lovely sleeper, had not the modesty 
and respect, which in both sexes are inseparable from a true passion, 
check'd my impulses. 

But on seeing his shirt-collar unbutton'd, and a bosom whiter than a drift 
of snow, the pleasure of considering it could not bribe me to lengthen it, 
at the hazard of a health that began to be my life's concern. Love, that 
made me timid, taught me to be tender too. With a trembling hand I took hold 
of one of his, and waking him as gently as possible, he started, and 
looking, at first a little wildly, said with a voice that sent its 
harmonious sound to my heart: "Pray, child, what-o-clock is it?" I told him, 
and added that he might catch cold if he slept longer with his breast open 
in the cool of the morning air. On this he thanked me with a sweetness 
perfectly agreeing with that of his features and eyes; the last now broad 
open, and eagerly surveying me, carried the sprightly fires they sparkled 
with directly to my heart. 

It seems, that having drank too freely before he came upon the rake with 
some of his young companions, he had put himself out of a condition to go 
through all the weapons with them, and crown the night with getting a 
mistress; so that seeing me in a loose undress, he did not doubt but I was 
one of the misses of the house, sent in to repair his loss of time; but 
though he seiz'd that notion, and a very obvious one it was, without 
hesitation, yet, whether my figure made a more than ordinary impression on 
him, or whether it was natural politeness, he address'd me in a manner far 
from rude, tho' still on the foot of one of the house pliers, come to amuse 
him; and giving me the first kiss that I ever relish'd from man in my life, 
ask'd me if I could favour him with my company, assuring me that he would 
make it worth my while: but had not even new-born love, that true refiner of 
lust, oppos'd so sudden a surrender, the fear of being surpriz'd by the 
house was a sufficient bar to my compliance. 

I told him then, in a tone set me by love itself, that for reasons I had not 
time to explain to him, I could not stay with him, and might not even ever 
see him again: with a sigh at these last words, which broke from the bottom 
of my heart. My conquerer, who, as he afterwards told me, had been struck 
with my appearance, and lik'd me as much as he could think of liking any one 
in my suppos'd way of life, ask'd me briskly at once, if I would be kept by 
him, and that he would take a lodging for me directly, and relieve me from 
any engagements he presum'd I might be under to the house. Rash, sudden, 
undigested, and even dangerous as this offer might be from a perfect 
stranger, and that stranger a giddy boy, the prodigious love I was struck 
with for him, had put a charm into his voice there was no resisting, and 
blinded me to every objection; I could, at that instant, have died for him: 
think if I could resist an invitation to live with him! Thus my heart, 
beating strong to the proposal, dictated my answer, after scarce a minute's 
pause, that I would accept of his offer, and make my escape to him in what 
way he pleased, and that I would be entirely at his disposal, let it be good 
or bad. I have often since wondered that so great an easiness did not 
disgust him, or make me too cheap in his eyes, but my fate had so appointed 
it, that in his fears of the hazard of the town, he had been some time 
looking out for a girl to take into keeping, and my person happening to hit 
his fancy, it was by one of those miracles reserved to love, that we struck 
the bargain in the instant, which we sealed by an exchange of kisses, that 
the hopes of a more uninterrupted enjoyment engaged him to content himself 
with. 

Never, however, did dear youth care in his person, more wherewith to justify 
the turning of a girl's head, and making her set all consequences at 
defiance, for the sake of following a gallant. 

For, besides all the perfections of manly beauty which were assembled in his 
form, he had an air of neatness and gentility, a certain smartness in the 
carriage and port of his head, that yet more distinguish'd him; his eyes 
were sprightly and full of meaning; his looks had in them something at once 
sweet and commanding. His complexion out-bloom'd the lovely-colour'd rose, 
whilst its inimitable tender vivid glow clearly sav'd it from the reproach 
of wanting-life, of raw and dough-like, which is commonly made to those so 
extremely fair as he was. 

Our little plan was, that I should get out about seven the next morning 
(which I could readily promise, as I knew where to get the key of the street 
door), and he would wait at the end of the street with a coach to convey me 
safe off; after which, he would send, and clear any debt incurr'd by my stay 
at Mrs. Brown's, who, he only judged, in gross, might not care to part with 
one, he thought so fit to draw custom to the house. 

I. then just hinted to him not to mention in the house his having seen such 
a person as me, for reasons I would explain to him more at leisure. And 
then, for fear of miscarrying, by being seen together, I tore myself from 
him with a bleeding heart, and stole up softly to my room, where I found 
Phoebe still fast asleep, and hurrying off my few cloaths, lay down by her, 
with a mixture of joy and anxiety, that may be easier conceived than 
express'd. 

The risks of Mrs. Brown's discovering my purpose, of disappointments, 
misery, ruin, all vanish'd before this new-kindl'd flame. The seeing, the 
touching, the being, if but for a night, with this idol of my fond 
virgin-heart, appeared to me a happiness above the purchase of my liberty or 
life. He might use me ill, let him! he was the master; happy, too happy, 
even to receive death at so dear a hand. 

To this purpose were the reflections of the whole day, of which every minute 
seem'd to me a little eternity. How often did I visit the clock! nay, was 
tempted to advance the tedious hand, as if that would have advanc'd the time 
with it! Had those of the house made the least observations on me, they must 
have remark'd something extraordinary from the discomposure I could not help 
betraying; especially when at dinner mention was made of the charmingest 
youth having been there, and stay'd for breakfast. "Oh! he was such a 
beauty! ... I should have died for him! ... they would pull caps for 
him!.,',.." and the like fooleries, which, however, was throwing oil on a 
fire I was sorely put to it to smother the blaze of. 

The fluctuations of my mind, the whole day, produc'd one good effect: which 
was, that, through mere fatigue, I slept tolerably well till five in the 
morning, when I got up, and having dress'd myself, waited, under the double 
tortures of fear and impatience, for the appointed hour. It came at last, 
the dear, critical, dangerous hour came; and now, supported only by the 
courage love lent me, I ventured, a tip-toe, down stairs, leaving my box 
behind, for fear of being surpriz'd with it in going out. 

I got to the street-door, the key whereof was always laid on the chair by 
our bed side, in trust with Phoebe, who, having not the least suspicion of 
my entertaining any design to go from them (nor, indeed had I, but the day 
before), made no reserve or concealment of it from me. I open'd the door 
with great ease; love, that embolden'd, protected me too: and now, got safe 
into the street, I saw my new guardian-angel waiting at a coach-door, ready 
open. How I got to him I know not: I suppose I flew; but I was in the coach 
in a trice, and he by the side of me, with his arms clasp'd round me, and 
giving me the kiss of welcome. The coachman had his orders, and drove to 
them. 

My eyes were instantly fill'd with tears, but tears of the most delicious 
delight; to find myself in the arms of that beauteous youth, was a rapture 
that my little heart swam in. Past or future were equally out of the 
question with me. The present was as much as all my powers of life were 
sufficient to bear the transport of, without fainting. Nor were the most 
tender embraces, the most soothing expressions wanting on his side-, to 
assure me of his love, and of never giving me cause to repent the bold step 
I had taken, in throwing myself thus entirely upon his honour and 
generosity. But, alas! this was no merit in me, for I was drove to it by a 
passion too impetuous for me to resist, and I did what I did because I could 
not help it. 

In an instant, for time was now annihilated with me, we landed at a public 
house in Chelsea, hospitably commodious for the reception of duet-parties of 
pleasure, where a breakfast of chocolate was prepared for us. 

An old jolly stager, who kept it, and understood life perfectly well, 
breakfasted with us, and leering archly at me, gave us both joy, and said, 
"we were well paired, i' faith! that a great many gentlemen and ladies used 
his house, but he had never seen a handsomer couple ... he was sure I was a 
fresh piece ... I look'd so country, so innocent! well my spouse was a lucky 
man!...." all which common landlord's can't, not only pleas'd and sooth'd 
me, but help'd to divert my confusion at being with my new sovereign, whom, 
now the minute approach'd, I began to fear to be alone with: a timidity 
which true love had a greater share in than even maiden bashfulness. 

I wish'd, I doat'd, I could have died for him; and yet, I know not how, or 
why, I dreaded the point which had been the object of my fiercest wishes; my 
pulses beat fears, amidst a flush of the warmest desires. This struggle of 
the passions, however, this conflict betwixt modesty and lovesick longings, 
made me burst again into tears; which he took, as he had done before, only, 
for the remains of concern and emotion at the suddenness of my change of 
condition, in committing myself to his care; and, in consequence of that 
idea, did and said all that the thought would most comfort and reinspirit 
me. 

After breakfast, Charles (the dear familiar name I must take the liberty 
henceforward to distinguish my Adonis by), with a smile full of meaning, 
took me gently by the hand, and said: "Come, my dear, I will show you a room 
that commands a fine prospect over some gardens"; and without waiting for an 
answer, in which he relieved me extremely, he led me up into a chamber, airy 
and lightsome, where all seeing of prospects was out of the question, except 
that of a bed, which had all the air of having recommended the room to him. 

Charles had just slipp'd the bolt of the door, and running, caught me in his 
arms, and lifting me from the ground, with his lips glew'd to mine, bore me, 
trembling, panting, dying, with soft fears and tender wishes to the bed 
where his impatience would not suffer him to undress me, more than just 
unpinning my handkerchief and gown, and unlacing my stays. 

My bosom was now bare, and rising in the warmest throbs, presented to his 
sight and feeling the firm hard swell of a pair of young breasts, such as 
may be imagin'd of a girl not sixteen, fresh out of the country, and never 
before handled; but even their pride, whiteness, fashion, pleasing 
resistance to the touch, could not bribe his restless hands from roving but, 
giving them the loose, my petticoats and shift were soon taken up, and their 
stronger center of attraction laid open to their tender invasion. My fears, 
however, made me mechanically close my thighs; but the very touch of his 
hand insinuated between them, disclosed them and opened a way for the main 
attack. 

In the mean time, I lay fairly exposed to the examination of his eyes and 
hands, quiet and unresisting; which confirm'd him the opinion he proceeded 
so cavalierly upon, that I was no novice in these matters, since he had 
taken me out of a common bawdy-house, nor had I said one thing to prepossess 
him of my virginity; and if I had, he would sooner have believ'd that I took 
him for a cully that would swallow such an improbability, than that I was 
still mistress of that darling treasure, that hidden mine, so eager'y sought 
after by the men, and which they never dig for, but to destroy. 

Being now too high wound up to bear a delay, he un-button'd, and drawing out 
the engine of love-assaults, drove it currently, as at a ready-made breach 
... Then! then! for the first time, did I feel that stiff horn-hard gristle, 
battering against the tender part; but imagine to yourself his surprize, 
when he found, after several vigorous pushes, which hurt me extremely, that 
he made not the least impression. 

I complain'd, but tenderly complain'd: "I could not bear it ... indeed he 
hurt me!...." Still he thought no more, than that being so young, the 
largeness of his machine (for few men could dispute size with him) made all 
the difficulty; and that possibly I had not been enjoy'd by any so 
advantageously made in that part as himself: for still, that my virgin 
flower was yet uncrop'd, never enter'd into his head, and he would have 
thought it idling with time and words, to have question'd me upon it. 

He tries again, still no admittance, still no penetration; but he had hurt 
me yet more, whilst my extreme love made me bear extreme pain, almost 
without a groan. At length, after repeated fruitless trials, he lay down 
panting by me, kiss'd my falling tears, and ask'd me tenderly "what was the 
meaning of so much complaining? and if I had not borne it better from others 
than I did from him?" I answered, with a simplicity fram'd to persuade, that 
he was the first man that ever serv'd me so. Truth is powerful, and it is 
not always that we do not believe what we eagerly wish. 

Charles, already dispos'd by the evidence of his senses to think my 
pretences to virginity not entirely apocryphal, smothers me with kisses, 
begs me, in the name of love, to have a little patience, and that he will be 
as tender of hurting me as he would be of himself. 

Alas! it was enough I knew his pleasure to submit joyfully to him whatever 
pain I foresaw it would cost me. 

He now resumes his attempts in more form: first, he-put one of the pillows 
under me, to give the blank of his aim a more favourable elevation, and 
another under my head, in ease of it; then spreading my thighs, and placing 
himself standing between them, made them rest upon his hips; applying then 
the point of his machine to the slit, into which he sought entrance: it was 
so small, he could scarce assure himself of it's being rightly pointed. He 
looks, he feels, and satisfies himself: then driving forward with fury, its 
prodigious stiffness, thus impacted, wedge-like, breaks the union of those 
parts, and gain'd him just the insertion of the tip of it, lip-deep; which 
being sensible of, he improved his advantage, and following well his stroke, 
in a straight line, forcibly deepens his penetration; but put me to such 
intolerable pain, from the separation of the sides of that soft passage by a 
hard thick body, I could have scream'd out; but, as I was unwilling to alarm 
the house, I held in my breath, and cram'd my petticoat, which was turn'd up 
over my face, into my mouth, and bit it through in the agony. At length, the 
tender texture of that tract giving way to such fierce tearing and rending, 
he piere'd something further into me: and now, outrageous and no longer his 
own master, but borne headlong away by the fury and over-mettle of that 
member, now exerting itself with a kind of native rage, he breaks in, 
carries all before him, and one violent merciless lunge sent it, imbrew'd, 
and reeking with virgin blood, up to the very hilt in me ... Then! then all 
my resoultions deserted me: I scream'd out, fainted away with the sharpness 
of the pain; and, as he told me afterwards, on his drawing out, when 
emission was over with him, my thighs were instantly all in a stream of 
blood, that flow'd from the wounded torn passage. 

When I recover'd my senses, I found myself undress'd, and a-bed, in the arms 
of the sweet relenting murderer of my virginity, who hung mourning tenderly 
over me, and holding in his hand a cordial, which, coming from the still 
dear author of so much pain, I could not refuse; my eyes, however, moisten'd 
with tears and languishingly turn'd upon him, seemed to reproach him with 
his cruelty, and ask him if such were the rewards of love. But Charles, to 
whom I was now infinitely endear'd by this complete triumph over a 
maidenhead, where he so little expected to find one, in tenderness to that 
pain which he had put me to, in procuring himself the height of pleasure, 
smother'd his exultation, and employ'd himself with so much sweetness, so 
much warmth, to sooth, to caress, and comfort me in my soft complainings, 
which breath'd,. indeed, more love than resentment, that I presently drown'd 
all sense of pain in the pleasure of seeing him, of thinking that I belong'd 
to him: he who was now the absolute disposer of my happiness, and, in one 
word, my fate. 

The sore was, however, too tender, the wound too bleeding fresh, for 
Charles's good-nature to put my patience presently to another trial; but as 
I could not stir, or walk across the room, he order'd the dinner to be 
brought to the bed-side, where it could not be otherwise than my getting 
down the wing of a fowl, and two or three glasses of wine, since it was my 
ador'd youth who both serv'd, and urged them on me, with that sweet 
irrestible authority with which love had invested him over me. 

After dinner, and .as everything but the wine was taken away, Charles very 
impudently asks a leave, he might read the grant of in my eyes, to come to 
bed to me, and accordingly falls to undressing; which I could not see the 
progress of without strange emotions of fear and pleasure. 

He is now in bed with me the first time, and in broad day; but when 
thrusting up his own shirt and my shift, he laid his naked glowing body to 
mine ... oh! insupportable delight! oh! superhuman rapture! what pain could 
stand before a pleasure so transporting? I felt no more the smart of my 
wounds below; but, curling round him like the tendril of a vine, as if I 
fear'd any part of him should be untouch'd or unpress'd by me, I return'd 
his strenuous embraces and kisses with a fervour and gust only known to true 
love, and which mere lust could never rise to. 

Yes, even at this time, that all the tyranny of the passions is fully over, 
and that my veins roll no longer but a cold tranquil stream, the remembrance 
of those passages that most affected me in my youth, still cheers and 
refreshes me. Let me proceed then. My beauteous youth was now glew'd to me 
in all the folds and twists that we could make our bodies meet in; when, no 
longer able to rein in the fierceness of refresh'd desires, he gives his 
steed the head, and gently insinuating his thighs between mine, stopping my 
mouth with kisses of humid fire, makes a fresh irruption, and renewing his 
thrusts, pierces, tears, and forces his way up the torn tender folds, that 
yielded him admission with a smart little less severe that when the breach 
was first made. I stifled, however, my cries, and bore him with the passive 
fortitude of an heroine; soon his thrusts, more and more furious, cheeks 
flush'd with a deeper scarlet, his eyes turn'd up in the fervent fit, some 
dying sighs, and an agonizing shudder, anounced the approaches of that 
extatic pleasure, I was yet in too much pain to come in for my share of it. 

Nor was it till after a few enjoyments had numb'd and blunted the sense of 
the smart, and given me to feel the titillating inspersion of balsamic 
sweets, drew from me the delicious return, and brought down all my passion, 
that I arrived at excess of pleasure through excess of pain. But when 
successive engagements had broke and inur'd me, I began to enter into the 
true unallay'd relish of that pleasure of pleasures, when the warm gush 
darts through all the ravish'd inwards; what floods of bliss! what melting 
transports! what agonies of delight! too fierce, too mighty for nature to 
sustain; well has she therefore, no doubt, provided the relief of a 
delicious momentary dissolution, the approaches of which are intimated by a 
dear delirium, a sweet thrill, on the point of emitting those liquid sweets, 
in which enjoyment itself is drown'd, when one gives the languishing 
stretch-out, and dies at the discharge. 

How often, when the rage and tumult of my senses had subsided after the 
melting flow, have I, in a tender meditation ask'd myself coolly the 
question, if it was in nature for any of its creatures to be so happy as I 
was? Or, what were all fears of the consequence, put in the scale of one 
night's enjoyment of any thing so transcendently the taste of my eyes and 
heart, as that delicious, fond, matchless youth? 

Thus we spent the whole afternoon till supper time, in a continued circle of 
love delights, kissing, turtle-billing, toying, and all the rest of the 
feast. At length, supper was serv'd in, before which Charles had, for I do 
not know what reason, slipt his clothes on; and sitting down by the bed 
side, we made table and table-cloth of the bed and sheets, whilst he 
suffer'd nobody to attend or serve but himself. He ate with a very good 
appetite, and seem'd charm'd to see me eat. For my part, I was so inchanted 
with my fortune, so transported with the comparison of the delights I now 
swam in, with the insipidity of all my past scenes of life, that I throught 
them sufficiently cheap at even the price of my ruin, or the risque of their 
not lasting. The present possession was all my little head could find room 
for. 

We lay together that night, when, after playing repeated prizes of pleasure, 
nature, overspent and satlsfy'd, gave us up to the arms of sleep: those of 
my dear youth encircled me, the consciousness of which made even that sleep 
more delicious. 

Late in the morning I wak'd, first; and observing my lover slept profoundly, 
softly disengag'd myself from his arms, scarcely daring to breathe, for fear 
of shortening his repose; my cap, my hair, my shift, were all in disorder, 
from the rufflings I had undergone; and I took this opportunity to adjust 
and set them as well as I could: whilst, every now and then, looking at the 
sleeping youth, with inconceivable fondness and delight, and reflecting on 
all the pain he had put me to, tacitly own'd that the pleasure had overpaid 
me for my sufferings. 

It was then broad day. I was sitting up in the bed, the cloaths of which 
were all tossed, or rolled off, by the unquietness of our motions, from the 
sultry heat of the weather; nor could I refuse myself a pleasure that 
solicited me so irresistibly, as this fair occasion of feasting my sight 
with all those treasures of youthful beauty I had enjoy'd, and which lay now 
almost entirely naked, his shirt being truss'd up in a perfect wisp, which 
the warmth of the room and season made me easy about the consequence of. I 
hung over him enamour'd indeed! and devoured all his naked charms with only 
two eyes, when I could have wish'd them at least an hundred, for the fuller 
enjoyment of the gaze. 

Oh! could I paint his figure as I see it now, still present to my 
transported imagination! a whole length of an all perfect manly beauty in 
full view. Think of a face without a fault, glowing with all the opening 
bloom and vernal freshness of an age in which beauty is of either sex, and 
which the first down over his upper lip scarce began to distinguish. 

The parting of the double ruby pout of his lips seem'd to exhale an air 
sweeter and purer than what it drew in: ah! what violence did it not cost me 
to refrain the so tempted kiss! 

Then a neck exquisitely turn'd, grac'd behind and on the sides with his 
hair, playing freely in natural ringlets, connected his head to a body of 
the most perfect form, and of the most vigorous contexture, in which all the 
strength of manhood was conceal'd and soften'd to appearance by the delicacy 
of his complexion, the smoothness of his skin, and the plumpness of his 
flesh. 

The platform of his snow-white bosom, that was laid out in a manly 
proportion, presented, on the vermillion summit of each pap, the idea of a 
rose about to blow. 

Nor did his shirt hinder me from observing that symmetry of his limbs, the 
exactness of shape, in the fall of it toward the loins, where the waist ends 
and the rounding swell of the hips commences; where the skin, sleek, smooth, 
and dazzling white, burnishes on the stretch over firm plump, ripe flesh, 
that crimp'd and ran into dimples at the least pressure, or that the touch 
could not rest upon, but slid over as in the surface of the most polished 
ivory. 

His thighs, finely fashioned, and with a florid glossy roundness, gradually 
tapering away to the knees, seem'd pillars worthy to support that beauteous 
frame; at the bottom of which I could not, without some remains of terror, 
some tender emotions too, fix my eyes on that terrible machine, which had, 
not long before, with such fury broke into, torn, and almost ruin'd those 
soft, tender parts of mine, that had not yet done smarting with the effects 
of its rage; but behold it now! crest fall'n, reclining its halfcapt 
vermilion head over one of his thighs, quiet, pliant, and to all appearance 
incapable of the mischiefs and cruelty it had commited. Then the beautiful 
growth of the hair, in short and soft curls round its root, its whiteness, 
branch'd veins, the supple softness of the shaft, as it lay foreshorten'd, 
roll'd and shrunk up into a squab thickness, languid, and borne up from 
between his thighs, by its globular appendage, that wondrous treasure-bag of 
nature's sweets, which rivell'd round, and purs'd up in the only wrinkles 
that are known to please, perfected the prospect, and all together formed 
the most interesting moving picture in nature, and surely infinitely 
superior to those rudities furnish'd by the painters, statuaries, or any 
art, which are purchas'd at immense prices; whilst the sight of them in 
actual life is scarce sovereignly tastes by any but the few whom nature has 
endowed with a fire of imagination, warmly pointed by a truth of judgement 
to the spring-head, the originals of beauty, of nature's unequall'd 
composition, above all the imitation of art, or the reach of wealth to pay 
their price. 

But every thing must have an end. A motion made by this angelic youth, in 
the listlessness of going off sleep, replac'd his shirt and the bed clothes 
in a posture that shut up that treasure from longer view. 

I lay down then, and carrying my hands to that part of me in which the 
objects just seen had begun to raise a mutiny, that prevail'd over the smart 
of them, my fingers now open'd themselves an easy passage; but long I had 
not time to consider the wide difference there, between the maid and the now 
finish'd woman, before Charles wak'd, and turning towards me, kindly 
enquir'd how I had rested? and, scarce giving me time to answer, imprinted 
on my lips one of his burning rapture-kisses, which darted a flame to my 
heart, that from thence radiated to every part of me; and presently, as if 
he had proudly meant revenge for the survey I had smuggled of all-his naked 
beauties, he spurns off the bed clothes, and trussing up my shift as high as 
it would go, took his turn to feast his eyes on all the gifts nature had 
bestow'd on my person; his busy hands, too, rang'd intemperately over every 
part of me. The delicious austerity and hardness of my yet unripe budding 
breasts, the whiteness and firmness of my flesh, the freshness and 
regularity of my features, the harmony of my limbs, all seem'd to confirm 
him in his satisfaction with his bargain; but when curious to explore the 
havoc he had made in the centre of his over-fierce attack, he not only 
directed his hands there, but with a pillow put under, placed me favourably 
for his wanton purpose of inspection. Then, who can express the fire his 
eyes glisten'd, his hands glow'd with! whilst sighs of pleasure, and tender 
broken exclamations, were all the praises he could utter. By this time his 
machine, stiffly risen at me, gave me to see it in its highest state and 
bravery. He feels it himself, seems pleased at its condition, and, smiling 
loves and graces, seizes one of my hands, and carries it, with a gentle 
compulsion, to this pride of nature, and its richest master piece. 

I, struggling faintly, could not help feeling what I could not grasp, a 
column of the whitest ivory, beautifully streak'd with blue veins, and 
carrying, fully uncapt, a head of the liveliest vermilion: no horn could be 
harder or stiffer; yet no velvet more smooth or delicious to the touch. 
Presently he guided my hand lower, to that part in which nature and pleasure 
keep their stores in concert, so aptly fasten'd and hung on to the root of 
their first instrument and minister, that not improperly he might be stil'd 
their pursebearer too: there he made me feel distinctly, through their soft 
cover, the contents, a pair of roundish balls, that seem'd to play within, 
and elude all pressure, but the tenderest, from without. 

But now this visit of my soft warm hand, in those so sensible parts, had put 
every thing into such ungovernable fury, that disdaining all further 
preluding, and taking advantage of my commodious posture, he made the storm 
fall where I scarce patiently expected, and where he was sure to lay it: 
presently, then, I felt the stiff intersertion between the yielding, divided 
lips of the wound, now open for life; where the narrowness no longer put me 
to intolerable pain, and afforded my lover no more difficulty than what 
heighten'd his pleasure, in the strict embrace of that tender, warm sheath, 
round the instrument it was so delicately adjusted to, and which, now cased 
home, so gorged me with pleasure, that it perfectly suffocated me and took 
away my breath; then the killing thrusts! the unnumber'd kisses! every one 
of which was a joy inexpressible; and that joy lost in a crowd of yet 
greater blisses! But this was a disorder too violent in nature to last long: 
the vessels, so stirr'd and intensely heated, soon boil'd over, and for that 
time put out the fire; meanwhile all this dalliance and disport had so far 
consum'd the morning, that it became a kind of necessity to lay breakfast 
and dinner into one. 

In our calmer intervals Charles gave the following account of himself, every 
title of which was true. He was the only son of a father, who, having a 
small post in the revenue, rather over-Iiv'd his income, and had given this 
young gentleman a very slender education: no profession had he bred him up 
to, but design'd to provide for him in the army, by purchasing him an 
ensign's commission, that is to say, provided he could raise the money, or 
procure it by interest, either of which clauses was rather to be wish'd than 
hop'd for by him. On no better a plan, however, had this improvident father 
suffer'd this youth, a youth of great promise, to run up to the age of 
manhood, or near it at least, in next to idleness; and had, besides, taken 
no sort of pains to give him even the common premonitions against the vices 
of the town, and the dangers of all sorts which wait the unexperienc'd and 
unwary in it. He liv'd at home, and at discretion, with his father, who 
himself kept a mistress; and for the rest, provided Charles did not ask him 
for money, he was indolently kind to him: he might lie out when he pleas'd; 
any excuse would serve, and even his repremands were so slight, that they 
carried with them rather an air of connivance at the fault, than and serious 
control or constraint. But, to supply his calls for money, Charles, whose 
mother was dead, had, by her side, a grandmother, who doated upon him. She 
had a considerable annuity to live on, and very regularly parted with every 
shilling she could spare, to this darling of hers, to the no little 
heart-burn of his father; who was vex'd, not that she by this means, fed his 
son's extravagance, but that she preferr'd Charles to himself; and we shall 
soon see what a fatal turn such a mercenary jealousy could operate on the 
breast of a father. 

Charles was, however, by the means of his grandmother's lavish fondness, 
very sufficiently enabled to keep a mistress so easily contented as my love 
made me; and my good fortune, for such I must ever call it, threw me in his 
way, in the manner above related, just as he was on the look-out for one. 

As to temper, the even sweetness of it made him seem born for domestic 
happiness: tender, naturally polite, and gentle-manner'd; it could never be 
his fault, if ever jars, or animosities ruffled a calm he was so qualified 
every way to maintain or restore. Without those great or shining qualities 
that constitute a genius, or are fit to make a noise in the world, he had 
all those humble ones that compose the softer social merit: plain common 
sense, set off with every grace of modesty and good nature, made him, if not 
admir'd, what is much happier, universally belov'd and esteem'd. But as 
nothing but the beauties of his person had at first attracted my regard and 
fix'd my passion, neither was I then a judge of that internal merit, which I 
had afterward full occasion to discover, and which, perhaps, in that season 
of giddiness and levity, would have touch'd my heart very little, had it 
been lodg'd in a person less the delight of my eyes, and idol of my senses. 
But to return to our situation. 

After dinner, which we ate a-bed in a most voluptuous disorder, Charles got 
up, and taking a passionate leave of me for a few hours, he went to town, 
where concerting matters with a young sharp lawyer, they went together to my 
late venerable mistress's, from whence I had, but the day before, made my 
elopement, and with whom he was determin'd to settle accounts, in a manner 
that should cut off all after reckonings from that quarter. 

Accordingly they went; but by the way, the Templar, his friend, on thinking 
over Charles's information, saw reason to give their visit another turn, 
and, instead of offering satisfaction, to demand it. 

On being let in, the girls of the house flock'd round Charles, whom they 
knew, and from the earliness of my escape, and their perfect ignorance of 
his ever having so much as seen me, not having the least suspicion of his 
being accessory to my flight, they were, in their way, making up to him; and 
as to his companion, they took him probably for a fresh cully. But the 
Templar soon check'd their forwardness, by enquiring for the old lady, with 
whom, he said, with a grave judge-like countenance, that he had some 
business to settle. 

Madam was immediately sent for down, and the ladies being desir'd to clear 
the room, the lawyer ask'd her, severely, if she did know, or had not 
decoy'd, under pretence of hiring as a servant, a young girl, just come out 
of the country, called Frances or Fanny Hill, describing me withal as 
particularly as he could from Charles's description. 

It is peculiar to vice to tremble at the enquiries of justice; and Mrs. 
Browne, whose conscience was not entirely clear upon my account, as knowing 
as she was of the town, as hackney'd as she was in bluffing through all the 
danger of her vocation, could not help being alarm'd at the question, 
especially when he went on to talk of a Justice of peace, Newgate, the Old 
Bailey, indictments for keeping a disorderly house, pillory, carting, and 
the whole process of that nature. She, who, it is likely, imagin'd I had 
lodg'd an information against her house, look'd extremely blank, and began 
to make a thousand protestations and excuses. However, to abridge, they 
brought away triumphantly my box of things, which, had she not been under an 
awe, she might have disputed with them; and not only that, but a clearance 
and discharge of any demands on the house, at the expence of no more than a 
bowl of arrack-punch, the treat of which, together with the choice of the 
house conveniences, was offer'd and not accepted. Charles all the time acted 
the chance-companion of the lawyer, who had brought him there, as he knew 
the house, and appear'd in no wise interested in the issue; but he had the 
collateral pleasure of hearing all that I had told him verified, so far as 
the bawd's fears would give her leave to enter into my history, which, if 
one may guess by the composition she so readily came into, were not small. 

Phoebe, my kind tutoress Phoebe, was at that time gone out, perhaps in 
search of me, or their cook'd-up story had not, it is probable, pass'd so 
smoothly. 

This negotiation had, however, taken up some time, which would have appear'd 
much longer to me, left, as I was, in a strange house, if the landlady, a 
motherly sort of a woman, to whom Charles had liberally recommended me, had 
not come up and borne me company. We drank tea, and her chat help'd to pass 
away the time very agreeably, since he was our theme; but as the evening 
deepened, and the hour set for his return was elaps'd, I could not dispel 
the gloom of impatience, and tender fears, which gathered upon me, and which 
our timid sex are apt to feel in proportion to their love. 

Long, however, I did not suffer: the sight of him overpaid me; and the soft 
reproach I had prepar'd for him, expired before it reach'd my lips. 

I was still a-bed, yet unable to use my legs otherwise than aukwardly, and 
Charles flew to me, catched me in his arms, rais'd and extending mine to 
meet his dear embrace, and gives me an account, interrupted by many a sweet 
parenthesis of kisses, of the success of his measures. 

I could not help laughing at the fright the old woman had been put into, 
which my ignorance, and indeed my want of innocence, had far from prepar'd 
me for bespeaking. She had, it seems, apprehended that I fled for shelter to 
some relation I had recollected in town, on my dislike of their ways and 
proceeding towards me, and that this application came from thence; for, as 
Charles had rightly judg'd, not one neighbour had, at that still hour, seen 
the circumstance of my escape into the coach, or, at least, notic'd him; 
neither had any in the house the least hint or clue of suspicion of my 
having spoke to him, much less of my having clapt up such a sudden bargain 
with a perfect stranger: thus the greatest improbability is not always what 
we should most mistrust. 

We supped with all the gaiety of two young giddy creatures at the top of 
their desires; and as I had most joyfully given up to Charles the whole 
charge of my future happiness, I throught of nothing beyond the exquisite 
pleasure of possessing him. 

He came to bed in due time; and this second night, the pain being pretty 
well over, I tasted, in full draughts, all the transports of perfect 
enjoyment: I swam, I bathed in bliss, till both fell fast asleep, through 
the natural consequences of satisfied desires, and appeas'd flames; nor did 
we wake but to renew'd raptures. 

Thus, making the most of love and life, did we stay in this lodging in 
Chelsea about ten days; in which time Charles took care to give his 
excursions from home a favourable gloss, and to keep his footing with his 
fond indulgent grand-mother, from whom he drew constant and sufficient 
supplies for the charge I was to him, and which was very trifling, in 
comparison with his former less regular course of pleasures. 

Charles remov'd me then to a private ready furnish'd lodging in 
D......street, St. James's, where he paid half a guinea a week for two rooms 
and a closet on the second floor, which he had been some time looking out 
for, and was more convenient for the frequency of his visits than where he 
had at first plac'd me, in a house which I cannot say but I left with 
regret, as it was infinitely endear'd to me by the first possession of my 
Charles, and the circumstance of losing, there, that jewel which can never 
be twice lost. The landlord, however, had no reason to complain of any 
thing, but of a procedure in Charles too liberal not to make him regret the 
loss of us. 

Arrived at our new lodgings, I remember I throught them extremely fine, 
though ordinary enough, even at that price; but, had it been a dungeon that 
Charles had brought me to, his presence would have made it a little 
Versailles. 

The landlady, Mrs. Jones, waited on us to our apartment, and with great 
volubility of tongue, explain'd to us all its conveniences: "that her own 
maid should wait on us ... that the best of quality had lodg'd at her house 
... that her first floor was let to a foreign secretary of an embassy, and 
his lady ... that I looked like a very good-natur'd lady...." At the word 
lady, I blush'd out of flatter'd vanity: this was too strong for a girl of 
my condition; for though Charles had had the precaution of dressing me in a 
less tawdry flaunting style than were the cloaths I escap'd to him in, and 
of passing me for his wife, that he had secretly married, and kept private 
(the old story) on account of his friends, I dare swear this appear'd 
extremely apocryphal to a woman who knew the town so well as she did; but 
that was the least of her concern. It was impossible to be less 
scruple-ridden than she was; and the advantage of letting her rooms being 
her sole object, the truth itself would have far from scandaliz'd her, or 
broke her bargain. 

A sketch of her picture, and personal history, will dispose you to account 
for the part she is to act in my concerns. 

She was about forty-six years old, tall, meagre, red-hair'd, with one of 
those trivial ordinary faces you meet with every where, and go about 
unheeded and unmentioned. In her youth she had been kept by a gentleman, 
who, dying, left her forty pounds a year during her life, in consideration 
of a daughter he had by her; which daughter, at the age of seventeen, she 
sold, for not a very considerable sum neither, to a gentleman who was going 
on Envoy abroad, and took his purchase with him, where he us'd her with the 
utmost tenderness, and it is throught, was secretly married to her: but had 
constantly made a point of her not keeping up the least correspondence with 
a mother base enough to make a market of her own flesh and blood. However, 
as she had no nature, nor, indeed, any passion but that of money, this gave 
her no further uneasiness, than, as she thereby lost a handle of squeezing 
presents, or other after-advantages, out of the bargain. Indifferent then, 
by nature of constitution, to every other pleasure but that of increasing 
the lump, by any means whatever, she commenc'd as a kind of private 
procuress, for which she was not amiss fitted, by her grave decent 
appearance, and sometimes did a job in the match-making way; in short, there 
was nothing that appear'd to her under the shape of gain, that she would not 
have undertaken. She knew most of the ways of the town, having not only 
herself been upon, but kept up constant intelligences in it, dealing, 
besides her practice in promoting a harmony between the two sexes, in 
private pawn-broking, and other profitable secrets. She rented the house she 
liv'd in, and made the most of it, by letting it out in lodgings; though she 
was worth, at least, near three or four thousand pounds, she would not allow 
herself even the necessaries of life, and pinn'd her subsistence entirely on 
what she could squeeze out of her lodgers. 

When she saw such a young pair come under her roof, her immediate notions, 
doubtless, were how she should make the most money of us, by every means 
that money might be made, and which, she rightly judged, our situation and 
inexperience would soon beget her occasions of. 

In this hopeful sanctuary, and under the clutches of this harpy, did we 
pitch our residence. It will not be mighty material to you, or very pleasant 
to me, to enter into a detail of all the petty cut-throat ways and means 
with which she used to fleece us; all which Charles indolently chose to bear 
with, rather than take the trouble of removing, the difference of expense 
being scarce attended to by a young gentleman who had no ideas of stint, or 
even economy, and a raw country girl who knew nothing of the matter. 

Here, however, under the wings of my sovereignly belov'd, did I flow the 
most delicious hours of my life; my Charles I had, and, in him, every thing 
my fond heart could wish or desire. He carried me to plays, operas, 
masquerades, and every diversion of the town; all which pleas'd me indeed, 
but pleas'd me infinitely the more for his being with me, and explaining 
every thing to me, and enjoying perhaps, the natural impressions of surprize 
and admiration, which such sights, at the first, never fail to excite in a 
country girl, new to the delights of them; but to me, they sensibly prov'd 
the power and full dominion of the sole passion of my heart over me, a 
passion in which soul and body were concenter'd, and left me no room for any 
other relish of life but love. 

As to the men I saw at those places, or at any other, they suffer'd so much 
in the comparison my eyes made of them with my all-perfect Adonis, that I 
had not the infidelity even of one wandering throught to reproach myself 
with upon his account. He was the universe to me, and all that was not him, 
was nothing to me. 

My love, in fine, was so excessive, that it arriv'd at annihilating every 
suggestion or kindling spark of jealousy; for, one idea only tending that 
way, gave me such exquisite torment, that my self-love, and dread of worse 
than death, made me for ever renounce and defy it: nor had I, indeed, 
occasion; for, were I to enter here on the recital of several instances 
wherein Charles sacrific'd to me women of greater importance than I dare 
hint (which, considering his form, was no such wonder), I might, indeed, 
give you full proof of his unshaken constancy to me; but would not you 
accuse me of warming up again a feast, that my vanity ought long ago to have 
been satisfy'd with? 

In our cessations from active pleasure, Charles fram'd himself one, in 
instructing me, as far as his own lights reach'd, in a great many points of 
life, that I was, in consequence of my noeducation, perfectly ignorant of: 
nor did I suffer one word to fall in vsin from the mouth of my lovely 
teacher: I hung on every syllable he utter'd, and receiv'd, as oracles, all 
he said; whilst kisses were all the interruption I could not refuse myself 
the pleasure of admitting, from lips that breath'd more than Arabian 
sweetness. 

I was in a little time enabled, by the progress I had made, to prove the 
deep regard I had paid to all that he had said to me: repeating it to him 
almost word for word; and to shew that I was not entirely the parrot, but 
that I reflected upon, that I enter'd into it, I join'd my own comments, and 
ask'd him questions of explanation. 

My country accent, and the rusticity of my gait, manners, and deportment, 
began now sensibly to wear off, so quick was my observation, and so 
efficacious my desire of growing every day worthier of his heart. 

As to money, though he brought me constantly all he receiv'd, it was with 
difficulty he even got me to give it room in my bureau; and what clothes I 
had, he could prevail on me to accept of on no other foot, than that of 
pleasing him by the greater neatness in my dress, beyond which I had no 
ambition. I could have made a pleasure of the greatest toil, and worked my 
fingers to the bone, with joy, to have supported him: guess, then, if I 
could harbour any idea of being burdensome to him, and this disinterested 
turn in me was so unaffected, so much the dictate of my heart, that Charles 
could not but feel it: and if he did not love me as much as I did him (which 
was the constant and only matter of sweet contention between us), he manag'd 
so, at least, as to give me the satisfaction of believing it impossible for 
man to be more tender, more true, more faithful than he was. 

Our landlady, Mrs. Jones, came frequently up to my apartment, from whence I 
never stirr'd on any pretext without Charles; nor was it long before she 
worm'd out, without much art, the secret of our having cheated the church of 
a ceremony, and, in course, of the terms we liv'd together upon; a 
circumstance which far from displeas'd her, considering the designs she had 
upon me, and which, alas! she will, too soon, have room to carry into 
execution. But in the mean time, her own experience of life let her see, 
that any attempt, however indirect or disguis'd, to divert or break, at 
least presently, so strong a cement of hearts as ours was, could only end in 
losing two lodgers, of whom she made very competent advantages, if either of 
us came to smoak her commission; for a commission she had from one of her 
customers, either to debauch, or get me away from my keeper at any rate. 

But the barbarity of my fate soon sav'd her the task of disuniting us. I had 
now been eleven months with this life of my life, which had passed in one 
continu'd rapid stream of delight: but nothing so violent was ever made to 
last. I was"" about three months gone with child by him; a circumstance 
which would have added to his tenderness, had he ever left me room to 
believe it could receive an addition, when the mortal, the unexpected blow 
of separation fell upon us. I shall gallop post over the particulars, which 
I shudder yet to think of, and cannot to this instant reconcile myself how, 
or by what means I could outlive it. 

Two life-long days had I linger'd through without hearing from him, I who 
breath'd, who existed but in him, and had never yet seen twenty-four hours 
pass without seeing or hearing from him. The third day my impatience was so 
strong, my alarms had been so severe, that I perfectly sicken'd with them; 
and being unable to support the shock longer, I sunk upon the bed, and 
ringing for Mrs. Jones, who had far from comforted me under my anxieties, 
she came up. I had scarce breath and spirit enough to find words to beg of 
her, if she would save my life, to fall upon some means of finding out 
instantly, what was become of its only prop and comfort. She pity'd me in a 
way that rather sharpen'd my affliction than suspended it, and went out upon 
this commission. 

Far she had not to go to Charles's father's who lived but an easy distance, 
in one of the streets that run into Covent Garden. There she went into a 
public house, and from thence sent for a maid-servant, whose name I had 
given her, as the properest to inform her. 

The maid readily came, and as readily, when Mrs. Jones enquir'd of her what 
was become of Mr. Charles, or whether he was gone out of town, acquainted 
her with the disposal of her master's son, which, the very day after was no 
secret to the servants. Such sure measures had he taken, for the most cruel 
punishment of his child for having more interest with his grand-mother than 
he had, though he made use of a pretense, plausible enough, to get rid of 
him in this secret and abrupt manner, for fear her fondness should have 
interpos'd a bar to his leaving England, and proceeding on a voyage he had 
concerted for him; which pretext was, that it was indispensably necessary to 
secure a considerable inheritance that devolv'd to him by the death of a 
rich merchant (his own brother) at one of the factories in the South-Seas, 
of which he had lately receiv'd advice, together with a copy of the will. 

In consequence of which resolution to send away his son, he had, unknown to 
him, made the necessary preparations for fitting him out, struck a bargain 
with the captain of a ship, whose punctual execution of his orders he had 
secured, by his interest with his principal owner and patron; and, in short, 
concerted his measures so secretly and effectually, that whilst his son 
throught he was going down the river for a few hours, he was stopt on board 
of a ship, debar'd from writing, and more strictly watch'd than a State 
criminal. 

Thus was the idol of my soul torn from me, and forc'd on a long voyage, 
without taking of one friend, or receiving one line of comfort, except a dry 
explanation and instructions, from his father, how to proceed when he should 
arrive at his destin'd port, enclosing, withal, some letters of 
recommendation to a factor there: all these particulars I did not learn 
minutely till some time after. 

The maid, at the same time, added that she was sure this usage of her sweet 
young master would be the death of his grand-mama, as indeed it prov'd true; 
for the old lady, on hearing it, did not survive the news a whole month; and 
as her fortune consisted in an annuity, out of which she had laid up no 
reserves, she left nothing worth mentioning to her so fatally envied 
darling, but absolutely refus'd to see his father before she died. 

When Mrs. Jones return'd, and I observ'd her looks, they seemed so 
unconcern'd and even near to pleas'd, that I half flatter'd myself she was 
going to set my tortur'd heart at ease, by bringing me good news; but this, 
indeed, was a cruel delusion of hope: the barbarian, with all the coolness 
imaginable, stab'd me to the heart, in telling me, succinctly, that he was 
sent away at least on a four year's voyage (here she stretch'd maliciously), 
and that I could not expect, in reason, ever to see him again: and all this 
with such pregnant circumstances, that I could not help giving them credit, 
as in general they were, indeed, too true! 

She had hardly finish'd her report before I fainted away and after several 
successive fits, all the while wild and senseless, I miscarried of the dear 
pledge of my Charles's love: but the wretched never die when it is fittest 
they should die, and women are hard-liv'd to a proverb. 

The cruel and interested care taken to recover me, sav'd an odious life: 
which, instead of the happiness and joys it had overflow'd in, all of a 
sudden presented no view before me of any thing but the depth of misery, 
horror and the sharpest affliction. 

Thus I lay six weeks, in the struggles of youth and constitution, against 
the friendly efforts of death, which I constantly invoked to my relief and 
deliverance, but which proving too weak for my wish, I recovered at length, 
tho' into a state of stupefaction and despair, that threatened me with the 
loss of my senses, and a mad-house. 

Time, however, that great comforter in ordinary, began to assuage the 
violence of my sufferings, and to numb my feeling of them. My health 
return'd to me, though I still retain'd an air of grief, dejection, and 
languor, which taking off the ruddiness of my country complexion, render'd 
it rather more delicate and affecting. 

The landlady had all this while officiously provided, and taken care that I 
wanted for nothing: and as soon as she saw me retriev'd into a condition of 
answering her purpose, one day, after we had dined together, she 
congratulated me on my recovery, the merit of which she took entirely to 
herself, and all this by way of introduction to a most terrible and scurvy 
epilogue: "You are now," says she-"Miss Fanny, tolerably well, and you are 
very welcome to stay in the lodgings as long as long as you please; you see 
I have ask'd you for nothing this long time, but truly I have a call to make 
up a sum of money, which must be answer'd." And, with that, presents, me 
with a bill of arrears for rent, diet, apothecary's charges, nurse, etc., 
sum total twenty-three pounds, seventeen and six-pence; towards discharging 
of which, I had not in the world (which she well knew) more than seven 
guineas, left by chance, of my dear Charles's common stock, with me. At the 
same time, she desir'd me to tell her what course I would take for payment. 
I burst out into a flood of tears and told her my condition; adding that I 
would sell what few cloaths I had, and that, for the rest, I would pay her 
as soon as possible. But my distress, being favourable to her views, only 
stiffen'd her the more. 

She told me, very coolly, that 'she was indeed sorry for my misfortunes, but 
that she must do herself justice, though it would go to the very heart of 
her to send such a tender young creature to prison...." At the word 
"prison!" every drop of my blood chill'd, and my fright acted so strongly 
upon me, that, turning as pale and faint as a criminal at the first sight of 
his place of execution, I was on the point of swooning. My landlady, who 
wanted only to terrify me to a certain point, and not to throw me into a 
state of body inconsistent with her designs upon it, began to sooth me 
again, and told me, in a tone compos'd to more pity and gentleness, that "it 
would be my own fault, if she was forc'd to proceed to such extremities; but 
she believ'd there was a friend to be found in the world, who would make up 
matters to both our satisfactions, and that she would bring him to drink tea 
with us that very afternoon, when she hop'd we would come to a right 
understanding in our affairs." To all this, not a word of answer; I sat 
mute, confounded, terrify'd. 

Mrs. Jones, however, judging rightly that it was time to strike while the 
impressions were so strong upon me, left me to myself and to all the terrors 
of an imagination, wounded to death by the idea of going to a prison, and, 
from a principle of self-preservation, snatching at every glimpse of 
redemption from it. 

In this situation I sat near half an hour, swallow'd up in grief and 
despair, when my landlady came in, and observing a death-like dejection in 
my countenance, still in persuance of her plan, put on a false pity, and 
bidding me be of a good heart: "Things," she said, "would not be so bad as I 
imagined, if I would be but my own friend;" and closed with telling me 'she 
had brought a very honourable gentleman to drink tea with me, who would give 
me the best advice how to get rid of all my troubles." Upon which, without 
waiting for a reply, she goes out, and returns with this very honourable 
gentleman, whose very honourable procuress she had been, on this as well as 
other occasions. 

The gentleman, on his entering the room, made me a very civil bow, which I 
had scarce strength, or presence of mind enough to return a curtsy to; when 
the landlady, taking upon her to do all the honours of the first interview 
(for I had never, that I remember'd, seen the gentleman before,) sets a 
chair for him, and another for herself. All this while not a word on either 
side; a stupid stare was all the face I could put on this strange visit. 

The tea was made, and the landlady, unwilling, I suppose, to lose any time, 
observing my silence and shyness before this entire stranger: "Come, Miss 
Fanny," says she, in a coarse familiar style, and tone of authority, "hold 
up your head, child, and do not let sorrow spoil that pretty face of yours. 
What! sorrows are only for a time; come, be free, here is a worthy gentleman 
who has heard of your misfortunes, and is willing to serve you; you must be 
better acquainted with him; do not you now stand upon your punctillio's, and 
this and that, but make your market while you may." 

At this so delicate, and eloquent harangue, the gentleman, who saw I look'd 
frighted and amaz'd, and indeed, incapable of answering, took her up for 
breaking things in so abrupt a manner, as rather to shock than incline me to 
an acceptance of the good he intended me; then, addressing himself to me, 
told me "he was perfectly acquainted with my whole story, and every 
circumstance of my distress which he owned was a cruel plunge for one of my 
youth and beauty to fall into; ... that he had long taken a liking to my 
person, for which he appeal'd to Mrs. Jones, there present, but finding me 
so absolutely engag'd to another, he had lost all hopes of succeeding, till 
he had heard the sudden reverse of fortune that had happen'd to me, on which 
he had given particular orders to my landlady to see that I should want for 
nothing; and that, had he not been forc'd abroad to the Hague on affairs he 
could not refuse himself to, he would himself have attended me during my 
sickness, ... that on his return, which was but the day before, he had, on 
learning my recovery, desir'd my landlady's good offices to introduce him to 
me, and was as angry, at least, as I was shock'd, at the manner in which she 
had conducted herself towards obtaining him that happiness; but, that to 
show me how much he disown'd her procedure, and how far he was from taking 
any ungenerous advantage of my situation, and from exacting any security for 
my gratitude, he would before my face, that instant, discharge my debt 
entirely to my landlady, and give me her receipt in full; after which I 
should be at liberty either to reject or grant his suit, as he was much 
above putting any force upon my inclinations." 

Whilst he was exposing his sentiments to me, I ven-tur'd just to look up to 
him, and observed his figure, which was that of a very sightly gentleman, 
well made, about forty, drest in a suit of plain cloaths, with a large 
diamond ring on one of his fingers, the lustre of which play'd in my eyes, 
as he wav'd his hand in talking, and rais'd my notions of his importance. In 
short, he might pass for what is commonly call'd a comely black man, with an 
air of distinction natural to his birth and condition. 

To all his speeches, however, I answer'd only in tears that flow'd 
plentifully to my relief, and choaking up my voice, excus'd me from 
speaking, very luckily, for I should have not known what to say. 

The sight, however, mov'd him, as he afterwards told me, irresistibly, and 
by way of giving me some reason to be less powerfully afflicted, he drew out 
his purse,, and calling for pen and ink, which the landlady was prepar'd 
for, paid her every farthing of her demand, independent of a liberal 
gratification which was to follow unknown to me; and taking a reciept in 
full, very tenderly forc'd me to secure it, by guiding my hand, which he had 
thrust it into, so as to make me passively put it into my pocket. 

Still I continued in a state of stupidity, or melancholy despair, as my 
spirits could not yet recover from the violent shocks they had receiv'd; and 
the commode landlady had actually left the room, and me alone with this 
strange gentleman, before I observ'd it, and then I observ'd it without 
alarm, for I was now lifeless, and indifferent to every thing. 

The gentleman, however, no novice in affairs of this sort, drew near me; 
and, under the pretence of comforting me, first with his handkerchief dried 
my tears as they ran down my cheeks: presently he ventur'd to kiss me: on my 
part, neither resistance nor compliance. I sat stockstill; and now looking 
on myself as bought by the payment that had been transacted before me, I did 
not care what became of my wretched body: and wanting life, spirits, or 
courage to oppose the least struggle, even that of the modesty of my sex, I 
suffer'd, tamely, whatever the gentleman pleased; who proceeding insensibly 
from freedom to freedom, insinuated his hand between my handkerchief and 
bosom, which he handled at discretion: finding thus no repulse, and that 
every thing favour'd, beyond expectation, the completion of his desires, he 
took me in his arms, and bore me, without life or motion, to the bed, on 
which laying me gently down, and having me at what advantage he pleas'd, I 
did not so much as know what he was about, till recovering from a trance of 
lifeless insensibility, I found him buried in me, whilst I lay passive and 
innocent of the least sensation of pleasure: a death-cold corpse could 
scarce have less life or sense in it. As soon as he had thus pacified a 
passion which had too little respected the condition I was in, he got off, 
and after recomposing the discorder of my cloaths, employ'd himself with the 
utmost tenderness to calm the transports of remorse and madness at myself, 
with which I was seized, too late, I confess, for having suffer'd, on that 
bed, the embraces of an utter stranger. I tore my hair, wrung my hands, and 
beat my breast like a madwoman. But when my new master, for in that light I 
then view'd him, applied himself to appease me, as my whole rage was 
levell'd at myself, no part of which I thought myself permitted to aim at 
him, I begged of him, with more submission than anger, to leave me alone, 
that I might, at least, enjoy my affliction in quiet. This he positively 
refused, for fear, as he pretended, I should do myself a mischief. 

Violent passions seldom last long, and those of women least of any. A dead 
still calm succeeded this storm, which ended in a profuse shower of tears. 

Had any one, but a few instants before, told me that I should have ever 
known any man but Charles, I would have spit in his face, or had I been 
offer'd infinitely a greater sum of money than that I saw paid for me, I had 
spurn'd the proposal in cold blood. But our virtues and our vices depend too 
much on our circumstances; unexpectedly beset as I was, betray'd by a mind 
weakened by a long severe affliction, and stunn'd with the terrors of a 
jail, my defeat will appear the more excusable, since I certainly was not 
present at, or a party in any sense, to it. However, as the first enjoyment 
is decisive, and he was now over the bar, I thought I had no longer a right 
to refuse the caresses of one that had got that advantage over me, no matter 
how obtain'd; conforming myself then to this maxim, I consider'd myself as 
so much in his power, that I endur'd his kisses and embraces without 
affecting struggles or anger; not that they, as yet, gave me any pleasure, 
or prevail'd over the aversion of my soul, to give myself up to any 
sensation of that sort; what I suffer'd, I suffer'd out of a kind of 
gratitude, and as a matter of course after what had pass'd. 

He was, however, so regardful as not to attempt the renewal of those 
extremities which had thrown me, just before, into such violent agitations; 
but, now secure of possession, contented himself with bringing me to temper 
by degrees, and waiting at the hand of time for those fruits of generosity 
and courtship, which he since often reproach'd himself with having gather'd 
much too green, when, yielding to the invitations of my inability to resist 
him, and overborne by desires, he had wreak'd his passion on a mere 
lifeless, spiritless body, dead to all purpose of joy, since taking none, it 
ought to be suppos'd incapable of giving any. This is, however, certain; my 
heart never thoroughly forgave him the manner in which I had fallen to him, 
although, in point of interest, I had reason to be pleas'd that he found, in 
my person, wherewithal to keep him from leaving me as easily as he had 
gained me. 

The evening was, in the mean time, so far advanc'd, that the maid came in to 
lay the cloth for supper, when I understood, with joy, that my landlady, 
whose sight was present poison to me, was not to be with us. 

Presently a neat and elegant supper was introduc'd, and a bottle of 
Burgundy, with the other necessaries, were set on a dumb-waiter. 

The maid quitting the room, the gentleman insisted, with a tender warmth, 
that I should sit up in the elbow chair by the fire, and see him eat, if I 
could not be prevailed on to eat myself. I obey'd with a heart full of 
affliction, at the comparison it made between those delicious tete-a-tete 
with my ever dear youth, and this forc'd situation, this new aukward scene, 
impos'd and obtruded on me by cruel necessity. 

At supper, after a great many arguments us'd to comfort and reconcile me to 
my fate, he told me that his name was H......, brother to the Earl of 
L......and that having, by the suggestions of my landlady, been led to see 
me, he had found me perfectly to his taste, and given her a commission to 
procure me at any rate,, and that he had at length succeeded, as much to his 
satisfaction as he passionately wished it might be to mine; adding, withal, 
some flattering assurances, that I should have no cause to repent my 
knowledge of him. 

I had now got down at most half a partridge, and three or four glasses of 
wine, which he compelled me to drink by way of restoring nature; but whether 
there was any thing extraordinary put into the wine, or whether there wanted 
no more to revive the natural warmth of my constitution, and give fire to 
the old train, I began no longer to look with that constraint, not to say 
disgust, on Mr. H......, which I had hitherto done; but, withal, there was 
not the least grain of love mix'd with this softening of my sentiments: any 
other man would have been just the same to me as Mr. H......, that stood in 
the same circumstances, and had done for me, and with me, what he had done. 

There are not, on earth at least, eternal griefs; mine were, if not at an 
end, at least suspended: my heart, which had been so long overloaded with 
anguish and vexation, began to dilate and open to the least gleam of 
diversion or amusement. I wept a little, and my tears reliev'd me; I sigh'd, 
and my sighs seem'd to lighten me of a load that oppress'd me; my 
countenance grew, if not cheerful, at least more compos'd and free. 

Mr. H......, who watched, perhaps brought on this change, knew too well not 
to seize it: he thrust the table imperceptibly from between us, and bringing 
his chair to face me, he soon began, after preparing me by all the 
endearments of assurances and protestations, to lay hold of my hands, to 
kiss me, and once more to make free with my bosom, which, being at full 
liberty from the disorder of a loose dishabille, now panted and throbb'd, 
less with indignation than with fear and bashfulness, at being us'd so 
familiarly by still a stranger. But he soon gave me greater occasion to 
exclaim, by stooping down and slipping his hand above my garters: thence he 
strove to regain the pass, which he had before found so open, and unguarded: 
but now he could not unlock the twist of my thighs; I gently complained, and 
begg'd him to let me alone; told him I was not well. However, as he saw 
there was more form and ceremony in my resistance, than good earnest, he 
made his conditions for desisting from pursuing his point, that I should be 
put instantly to bed, whilst he gave certain orders to the landlady, and 
that he would return in an hour, when he hop'd to find me more reconcil'd to 
his passion for me, then I seem'd at present. I neither assented nor deny'd, 
but my air and manner of receiving this proposal, gave him to see that I did 
not think myself enough my own mistress to refuse it. 

Accordingly he went out and left me, when a minute or two after, before I 
could recover myself into any composure for thinking, the maid came in with 
her mistress's bridal posset, and desir'd me to eat it as I want to bed, 
which consequently I did, and felt immediately a heat, a firerun like a 
hue-and-cry thro' every part of my body; I burnt, I glow'd, and wanted even 
little of wishing for any man. 

The maid, as soon as I was lain down, took the candle away, and wishing me a 
good night, went out of the room, and shut the door after her. 

She had hardly time to get down stairs, before Mr. H....open'd my room door 
softly, and came in, now undress'd in his night-gown and cap, with two 
lighted wax candles, and bolting the door, gave me, tho' I expected him, 
some sort of alarm. He came a tip-toe to the bed side, and said with a 
gentle whisper: "Pray, my dear, do not be startled ... I will be very tender 
and kind to you." He then hurry'd off his clothes, and leap'd into bed, 
having given me openings enough, whilst he was stripping, to observe his 
brawny structure, strong made limbs, and rough shaggy breast. 

The bed shook again when it receiv'd this new load. He lay on the outside, 
where he kept the candles burning, no doubt for the satisfaction of ev'ry 
sense; for as soon as he had kiss'd me, he rolled down the bed cloaths, and 
seemed transported with the view of all my person at full length, which he 
cover'd with a profusion of kisses, sparing no part of me. Then, being on 
his knees between my legs, he drew up his shirt, and bared all his hairy 
thighs, and stiff staring truncheon, red topt, and rooted into a thicket of 
curls, which covered his belly to the navel, and gave it the air of a flesh 
brush; and soon I felt it joining close to mine, when he had drove the nail 
up to the head, and left no partition but the intermediate hair on both 
sides. 

I had it now, I felt it now, and, beginning to drive, he soon gave nature 
such a powerful summons down to her favourite quarters, that she could no 
longer refuse repairing thither; all my animal spirits then rush'd 
mechanically to that center of attraction, and presently, inly warmed, and 
stirr'd as I was beyond hearing, I lost all restraint, and yielding to the 
force of the emotion, gave down, as mere woman, those effusions of pleasure, 
which, in the strictness of still faithful love, I could have wished to have 
held up. 

Yet oh! what an immense difference did I feel between this impression of a 
pleasure merely animal, and struck out of the collision of the sexes, by a 
passive bodily effect, from that sweet fury, that rage of active delight 
which crowns the enjoyments of a mutual love-passion, where two hearts, 
tenderly and truly united, club to exalt the joy, and give it a spirit and 
soul that bids defiance to that end which mere momentary desires generally 
terminate in, when they die of a surfeit of satisfaction! 

Mr. H......, whom no distinctions of that sort seemed to disturb, scarce 
gave himself or me breathing time from the last encounter, but, as if he had 
task'd himself to prove that the appearances of his vigour were not signs 
hung out in vain, in a few minutes he was in a condition for renewing the 
onset; to which, preluding with a storm of kisses, he drove the same course 
as before, with unbated fervour; and thus, in repeated engagements, kept me 
constantly in exercise, till dawn of morning; in all which time he made me 
fully sensible of the virtues of his firm texture of limbs, his square 
shoulders, broad chest, compact hard muscles, in short a system of 
manliness, that might pass for no bad image of our ancient sturdy barons, 
when they wielded the battle-ax: whose race is now so thoroughly refin'd and 
frittered away into the more delicate and modern-built frame of our 
pap-nerv'd softlings, who are as pale, as pretty, and almost as masculine as 
their sisters. 

Mr. H......, content, however, with having the day break upon his triumphs, 
delivered me up to the refreshment of a rest we both wanted, and we soon 
dropped into a profound sleep. 

Tho' he was some time awake before me, yet did he not offer to disturb a 
repose he had given me so much occasion for; but on my first stirring, which 
was not till past ten o'clock, I was oblig'd to endure one more trial of his 
manhood. 

About evelen, in came Mrs. Jones, with two basins of the richest soup, which 
her experience in these matters had mov'd her to prepare. I pass over the 
fulsome compliments, the can't of the decent procuress, with which she 
saluted us both; but tho' my blood rose at the sight of her, I supprest my 
emotions, and gave all my concern to reflections on what would be the 
consequence of this new engagement. 

But Mr. H......, who penetrated my uneasiness, did not long suffer me to 
languish under it. He acquainted me that, having taken a solid sincere 
affection to me, he would begin by giving me one leading mark of it, in 
removing me out of a house which must, for many reasons, be irksome and 
disagreeable to me, into convenient lodgings, where he would take all 
imaginable care of me; and desiring me not to have any explanations with my 
landlady, or be impatient till he returned, he dress'd and went out, having 
left me a purse with two and twenty guineas in it, being all he had about 
him, as he express'd it, to keep my pocket till further supplies. 

As soon as he was gone, I felt the usual consequence of the first launch 
into vice (for my love-attachment to Charles never appear'd to me in that 
light). I was instantly borne away down the stream, without making back to 
the shore. My dreadful necessities, my gratitude, and above all, to say the 
plain truth, the dissipation and diversion I began to find in this new 
acquaintance, from the black corroding thoughts my heart had been a prey to, 
ever since the absence of my dear Charles, concurr'd to stun all contrary 
reflections. If I now thought of my first, my only charmer, it was still 
with the tenderness and regret of the fondest love, embitter'd with the 
consciousness that I was no longer worthy of him. I could have begg'd my 
bread with him all over the world, but wretch that I was! I had neither the 
virtue or courage requisite not to outlive my separation from him. 

Yet, had not my heart been thus preingaged, Mr. H......might probably have 
been the sole master of it; but the place was full, and the force of 
conjunctures alone had made him the possessor of my person; the charms of 
which had, by the bye, been his sole object and passion, and were, of 
course, no foundation for a love either very delicate or very durable. 

He did not return till six in the evening, to take me away to my new 
lodgings; and my moveables being soon pack'd, and convey'd into a 
hackney-coach, it cost me but little regret to take my leave of a landlady 
whom I thought I had so much reason not to be over-pleas'd with; and as for 
her part, she made no other difference to my staying or going, but what that 
of the profit created. 

We soon got to the house appointed for me, which was that of a plain 
tradesman, who, on the score of interest, was entirely at Mr. H......'s 
devotion, and who let him the first floor, very genteelly furnish'd, for two 
guineas a week, of which I was instated mistress, with a maid to attend me. 

He stayed with me that evening, and we had a supper from a neighbouring 
tavern, after which, and a gay glass or two, the maid put me to bed. Mr. 
H....soon follow'd, and notwithstanding the fatigues of the preceding night, 
I found no quarter nor remission from him: he piqued himself, as he told me, 
on doing the honours of my new apartment. 

The morning being pretty well advanc'd, we got to breakfast, and the ice now 
broke, my heart, no longer engross'd by love, began to take ease, and to 
please itself with such trifles as Mr. H......'s liberal liking led him to 
make his court to the usual vanity of our sex. Silks, laces, ear-rings, 
pearl-necklaces, gold watch, in sort, all he trinkets and articles of dress 
were lavishly heap'd upon me; the sense of which, if it did not create 
returns of love, forc'd a kind of grateful fondness, something like love; a 
distinction it would be spoiling the pleasure of nine tenths of the keepers 
in the town to make, and is I suppose, the very good reason why so few of 
them ever do make it. 

I was now establish'd the kept mistress in form, well lodg'd, with a very 
sufficient allowance, and lighted up with all the lustre of dress. 

Mr. H......continu'd kind and tender to me yet, with all this, I was far 
from happy; for, besides my regret for my dear youth, which, though often 
suspended or diverted, still return'd upon me in certain melancholic moments 
with redoubled violences, I wanted more society, more dissipation. 

As to Mr. H......, he was so much my superior in every sense, that I felt it 
too much to the disadvantage of the gratitude I ow'd him. Thus he gain'd my 
esteem, though he could not raise my taste; I was cjualify'd for no sort of 
conversation with him, except one sort, and that is a satisfaction which 
leaves tiresome intervals, if not fill'd up by love, or other amusements. 

Mr. H......, so experienc'd, so learned in the ways of women, numbers of 
whom had passed through his hands, doubtless, soon perceiv'd this 
uneasiness, and, without approving or liking me the better for it, had the 
complaisance to indulge me. 

He made suppers at my lodgings, where he brought several companions of his 
pleasures, with their mistresses; and by this means I got into a circle of 
acquaintance, that soon strip'd me of all the remains of bashfulness and 
modesty which might be yet left of my country education, and were, to a just 
taste, perhaps the greatest of my charms. 

We visited one another in form, and mimic'd, as near as we could, all the 
miseries, the follies, and impertinences of the women of quality, in the 
round of which they trifle away their time, without its ever entering into 
their little heads, that on earth there cannot subsist any thing more silly, 
more flat, more insipid and worthless, than, generally consider'd, their 
system of life is: they ought to treat the men as their tyrants, indeed! 
were they to condemn them to it. 

But tho', amongst the kept mistresses (and I was now acquainted with a good 
many, besides some useful matrons, who live by their connexions with them), 
I hardly knew one that did not perfectly detest her keeper, and, of course, 
made little or no scruple of any infidelity she could safely accomplish, I 
had still no notion of wronging mine: for, besides that no mark of jealousy 
on his side started me the hint, or gave me the provocation to play him a 
trick of that sort, and that his constant generosity, politeness, and tender 
attentions to please me, forc'd a regard to him, that, without affecting my 
heart, insur'd him my fidelity, no object had yet presented that could 
overcome the habitual liking I had contracted for him; and I was on the eve 
of obtaining, from the movements of his own voluntary generosity, a modest 
provision for life, when an accident happen'd which broke all the measures 
he had resolv'd upon in my favour. 

I had now liv'd near seven months with Mr. H...., when one day returning to 
my lodgings, from a visit in the neighbourhood, where I us'd to stay longer, 
I found the street door open, and the maid of the house standing at it, 
talking with some of her acquaintance, so that I came in without knocking; 
and, as I passed by, she told me Mr. H......was above. I stept up stairs 
into my own bedchamber, with no other throught than of pulling off my hat, 
etc., and then to wait upon him in the dining room, into which my 
bed-chamber had a door, as is common enough. Whilst I was untying my 
hat-strings, I fancied I heard my maid Hanna's voice and a sort of tustle, 
which raising my curiosity, I stole softly to the door, where a knot in the 
wood had been slipt out, and afforded a very commanding peep-hole to the 
scene then in agitation, the actors of which had been too earnestly employ'd 
to hear my opening my own door, from the landing place of the stairs, into 
my bed-chamber. 

The first sight that struck me was Mr. H ... pulling and hauling this coarse 
country strammel towards a couch that stood in a corner of the dining room; 
to which the girl made only a sort of aukward hoidening resistance, crying 
out so loud, that I, who listened at the door, could scarce hear her; "Pray 
Sir, don't ... , let me alone ... I am not for your turn ... You cannot, 
sure, demean yourself with such a poor body as I ... Lord! Sir, my mistress 
may come home ... I must not indeed ... I will cry out...." All of which did 
not hinder her from insensibly suffering herself to be brought to the foot 
of the couch, upon which a push of no mighty violence serv'd to give her a 
very easy fall, and my gentleman having got up his hands to the strong hold 
of her vartue, she, no doubt, thought it was time to give up the argument, 
and that all further defense would be in vain: and he, throwing her 
petticoats over her face, which was now as red as scarlet, discover'd a pair 
of stout, plump, substantial thighs, and tolerably white; he mounted them 
round his hips, and coming out with his drawn weapon, stuck it in the cloven 
spot, where he seem'd to find a less difficult entrance than perhaps he had 
flatter'd himself with (for, by the way, this blouze had left her place in 
the country, for a bastard,) and, indeed, all his motions shew'd he was 
lodg'd pretty much at large. After he had done, his dearee gets up, drops 
her petticoats down, and smooths her apron and handkerchief. Mr. 
H......look'd a little silly, and taking out some money, gave it to her, 
with an air different enough, bidding her be a good girl, and say nothing. 

Had I lov'd this man, it was not in nature for me to have had patience to 
see the whole scene through: I should have broke in and play'd the jealous 
princess with a vengeance. But that was not the case, my pride alone was 
hurt, my heart not, and I could easier win upon myself to see how far he 
would go, till I had no uncertainty upon my conscience. 

The least delicate of all affairs of this sort being now over, I retir'd 
softly into my closet, where I began to consider what I should do. My first 
scheme, naturally, was to rush in and upbraid them; this, indeed, flatter'd 
my present emotions and vexations, as it would have given immediate vent to 
them; but, on second throughts, not being so clear as to the consequences to 
be apprehended from such a step, I began to doubt whether it was not better 
to dissemble my discovery till a safer season, when Mr. H......should have 
perfected the settlement he had made overtures to me of, and which I was not 
to think such a violent explanation, as I was indeed not equal to the 
management of, could possibly forward, and might destroy. On the other hand, 
the provocation seem'd too gross, too flagrant, not to give me some thoughts 
of revenge; the very start of which idea re-stor'd me to perfect composure; 
and delighted as I was with the confus'd plan of it in my head, I was easily 
mistress enough of myself to support the part of ignorance I had prescrib'd 
to myself; and as all this circle of reflections was instantly over, I stole 
a tip-toe to the passage door, and opening it with a noise, past for having 
that moment come home; and after a short pause, as if to pull off my things, 
I opened the door into the dining room, where I found the dowdy blowing the 
fire, and my faithful shepherd walking about the room, and whistling, as 
cool and unconcern'd as if nothing had happened. I think, however, he had 
not much to brag of having out-dissembled me: for I kept up, nobly, the 
character of our sex for art, and went up to him with the same open air of 
frankness as I had ever receiv'd him. He stayed but a little while, made 
some excuse for not being able to stay the evening with me, and went out. 

As for the wench, she was now spoil'd, at least for my servant; and scarce 
eight and forty hours were gone round, before her insolence, on what had 
pass'd between Mr. H....and her, gave me so fair an occasion to turn her 
away, at a minute's warning, that, not to have done it would have been the 
wonder: so that he could neither disapprove it nor find in it the least 
reason to suspect my original motive. What became of her afterwards, I know 
not; but generous as Mr. H......was, he undoubtedly made her amends: though, 
I dare answer, that he kept up no farther commerce with her of that sort; as 
his stooping to such a coarse morsel, was only a sudden sally of lust, on 
seeing a wholesome looking, buxom country-wench, and no more strange than 
hunger, or even a whimsical appetite's making a fling meal of neck-beef, for 
a change of diet. 

Had I consider'd this escapade of Mr. H......in no more than that light and 
contented myself with turning away the wench, I had thought and acted right; 
but, flush'd as I was with imaginary wrongs, I should have held Mr. 

H......to have been cheaply off, if I had not push'd my revenge farther, and 
repaid him, as exactly as I could for the soul of me, in the same coin. 

Nor was this worthy act of justice long delay'd: I had it too much at heart. 
Mr. H......had, about a fortnight before, taken into his service a tenant's 
son, just come out of the country, a very handsome young lad, scarce turn'd 
of nineteen, fresh as a rose, well shap'd and clever limb'd: in short, a 
very good excuse for any woman's liking, even tho' revenge had been out of 
the question; any, woman I say, who was disprejudic'd, and had wit and 
spirit enough to prefer a point of pleasure to a point of pride. 

Mr. H......had clap'd a livery upon him; and his chief employ was, after 
being shown my lodgings, to bring and carry letters or messages between his 
master and me; and as the situation of all kept ladies is not the fittest to 
inspire respect, even to the meanest of mankind, and, perhaps, less of it 
from the most ignorant, I could not help observing that this lad, who was, I 
suppose, acquainted with my relation to his master by his fellow-servants, 
used to eye me in that bashful confus'd way, more expressive, more moving 
and readier catch'd at by our sex, than any other declarations whatever: my 
figure had it seems, struck him, and modest and innocent as he was, he did 
not himself know that the pleasure he took in looking at me was love, or 
desire; but his eyes, naturally wanton, and now enflam'd with passion, spoke 
a great deal more than he durst have imagin'd they did. Hitherto, indeed, I 
had only taken notice of the comeliness of the youth, but without the least 
design: my pride alone would have guarded me from a thought that way, had 
not Mr. H......'s condescension with my maid, where there was not half the 
temptation in point of person, set me a dangerous example; but now I began 
to look on this stripling as every way a delicious instrument of my design'd 
retaliation upon Mr. H....of an obligation for which I should have made a 
conscience to die in his debt. 

In order then to pave the way for the accomplishment of my scheme, for two 
or three times that the young fellow came to me with messages, I manag'd so, 
as without affectation to have him admitted to my bed-side, or brought to me 
at my toilet, where I was dressing; and by carelessly showing or letting him 
see, as if without meaning or design, sometimes my bosom rather more bare 
than it should be; sometimes my hair, of which I had a very fine head, in 
the natural flow of it while combing; sometimes a neat leg, that had 
unfortunately slipt its garter, which I made no scruple of tying before him, 
easily gave him the impressions favourable to my purpose, which I could 
perceive to sparkle in his eyes, and glow in his cheeks: then certain slight 
squeezes by the hand, as I took letters from him, did his business 
compleatly. 

When I saw him thus mov'd, and fir'd for my purpose, I inflam'd him yet 
more, by asking him several leading questions, such as: "Had he a mistress? 
... was she prettier than me? ... could he love such a one as I was?...." 
and the like; to all which the blushing simpleton an-swer'd to my wish, in a 
strain of perfect nature, perfect undebauch'd innocence, but with all the 
aukwardness and simplicity of country-breeding. 

When I thought I had sufficiently ripen'd him for the laudable point I had 
in view, one day that I expected him at a particular hour, I took care to 
have the coast clear for the reception I design'd him; and, as I laid it, he 
came to the dining-room door, tapped at it, and, on my bidding him come in, 
he did so, and shut the door after him. I desir'd him, then, to bolt it on 
the inside, pretending it would not otherwise keep shut. 

I was then lying at length upon that very couch, the scene of Mr. H.....'s 
polite joys, in an undress, which was with all the art of negligence flowing 
loose, and in a most tempting disorder: no stays, no hoop, no incumbrance 
whatever. On the other hand, he stood at a little distance, that gave me a 
full view of a fine featur'd, shapely, healthy country lad, breathing the 
sweets of fresh blooming youth; his hair, which was of a perfect shining 
black, play'd to his face in natural side-curls, and was set out with a 
smart tuck-up behind; new buckskin breeches, that, clipping close, shew'd 
the shape of a plump, well made thigh; white stockings, garterlac'd livery, 
shoulder-knot, altogether compos'd a figure in which the beauties of pure 
flesh and blood appeared under no disgrace from the lowness of a dress, to 
which a certain spruce neatness seems peculiarly fitted. 

I bid him come towards me, and give me his letter, at the same time throwing 
down, carelessly, a book I had in my hands. He colour'd, and came within 
reach of delivering me the letter, which he held out, aukwardly enough, for 
me to take, with his eyes riveted on my bosom, which was, through the 
design'd disorder of my handkerchief, sufficiently bare, and rather shaded 
than hid. 

I, smiling in his face, took the letter, and immediately-catching gently 
hold of his shirt sleeve, drew him towards me, blushing, and almost 
trembling; for surely his extreme bashfulness, and utter inexperience, 
call'd for, at least, all the advances to encourage him: his body was now 
conveniently inclin'd towards me, and just softly-chucking his smooth 
beardless chin, I asked him: "if he was afraid of a lady? ... ," and with 
that took, and carrying his hand to my breasts, I prest it tenderly to them. 
They were now finely furnish'd, and rais'd in flesh, so that, panting with 
desire, they rose and fell, in quick heaves, under his touch: at this, the 
boy's eyes began to lighten with all the fires of inflam'd nature, and his 
cheeks flush'd with a deep scarlet: tongue-tied with joy, rapture, and 
bashfulness, he could not speak, but then his looks, his emotion, 
sufficiently satisy'd me that my train had taken, and that I had no 
disappointment to fear. 

My lips, which I threw in his way, so as that he could not escape kissing 
them, fix'd, fir'd, and embolden'd him: and now, glancing my eyes towards 
that part of his dress which cover'd the essential object of enjoyment, I 
plainly discover'd the swell and commotion there; and as I was now too far 
advanc'd to stop in so fair a way, and was indeed no longer able to contain 
myself, or wait the slower progress of his maiden bashfulness (for such it 
seem'd, and really was,) I stole my hand upon his thighs, down one of which 
I could both see and feel a stiff hard body, confin'd by his breeches, that 
my fingers could discover no end to. Curious then, and eager to unfold so 
alarming a mystery, playing, as it were, with his buttons, which were 
bursting ripe from the active force within, those of his waistband and 
fore-flap flew open at a touch, when out IT started; and now, disengag'd 
from the shirt, I saw, with wonder and surprize, what? not the play-thing of 
a boy, not the weapon of a man, but a Maypole of so enormous a standard, 
that had proportions been observ'd, it must have belong'd to a young giant. 
Its prodigious size made me shrink again; yet I could not, without pleasure, 
behold, and even ventur'd to feel, such a length, such a breadth of animated 
ivory! perfectly well turn'd and fashion'd, the proud stiffness of which 
distended its skin, whose smooth polish and velvet softness might vie with 
that of the most delicate of our sex, and whose exquisite whiteness was not 
a little set off by a sprout of black curling hair round the root, through 
the jetty springs of which the fair skin shew'd. as in a fine evening you 
may have remark'd the clear light aether through the branchwork of distant 
trees overtopping the summit of a hill: then the broad and blueish casted 
incarnate of the head, and blue serpentines of its veins, altogether 
compos'd the most striking assemblage of figure and colours in nature. In 
short, it stood an object of terror and delight, But what was yet more 
surprising, the owner of this natural curiosity, through the want of 
occasions in the strictness of his home-breeding, and the little time he-had 
been in town not having afforded him one, was hitherto an absolute stranger, 
in practice at least, to the use of all that manhood he was so nobly stock'd 
with; and it now fell to my lot so stand his first trial of it, if I could 
resolve to run the risks of its disproportion to that tender part of me, 
which such an oversiz'd machine was very fit to lay in ruins. 

But it was now of the latest to deliberate; for, by this time, the young 
fellow, overheated with the present objects, and too high mettled to be 
longer curb'd in by that modesty and awe which had hitherto restrain'd him, 
ventur'd, under the stronger impulse and instructive promptership of nature 
alone, to slip his hands, trembling with eager impetuous desires, under my 
petticoats; and seeing, I suppose, nothing extremely severe in my looks, to 
stop or dash him, he feels out, and seizes, gently, the center-spot of his 
ardours. Oh then! the fiery touch of his fingers determines me, and my fears 
melting away before the glowing intolerable heat, my thighs disclose of 
themselves, and yield all liberty to his hand: and now, a favourable 
movement giving my petticoats a toss, the avenue lay too fair, too open to 
be miss'd. He is now upon me: I had placed myself with a jet under him, as 
commodious and open as possible to his attempts, which were untoward enough, 
for his machine, meeting with no inlet, bore and batter'd stiffly against me 
in random pushes, now above, now below, now beside his point; till, burning 
with impatience from its irritating touches, I guided gently, with my hand, 
this furious fescue to where my young novice was not to be taught his first 
lesson of pleasure. Thus be nick'd, at length, the warm and insufficient 
orifice; but he was made to find no breach impracticable and mine, tho' so 
often enter'd, was still far from wide enough to take him easily in. By my 
direction, however, the head of his unwieldy machine was so critically 
pointed, that, feeling him fore-right against the tender opening, a 
favourable motion from me met his timely thrust, by which the lips of it, 
strenuously dilated, gave way to his thus assisted impetuosity, so that we 
might both feel that he had gain'd a lodgement. Pursuing then his point, he 
soon, by violent and, to me, most painful piercing thrusts, wedges himself 
at length so far in, as to be now tolerably secure of his entrance: here he 
stuck, and I now felt such a mixture of pleasure and pain, as there is no 
giving a definition of. I dreaded alike his splitting me farther up, or his 
withdrawing; I could not bear either to keep or part with him. The sense of 
pain however prevailing, from his prodigious size and stiffness, acting upon 
me in those continued rapid thrusts, with which he furiously pursu'd his 
penetration, made me cry out gently: "Oh! my dear, you hurt me!" This was 
enough to check the tender respectful boy even in his mid-career; and he 
immediately drew out the sweet cause of my compliant, whilst his eyes 
eloquently express'd, at once, his grief for hurting me, and his reluctance 
at dislodging from quarters, of which the warmth and closeness had given him 
a gust of pleasure that he was now desire-mad to satisfy, and yet too much a 
novice not to be afraid of my withholding his relief, on account of the pain 
he had put me to. 

But I was, myself, far from being pleas'd with his having too much regarded 
my tender exclaims; for now, more and more fir'd with the object before me, 
as it still stood with the fiercest erection, unbonnetted, and displaying 
its broad vermilion head, I first gave the youth a re-encouraging kiss, 
which he repaid me with a fervour that seem'd at once to thank me, and bribe 
my farther compliance; and soon replac'd myself in a posture to receive, at 
all risques, the renew'd, which he did not delay an instant: for, being 
presently remounted, I once more felt the smooth hard gristle forcing an 
entrance, which he archiev'd rather easier than before. Pain'd, however, as 
I was, with his efforts of gaining a complete admission, which he was so 
regardful as to manage by gentle degrees, I took care not to compain. In the 
mean time, the soft strait passage gradually loosens, yields, and, stretch'd 
to its utmost bearing, by the stiff, thick, indriven engine, sensible, at 
once to the ravishing pleasure of the feel and the pain of the dis tension 
let him in about half way, when all the most nervous activity he now 
exerted, to further his pene-tartion, gain'd him not an inch of his purpose: 
for, whilst he hesitated there, the crisis of pleasure overtook him, and the 
close compressure of the warm surrounding fold drew from the extatic gush, 
even before mine was ready to meet it, kept up by the pain I had endur'd in 
the course of the engagement, from the insufferable size of his weapon, tho' 
it was not yet in above half its length. 

I expected then, but without wishing it, that he would draw, but was 
pleasingly disappointed: for he was not to be let off so. The well breath'd 
youth, hot-mettled, and flush with genial juices, was now fairly in for 
making me know my driver. As soon, then, as he had made a short pause, 
waking, at it were, out of the trance of pleasure (in which every sense 
seem'd lost for a while, whilst, with his eyes shut, and short quick 
breathing, he had yielded down his maiden tribute), he still kept his post, 
yet unsated with enjoyment, and solacing in these so new delights; till his 
stiffness, which had scarce perceptibly remitted, being thoroughly recovered 
to him, who had not once un-sheath'd, he proceeded afresh to cleave and open 
to himself an entire entry into me, which was not a little made easy to him 
by the balsamic injection, with which he had just plentifully moisten'd the 
whole internals of the passage. Redoubling, then, the active energy of his 
thrusts, favoured by the fervid appetency of my motions, the soft oiled 
wards can no longer stand so effectual a picklock, but yield, and open him 
an entrance. And now, with conspiring nature, and my industry, strong to aid 
him, he pierces, penetrates, and at length, winning his way inch by inch, 
gets entirely in and finally at home made thrust sheaths it up to the guard; 
on information of which, from the close jointure of our bodies (insomuch 
that the hair on both sides perfectly interweav'd and incircled together), 
the eyes of the transported youth sparkl'd with more joyous fires, and all 
his looks and motions acknowledged excess of pleasure, which I now began to 
share, for I felt him in my very vitals! I was quite sick with delight, 
stir'd beyond bearing with its furious agitations within me, and gorged and 
cram'd, even to surfeit. Thus I lay gasping, panting under him, till his 
broken breathings, faultering accents, eyes twinkling with humid fires, 
lunges more furious, and an increased stiffness, gave me to hail the 
approaches of the second period: it came ... and the sweet youth, 
over-power'd with the extasy, died away in my arms, melting in a flood that 
shot in genial warmth into the innermost recesses of my body; every conduit 
of which, dedicated to that pleasure, was on flow to mix with it. Thus we 
continued for some instants, lost, breathless, senseless of every thing, and 
in every part but those favourite ones of nature, in which all that we 
enjoyed of life and sensation was now totally concenter'd. 

When our mutual trance was a little over, and the young fellow had withdrawn 
that delicious stretcher, with which he had most plentifully drowned all 
thoughts of revenge in the sense of actual pleasure, the widen'd wounded 
passage refunded a stream of pearly liquids, which flowed down my thighs, 
mixed with streaks of blood, the marks of the ravage of that monstrous 
machine of his, which had now triumph'd over a kind of second maidenhead. I 
stole, however, my handkerchief to those parts, and wip'd them as dry as I 
could, whilst he was re-adjusting and buttoning up. 

I made him now sit down by me, and as he had gather'd courage from such 
extreme intimacy, he gave me an aftercourse of pleasure, in a natural burst 
of tender gratitude and joy, at the new scenes of bliss I had opened to him: 
scenes positively new, as he had never before had the least acquaintance 
with that mysterious mark, the cloven stamp of female distinction, tho' 
nobody better qualify'd than he to penetrate into its deepest recesses, or 
do it nobler justice. But when, by certain motions, certain unquietnesses of 
his hands, that wandered not without design, I found he languish'd for 
satisfying a curiosity, natural enough, to view and handle those parts which 
attract and concenter the warmest force of imagination, charmed, as I was, 
to have any occasion of obliging and humouring his young desires, I suffer'd 
him to proceed as he pleased, without check or control, to the satisfaction 
of them. 

Easily, then, reading in my eyes the full permission of myself to all his 
wishes, he scarce pleased himself more than me when having insinuated his 
hand under my petticoat, and shift, he presently removed those bars to the 
sight, by slily lifting them upwards, under favour of a thousand kisses 
which he thought, perhaps, necessary to divert my attention from what he was 
about. All my drapery being now roll'd up to my waist, I threw myself into 
such a posture upon the couch, as gave up to him, in full view, the whole 
region of delight, and all the luxurious landscape round it. The transported 
youth devour'd every thing with his eyes, and try'd, with his fingers, to 
lay more open to his sight the secrets of that dark and delicious deep: he 
opens the folding lips, the softness of which, yielding entry to any thing 
of a hard body, close round it, and oppose the sight: and feeling further, 
meets with, and wonders at, a soft fleshy excrescence, which limber and 
relaxed after the late enjoyment, now grew, under the touch and examination 
of his fiery fingers, more and more stiff and considerable, till the 
titillating ardours of that so sensible part made me sigh, as if he had hurt 
me; on which he withdrew his curious probing fingers, asking me pardon, as 
it were, in a kiss that rather increased the flame there. 

Novelty ever makes the strongest impressions, and in pleasures, especially; 
no wonder then, that he was swallowed up in raptures of admiration of things 
so interesting by their nature, and now seen and handled for the first time. 
On my part, I was richly overpaid for the pleasure I gave him, in that of 
examining the power of those objects thus abondon'd to him, naked and free 
to his loosest wish, over the artless, natural stripling: his eyes streaming 
fire, his cheeks glowing with a florid red, his fervid frequent sighs, 
whilst his hands convulsively squeez'd, opened, pressed together again the 
lips and sides of that deep flesh wound, or gently twitched the over-growing 
mess; and all proclaimed the excess, the riot of joys, in having his 
wantonness thus humoured. But he did not long abuse my patience, for the 
objects before him had now put him by all his, and, coming out with that 
formidable machine of his, he lets the fury loose, and pointing it directly 
to the pouting lipt mouth, that bid him sweet defiance in dumb-shew, 
squeezes in the head and, driving with refreshed rage breaks in, and plugs 
up the whole passage of that soft pleasure-conduit, where he makes all shake 
again, and put, once more, all within me into such an uproar, as nothing 
could still but a fresh inundation from the very engine of those flames, as 
well as from all the springs with which nature floats that reservoir of joy, 
when risen to its flood-mark. 

I was now so bruised, so batter'd, so spent with this over-match, that I 
could hardly stir, or raise myself, but lay palpitating till the ferment of 
my sense subsiding by degrees, and the hour striking at which I was oblig'd 
to dispatch my young man, I tenderly advised him of the, necessity there was 
for parting; which I felt as much displeasure at as he could do, who seemed 
eagerly disposed to keep the field, and to enter on a fresh action. But the 
danger was too great, and after some hearty kisses of leave, and 
recommandations of secrecy and discretion, I fore'd myself to send him away, 
not without assurances of seeing him again, to the same purpose, as soon as 
possible, and thrust a guinea, into his hands; not more, lest being too 
flush of money, a suspicion or discovery might arise from thence, having 
everything to fear from the dangerous indiscretion of that age in which 
young fellows would be too irresistable, too charming, if we had not that 
terrible fault to guard against. 

Giddy and intoxicated as I was with such satiating draughts of pleasure, I 
still lay on the couch, supinely stretched out, in a delicious languor 
diffus'd over all my limbs, hugging myself for being thus revenged to my 
heart's content, and that in a manner so precisely alike and on the 
identical spot in which I had received the supposed injury. No reflections 
on the consequences ever once perplex'd me, nor did I make myself one single 
reproach for having, by this step, completely entered of a profession more 
decry'd than disused. I should have held it ingratitude to the pleasure I 
had received to have repented of it; and since I was now over the bar, I 
thought, by plunging over head and ears into the stream I was hurried away 
by, to drown all sense of shame or reflection. 

Whilst I was thus making these laudable dispositions, and whispering to 
myself a kind of tacit vow of incontinency, enters Mr. H.....The 
consciousness of what I had been doing deepen'd yet the glowing of my 
cheeks, flushed with the warmth of the late action, which, joined to the 
piquant air of my dishabille, drew from Mr. H....a compliment on my looks, 
which he was proceeding to back the sincerity of with proofs, and that with 
so brisk an action, as made me tremble for fear of a discovery from the 
condition those parts were left in from their late severe handling: the 
orifice dilated and inflamed, the lips swollen with their uncommon 
distensions, the ringlets pressed down, crushed and uncurl'd with the over 
flowing moisture that had wet every thing round it: in short, the different 
feel and state of things would hardly have passed upon one of Mr. H......'s 
nicety and experience unaccounted for but by the real cause. But here the 
woman saved me: I pretended a violent disorder of my head, and a feverish 
heat, that indispos'd me too much to receive his embraces. He gave in to 
this, and good naturedly desisted. Soon afterj an old lady coming in made a 
third, very a-propos for the confusion I was in, and Mr. H......, after 
bidding me take care of myself, and recommending me to my repose, left me 
much at ease and reliev'd by his absence. 

In the close of the evening, I took care to have prepar'd for me a warm bath 
of aromatick and sweet herbs; in which having fully laved and solaced 
myself, I came out voluptuously refresh'd in body and spirit. 

The next morning, waking pretty early, after a night's perfect rest and 
composure, it was not without some dread and uneasiness that I thought of 
what innovation that tender, soft system of mine might have sustained, from 
the shock of a machine so sized for its destruction. 

Struck with this apprehension, I scarce dared to carry my hand thither, to 
inform myself of the state and posture of things. 

But I was soon agreeably cur'd of my fears. 

The silky hair that covered round the borders, now smooth'd and re-pruned, 
had resumed its wonted curl and trimness; the fleshy pouting lips that had 
stood the brunt of the engagement, were no longer swollen or 
moisture-drenched; and neither they, nor the passage into which they opened, 
that had suffered so great a dilatation, betray'd any the least alteration, 
outward or inwardly, to the most curious research, notwithstanding also the 
laxity that naturally follows the warm bath. 

This continuation of that grateful stricture which is in us, to the men, the 
very jet of their pleasure, I ow'd, it seems, to a happy habit of body, 
juicy, plump and furnished towards the texture of those parts with a 
fullness of soft springy flesh, that yielding sufficiently, as it does, to 
almost any distension soon recovers itself so as to retighten that strict 
compression of its mantlings and folds, which form the sides of the passage, 
wherewith it so tenderly embraces and closely clips any foreign body 
introduc'd into it, such as my exploring finger then was. 

Finding then every thing in due tone and order, I remember'd my fears, only 
to make a jest of them to myself. And now, palpably mistress of any size of 
man, and triumphing in my double achievement of pleasure and revenge, I 
abandon'd myself entirely to the ideas of all the delight I had swam in. I 
lay stretching out, glowingly alive all over, and tossing with burning 
impatience for the renewal of joys that had sinned but in a sweet excess; 
nor did I loose my longing, for about ten in the morning, according to 
expectation, Will, my new humble sweetheart, came with a message from his 
master, Mr. H......, to know how I did. I had taken care to send my maid on 
an errand into the city, that I was sure would take up time enough; and, 
from the people of the house, I had nothing to fear, as they were plain good 
sort of folks, and wise enough to mind no more other people's business than 
they could well help. 

All dispositions then made, not forgetting that of lying in bed to receive 
him, when he was entered the door of my bed chamber, a latch, that I 
governed by a wire, descended and secur'd it. 

I could not but observe that my young minion was as much spruced out as 
could be expected from one in his condition: a desire of pleasing that could 
not be indifferent to me, since it prov'd that I pleased him; which, I 
assure you, was now a point I was not above having in view. 

His hair trimly dressed, clean linnen, and, above, all, a hale, ruddy, 
wholesome country look made him out as pretty a piece of woman's meat as you 
could see, and I should have though any one much out of taste, that could 
not have made a hearty meal of such a morsel as nature seemed to have 
design'd for the highest diet of pleasure. 

And why should I here suppress the delight I received from this amiable 
creature, in remarking each artless look, each motion of pure undissembled 
nature, betrayed by his wanton eyes; or shewing, transparently, the glow and 
suffusion of blood through his fresh, clear skin, even his sturdy rustic 
pressures wanted not their peculiar charm? Oh! but, say you, this was a 
young fellow of too low a rank of life to deserve so great a display. May be 
so: but was my condition, strictly consider'd one jot more exalted? or, had 
I really been much above him, did not his capacity of giving such exquisite 
pleasure sufficiently raise and ennoble him, to me, at least? Let who would, 
for me, cherish, respect, and reward the painter's, the statuary's, the 
musician's arts, in proportion to the delight taken in them: but at my age, 
and with my taste for pleasure, a taste strongly constitutional to me, the 
talent of pleasing, with which nature has endowed a handsome person, form'd 
to me the greatest of all merits; compared to which, the vulgar prejudices 
in favour of titles, dignities, honours, and the like, held a very low rank 
indeed. Nor perhaps would the beauties of the body be so much affected to be 
held cheap, were they, in their nature, to be bought and delivered. But for 
me, whose natural philosophy all resided in the favourite center of sense, 
and who was rul'd by its powerful instinct in taking pleasure by its right 
handle, I could scarce have made a choice more to my purpose. 

Mr. H......'s loftier qualifications of birth, fortune and sense, laid me 
under a sort of subjection and constraint, that were far from making harmony 
in the concert of love; nor had he, perhaps, thought me worth softening that 
superiority to; but, with this lad, I was more on that level which love 
delights in. 

We may say what we please, but those we can be the easiest and freest with, 
are ever those we like, not to say love the best. 

With this stripling, all whose art of love was the action of it, I could, 
without check of awe or restraint, give a loose to joy, and execute every 
scheme of dailliance my fond fancy might put me on, in which he was, in 
every sense, a most exquisite companion. And now my great pleasure lay in 
humouring all the petulances, all the wanton frolic of a raw novice just 
fleshed, and keen on the burning scent of his game, but unbroken to the 
sport: and, to carry on the figure, who could better thread the wood than 
he, or stand fairer for the heart of the hunt? 

He advanc'd then to my bedside, and whilst he faul-tered out his message, I 
could observe his colour rise, and his eyes lighten with joy, in seeing me 
in a situation as favourable to his loosest wishes, as if he had bespoke the 
play. 

I smiled, and put out my hand towards him, which he kneeled down to (a 
politeness taught him by love alone, that great master of it) and greedily 
kiss'd. After exchanging a few confused questions and answers, I ask'd him 
if he would come to bed to me, for the little time I could venture to detain 
him. This was just asking a person, dying with hunger, to feast upon the 
dish on earth the most to his palate. Accordingly, without further 
reflection, his cloaths were off in an instant; when, blushing still more at 
this new liberty, he got under the bed-cloaths I held up to receive him, and 
was now in bed with a woman for the first time in his life. 

Here began the usual tender preliminaries, as delicious, perhaps, as the 
crowning act of enjoyment itself; which they often beget an impatience of, 
that makes pleasure destructive of itself, by hurrying on the final period, 
and closing that scene of bliss, in which the actors are generally too well 
pleas'd with their parts, not to wish them an eternity of duration. 

When we had sufficiently graduated our advances towards the main point, by 
toying, kissing, clipping, feeling my breasts, now round and plump, feeling 
that part of me I might call a furnace-mouth, from the prodigious intense 
heat his fiery touches had rekindled there, my young sportsman, embolden'd 
by every freedom he could wish, wantonly takes my hand, and carries it to 
that enormous machine of his, that stood with a stiffness! a hardness! an 
upward bent of erection! and which, together with its bottom dependance, the 
inestimable bulge of lady's jewels, formed a grand show out of good indeed. 
Then its dimensions, mocking either grasp or span, almost renew'd my 
terrors. 

I could not conceive how, or by what means I could take, or put such a bulk 
out of sight. I stroked it gently, on which the mutinous rogue seemed to 
swell, and gather a new degree of fierceness and insolence; so that finding 
it grew not to be trifled with any longer, I prepar'd for rubbers in good 
earnest. 

Slipping then a pillow under me, that I might give him the fairest play, I 
guided officiously with my hand this furious battering ram, whose ruby head, 
presenting nearest the resemblance of a heart, I applied to its proper mark, 
which lay as finely elevated as we could wish; my hips being borne up, and 
my thighs at their utmost extension, the gleamy warmth that shot from it, 
made him feel that he was at the mouth of the indraught, and driving 
foreright, the powerfully divided lips of that pleasure-thirsty channel 
receiv'd him. He hesitated a little; then, settled well in the passage, he 
made his way up the streights of it, with a difficulty nothing more than 
pleasing, widening as he went, so as to distend and smooth each soft furrow: 
our pleasure increasing deli-ciously, in proportion as our points of mutual 
touch increas'd in that so vital part of me in which I had now taken him, 
all indriven, and completely sheathed; and which, crammed as it was, 
stretched, splitting ripe, gave it so gratefully straight an accommodation! 
so strict a fold! a suction so fierce! that gave and took unutterable 
delight. We had now reach'd the closest point of union; but when he backened 
to come on the fiercer, as if I had been actuated by a fear of losing him, 
in the height of my fury, I twisted my legs round his naked loins, the flesh 
of which, so firm, so springy to the touch, quiver'd again under the 
pressure; and now I had him every way encircled and begirt; and having drawn 
him home to me, I kept him fast there, as if I had sought to unite bodies 
with him at that point. This bred a pause of action, a pleasure stop, whilst 
that delicate glutton, my nether-mouth, as full as it could hold, kept 
palating, with exquisite relish, the morsel that so deliciously ingorged it. 
But nature could not long endure a pleasure that so highly provoked without 
satisfying it: pursuing then its darling end, the battery recommenc'd with 
redoubled exertion; nor lay I inactive on my side, but encountering him with 
all the impetuosity of motion I was mistress of. The downy cloth of our 
meeting mounts was now of real use to break the violence of the tilt; and 
soon, too soon indeed! the highwrought agitation, the sweet urgency of this 
to-and-fro friction, raised the titillation on me to its height; so that 
finding myself on the point of going, and loath to leave the tender partner 
of my joys behind me, I employed all the forwarding motions and arts my 
experience suggested to me, to promote his keeping me company to our 
journey's end. I not only then tighten'd the pleasure-girth round my 
restless inmate, by a secret spring of friction and compression that obeys 
the will in those parts, but stole my hand softly to that store bag of 
nature's prime sweets, which is so pleasingly attach'd to its conduit pipe, 
from which we receive them; there feeling, and most gently indeed, squeezing 
those tender globular reservoirs, the magic touch took instant effect, 
quicken'd, and brought on upon the spur the symptoms of that sweet agony, 
the melting moment of dissolution, when pleasure dies by pleasure, and the 
mysterious engine of it overcomes the titillation it has rais'd in those 
parts, by plying them with the stream of a warm liquid, that is itself the 
highest of all titillations, and which they thirstily express and draw in 
like the hot-natured leach, which to cool itself, tenaciously attracks all 
the moisture within its sphere of exsuction. Chiming then to me, with 
exquisite consent, as I melted away, his oily balsamic injection, mixing 
deliciously with the sluices in flow from me, sheath'd and blunted all the 
stings of pleasure, it flung us into an extasy that extended us fainting, 
breathless, entranced. Thus we lay, whilst a voluptuous languor possest, and 
still maintain'd us motionless and fast locked in one another's arms. Alas! 
that these delights should be no longer-lived! for now the point of 
pleasure, unedged by enjoyment, and all the brisk sensations flatten'd upon 
us, resigned us up to the cool cares of insipid life. Disengaging myself 
then from his embrace, I made him sensible of the reasons there were for his 
present leaving me; on which, though reluctantly, he put on his cloaths, 
with as little expedition, however, as he could help, wantonly interrupting 
himself, between whiles, with kisses, touches and embraces I could not 
refuse myself to. Yet he happily return'd to his master before he was 
missed; but, at taking leave, I forc'd him (for he had sentiments enough to 
refuse it) to receive money enough to buy a silver watch, that great article 
of subaltern finery, which he at length accepted, as a remembrance he was 
carefully to preserve of my affections. 

And here, Madam, I ought, perhaps, to make you an apology for this minute 
detail of things, that dwelt so strongly upon my memory, after so deep an 
impression: but, besides that this intrigue bred one great revolution in my 
life, which historical truth requires I should not sink from you, may I not 
presume that so exalted a pleasure ought not to be ungratefully forgotten, 
or suppress'd by me, because I found it in a character in low life; where, 
by the bye, it is oftener met with purer, and more unsophisticate, than 
among the false, ridiculous refinements with which the great suffer 
themselves to be so grossly cheated by their pride: the great! than whom, 
there exist few amongst those they call the vulgar, who are more ignorant 
of, or who cultivate less, the art of living than they do; they, I say, who 
for ever mistake things the most foreign to the nature of pleasure itself; 
whose capital favourite object is enjoyment of beauty, wherever that rare 
invaluable gift is found, without distinction of birth, or station. 

As love never had, so now revenge had no longer any share in my commerce 
with this handsome youth. The sole pleasures of enjoyment were now the link 
I held to him by: for though nature had done such great matters for him in 
his outward form, and especially in that superb piece of furniture she had 
so liberally enrich'd him with; though he was thus qualify'd to give the 
senses their richest feast, still there was something more wanting to create 
in me, and constitute the passion of love. Yet Will had very good qualities 
too: gentle, tractable, and above all, grateful; close and secret, even to a 
fault: he spoke, at any time, very little, but made it up emphatically with 
action; and, to do him justice, he never gave me the least reason to 
complain, either of any tendency to encroach upon me for the liberties I 
allow'd him, or of his indiscretion in blabbing them. There is, then, a 
fatality in love, or have loved him I must; for he was really a treasure, a 
bit for the bonne bouche of a duchess; and, to say the truth, my liking for 
him was so extreme, that it was distinguishing very nicely to deny that I 
loved him. 

My happiness, however, with him did not last long, but found an end from my 
own imprudent neg'ect. After having taken even superfluous precautions 
against a discovery, our success in repeated meetings embolden'd me to omit 
the barely necessary ones. About a month after our first intercourse, one 
fatal morning (the season Mr. H. ... rarely or never visited me in) I was in 
my closet, where my toilet stood, in nothing but my shift, a bed gown and 
underpetty-coat. Will was with me, and both ever too well disposed to baulk 
an opportunity. For my part, a warm whim, a wanton toy had just taken me, 
and I had challeng'd my man to execute it on the spot, who hesitated not to 
comply with my humour: I was set in the arm-chair, my shift and petty-coat 
up, my thighs wide spread and mounted over the arms of the chair, presenting 
the fairest mark to Will's drawn weapon, which he stood in act to plunge 
into me; when, having neglected to secure the chamber door, and that of the 
closet standing a-jar, Mr. H......stole in upon us, before either of us was 
aware, and saw us precisely in these convicted attitudes. 

I gave a great scream, and drop'd my petty-coat: the thunder-struck lad 
stood trembling and pale, waiting his sentence of death. Mr. H......looked 
sometimes at one, sometimes at the other, with a mixture of indignation and 
scorn; and, without saying a word, turn'd upon his heel and went out. 

As confused as I was, I heard him very distinctly turn the key, and lock the 
chamber-door upon us, so that there was no escape but through the dining 
room, where he himself was walking about with distempered strides, stamping 
in a great chafe, and doubtless debating what he would do with us. 

In the mean time, poor William was frightened out of his senses, and, as 
much need as I had of spirits to support myself, I was obliged to employ 
them all to keep his a little up. The misfortune I had now brought upon him, 
endear'd him the more to me, and I could have joyfully suffered any 
punishment he had not shared in I water'd, plentifully, with my tears, the 
face of the frightened youth, who sat, not having strength to stand, as cold 
and as lifeless as a statue. 

Presently Mr. H ... comes in to us again, and made us go before him into the 
dining-room, trembling and dreading the issue. Mr. H . ... sat down on a 
chair whilst we stood like criminals under examination; and, beginning with 
me, ask'd me, with an even firm tone of voice, neither soft nor severe, but 
cruelly indifferent, what I could say for myself, for having abused him in 
so unworthy a manner, with his own servant too, and how he had deserv'd this 
of me? 

Without adding to the guilt of my infidelity that of an audacious defence it 
it, in the old style of a common kept Miss, my answer was modest and often 
interrupted by my tears, in substance as follows: "That I never had a single 
thought of wronging him" (which was true), "till I had seen him taking the 
last liberties with my servant-wench" (here he colour'd prodigiously), "and 
that my resentment at that, which I was over-awed from giving vent to by 
complaints, or explanations with him, had driven me to a course that I did 
not pretend to justify; but that as to the young man, he was entirely 
faultless; for that, in the view of making him the instrument of my revenge, 
I had down-right seduced him to what he had done; and therefore hop'd, 
whatever he determined about me, he would distinguish between the guilty and 
the innocent; and that, for the rest, I was entirely at his mercy." 

Mr. H......, on hearing what I said, hung his head a little; but instantly 
recovering himself he said to me, as near as I can retain, to the following 
purpose: 

"Madam, I owe shame to myself, and confess you have fairly turn'd the tables 
upon me. It is not with one of your cast of breeding and sentiments, that I 
should enter into a discussion of the very great differences of the 
provocations: be it sufficient that I allow you so much reason on your side, 
as to have changed my resolutions, in consideration of what you reproach me 
with; and I own, too, that your clearing that rascal there, is fair and 
honest in you. Renew with you I cannot: the affront is too gross. I give you 
a week's warning to go out of these lodgings; whatever I have given you, 
remains to you; and as I never intend to see you more, the landlord will pay 
you fifty pieces on my account, with which and every debt paid, I hope you 
will own I do not leave you in a worse condition than what I took you up in, 
or than you deserve of me. Blame yourself only that it is no better." 

Then, without giving me time to reply, he address'd himself to the young 
fellow: 

"For you, spark, I shall, for your father's sake, take care of you: the town 
is no place for such an easy fool as thou art; and to-morrow you shall set 
out, under the charge of one of my men, well recommended, in my name, to 
your father, not to let you return and be spoil'd here." 

At these words he went out, after my vainly attempting to stop him, by 
throwing myself at his feet. He shook me off, though he seemed greatly mov'd 
too, and took Will away with him, who, I dare swear, thought himself very 
cheaply off. 

I was now once more a-drift, and left upon my own hands, by a gentleman whom 
I certainly did not deserve. 

And all the letters, arts, friends entreaties that I employed within the 
week of grace in my lodging, could never win on him so much as to see me 
again. He had irrevocably pronounc'd my doom, and submission to it was my 
only part. Soon after he married a lady of birth and fortune, to whom, I 
have heard he prov'd an irreproachable husband. 

As for poor Will, he was immediately sent down to the country to his father, 
who was an easy farmer, where he was not four months before an inn-keepers 
buxom young widow, with a very good stock, both in money and trade, fancy'd 
and perhaps preacquainted with his secret excellencies, marry'd him: and I 
am sure there was, at least, one good foundation for their living happily 
together. 

Though I should have been charm'd to see him before he went, such measures 
were taken, by Mr. H......'s orders, that it was impossible; otherwise I 
should certainly have endeavour'd to detain him in town, and would have 
spared neither offers nor expence to have procured myself the satisfaction 
of keeping him with me. He had such powerful holds upon my inclinations as 
were not easily to be shaken off, or replaced; as to my heart, it was quite 
out of the question: glad, however, I was from my soul, that nothing worse, 
and as things turn'd out, probably nothing better could have happened to 
him. 

As to Mr. H-though views of conveniency made me, at first, exert myself to 
regain his affection, I was giddy and thoughtless enough to be much easier 
reconcil'd to my failure than I ought to have been; but as I never had lov'd 
him, and his leaving me gave me a sort of liberty that I had often long'd 
for, I was soon comforted; and nattering myself, that the stock of youth and 
beauty I was going into trade with, could hardly fail of procuring me a 
maintenance, I saw myself under a necessity of trying my fortune with them, 
rather with pleasure and gaiety, than with the least idea of despondency. 

In the mean time, several of my acquaintance among the sisterhood, who had 
soon got wind of my misfortune, flocked to insult me with their malicious 
consolations. Most of them had long envied me the affluence and splendour I 
had been maintain'd in; and though there was scarce one of them that did not 
at least deserve to be in my case, and would probably, sooner or later, come 
to it, it was equally easy to remark, even in their affected pity, their 
secret pleasure at seeing me thus disgrac'd and discarded, and their secret 
grief that it was no worse with me. Unaccountable malice of the human heart! 
and which is not confin'd to the class of life they were of. 

But as the time approached for me to come to some resolution how to dispose 
of myself, and I was considering round where to shift my quarters to, Mrs. 
Cole, a middle-aged discreet sort of woman, who had been brought into my 
acquaintance by one of the misses that visited me, upon learning my 
situation, came to offer her cordial advice and service to me; and as I had 
always taken to her more than to any of my female acquaintance, I listened 
the easier to her proposals. And, as it happened, I could not have put 
myself into worse, or into better hands in all London: into worse, because 
keeping a house of conveniency, there were no lengths in lewdness she would 
not advise me to go, in compliance with her customers; no schemes of 
pleasure, or even unbounded debauchery, she did not take even a delight in 
promoting into a better, because nobody having had more experience of the 
wicked part of the town than she had, was fitter to advise and guard one 
against the worst dangers of our profession; and what was rare to be met 
with in those of hers, she contented herself with a moderate living profit 
upon her industry and good offices, and had nothing of their greedy 
rapacious turn. She was really too a gentlewoman born and bred, but through 
a train of accidents reduc'd to this course, which she pursued, partly 
through necessity, partly through choice, as never woman delighted more in 
encouraging a brisk circulation of trade, for the sake of the trade itself, 
or better understood all the mysteries and refinements of it, than she did; 
so that she was consummately at the top of her profession, and dealt only 
with customers of distinction: to answer the demands of whom she kept a 
competent number of her daughters in constant recruit (so she call'd those 
whom their youth and personal charms recommended to her adoption and 
management: several of whom by her means, and through her tuition and 
instructions, succeeded very well in the world. 

This useful gentlewoman upon whose protection I now threw myself, having her 
reasons of state, respecting Mr. H......for not appearing too much in the 
thing herself, sent a friend of hers, on the day appointed for my removal, 
to conduct me to my new lodgings at a brush-maker's in street Covent Garden, 
the very next door to her own house, where she had no conveniencies to lodge 
me herself: lodgings that, by having been for several successions tenanted 
by ladies of pleasures, the landlord of them was familiarized to their ways; 
and provided the rent was duly paid, every thing else was as easy and 
commodious as one could desire. 

The fifty guineas promis'd me by Mr. H......, at his parting with me, having 
been duly paid hie, all my cloaths and moveables chested up, which were at 
least of two hundred pounds value, I had them convey'd into a coach, where I 
soon followed them, after taking a civil leave of the landlord and his 
family, with whom I had never liv'd in a degree of familiarity enough to 
regret the removal; but still, the very circumstance of its being a removal, 
drew tears from me. I left, too, a letter of thanks for Mr. H...., from whom 
I concluded myself, as I really was, irretrievably separated. 

My maid I had discharged the day before, not only because I had her of Mr. 
H......, but that I suspected her of having some how or other been the 
occasion of his discovering me, in revenge, perhaps, for my not having 
trusted her with him. 

We soon got to my lodging, which, though not so handsomely furnish'd, nor so 
showy as those I left, were to the full as convenient, and at half price, 
though on the first floor. My trunks were safely landed, and stow'd in my 
apartments, where my neighbour, and now gouvernante, Mrs. Cole, was ready 
with my landlord to receive me, to whom she took care to set me out in the 
most favourable light, that of one from whom there was the clearest reason 
to expect the regular payment of his rent: all the cardinal virtues 
attributed to me, would not have had half the weight of that recommendation 
alone. 

I was now settled in lodgings of my own, abandon'd to my own conduct, and 
turned loose upon the town, to sink or swim, as I could manage with the 
current of it; and what were the consequences, together with the number of 
adventures which befell me in the exercise of my new profession, will 
compose the matter of another letter: for surely it is high time to put a 
period to this. I am, MADAM, Yours, etc., etc., etc. 

the end of the first letter 

 LETTER THE SECOND 

Madam, If I have delay'd the sequel of my history, it has been purely to 
allow myself a little breathing time not without some hopes that, instead of 
pressing me to a continuation, you would have acquitted me of the task of 
pursuing a confession, in the course of which my self esteem has so many 
wounds to sustain. 

I imagined, indeed, that you would have been cloy'd and tired with 
uniformity of adventures and expressions, inseparable from a subject of this 
sort, whose bottom, or groundwork being, in the nature of things, eternally 
one and the same, whatever variety of forms and modes the situations are 
susceptible of, there is no escaping a repetition of near the same images, 
the same figures, the same expressions, with this further inconvenience 
added to the disgust it creates, that the words joys, ardours, transports, 
extasies, and the rest of those pathetic terms so congenial to, so received 
in the practice of pleasure, flatten and lose much of their due spirit and 
energy by the frequency they indispensibly recur with, in a narrative of 
which that practice professedly composes the whole basis. I must therefore 
trust to the candour of your judgment, for you allowing for the disadvantage 
I am necessarily under in that respect, and to your imagination and 
sensibility, the pleasing task of repairing it, by their supplements, where 
my descriptions flag or fail: the one will readily place the pictures I 
present before your eyes; the other give life to the colours where they are 
dull, or worn with too frequent handling. 

What you say besides, by way of encouragement, concerning the extreme 
difficulty of continuing so long in one strain, in a mean temper'd with 
taste, between the revoltingness of gross, rank and vulgar expressions, and 
the ridicule of mincing metaphors and affected circumlocutions, is so 
sensible, as well as good-natur'd, that you greatly justify me to myself for 
my compliance with a curiosity that is to be satisfied so extremely at my 
expense. 

Resuming now where I broke off in my last, I am in my way to remark to you, 
that it was late in the evening before I arriv'd at my new lodgings, and 
Mrs. Cole, after helping me to range and secure my things, spent the whole 
evening with me in my apartment, where we supped together, in giving me the 
best advice and instruction with regard to this new stage of my profession I 
was now to enter upon; passing thus from a private devotee to pleasure into 
a public one, to become a more general good, with all the advantages 
requisite to put my person out to use, either for interest or pleasure, or 
both. "But then," she observ'd, "as I was a kind of new face upon the town, 
that it was an established rule, and myster of trade, for me to pass for a 
maid, and dispose of myself as such on the first good occasion, without 
prejudice, however, to such diversions as I might have a mind to in the 
interim; for that nobody could be a greater enemy than she was to the losing 
of time. That she would, in the mean time, do her best to find out a proper 
person, and would undertake to manage this nice point for me, if I would 
accept of her aid and advice to such good purpose, that, in the loss of a 
fictitious maiden head, I should reap all the advantages of a native one." 

As great a delicacy of sentiments did not extremely belong to my character 
at that time, I confess, against myself, that I perhaps too readily closed 
with a proposal which my candor and ingenuity gave me some repugnance to, 
but not enough to contradict the intent of one to whom I had now throughly 
abandoned the direction of all my steps. For Mrs. Cole had, I do not know 
how unless by one of those unaccountable invincible sympathies that, 
nevertheless, form the strongest links, especially of female friendship, won 
and got entire possession of me. On her side, she pretended that a strict 
resemblance, she fancied she saw in me, to an only daughter whom she had 
lost at my age, was the first motive of her taking to me so effectionately. 
It might be so: there exist as slender motives of attachment, that, 
gathering force from habit and liking, have proved often more solid and 
durable than those founded on much stronger reasons; but this I know, that 
tho' I had no other acquaintance with her, than seeing her at my lodgings, 
when I lived with Mr. H......, where she had made errands to see me some 
millinery ware, she had by degrees insinuated herself so far into my 
confidence, that I threw myself blindly into her hands, and came, at length, 
to regard, love, and obey her implicitly; and, to do her justice, I never 
experienc'd at her hands other than a sincerity of tenderness, and care for 
my interest, hardly heard of in those of her profession. We parted that 
night, after having settled a perfect unreserv'd agreement; and the next 
morning Mrs. Cole came, and took me with her to her house for the first 
time. Here, at the first sight of things, I found every thing breath'd an 
air of decency, modesty and order. 

In the outer parlour, or rather shop, sat three young women, very demurely 
employ'd on millinery work, which was the cover of a traffic in more 
precious commodities; but three beautifuller creatures could hardly be seen. 
Two of them were extremely fair, the eldest not above nineteen; and the 
third, much about that age, was a piquant brunette, whose black sparkling 
eyes, and perfect harmony of features and shape, left her nothing to envy in 
her fairer companions. Their dress too had the more design in it, the less 
it appeared to have, being in a taste of uniform correct neatness, and 
elegant simplicity. These were the girls that composed the small domestick 
flock, which my governess train'd up with surprising order and management, 
considering the giddy wildness of young girls once got upon the loose. But 
then she never continued any in her house, whom, after a due noviciate, she 
found untractable, or unwilling to comply with the rules of it. Thus had she 
insensibly formed a little family of love, in which the members found so 
sensibly their account, in a rare alliance of pleasure, with interest, and 
of a necessary outward decency, with unbounded secret liberty, that Mrs. 
Cole, who had pick'd them as much for their temper as their beauty, govern'd 
them with ease to herself and them too. 

To these puplis then of her, whom she had prepar'd, she presented me as a 
new boarder, and one that was to be immediately admitted to all the 
intimacies of the house; upon which these charming girls gave me all the 
marks of a welcome reception, and indeed of being perfectly pleased with my 
figure, that I could possibly expect from any of my own sex: but they had 
been effectually brought to sacrifice all jealousy, or competition of 
charms, to a common interest, and consider'd me a partner that was bringing 
no despicable stock of goods into the trade of the house. They gathered 
round me view'd me on all sides; and as my admission into this joyous troop 
made a little holiday, the show of work was laid aside; and Mrs. Cole giving 
me up, with special recommendation, to their caresses and entertainment, 
went about her ordinary business of the house. 

The sameness of our sex, age, profession, and views, soon created as 
unreserv'd a freedom and intimacy as if we had been for years acquainted. 
They took and shew'd me the house, their respective apartments, which were 
furnished with every article of conveniency and luxury; and above all, a 
spacious drawing-room, where a select revelling band usually met, in general 
parties of pleasure; the girls supping with their sparks, and acting their 
wanton pranks with unbounded licentiousness; whilst a defiance of awe, 
modesty or jealousy were their standing rules, by which, according to the 
principles of their society, whatever pleasure was lost on the side of 
sentiment, was abudantly made up to the senses in the variety, and the 
charms of ease and luxury. The authors and supporters of this secret 
institution would, in the height of their humour style themselves the 
restorers of the golden age and its simplicity of pleasures, before their 
innocence became so injustly branded with the names of guilt and shame. 

As soon then as the evening began, and the show of a shop was shut, the 
academy open'd; the mask of mock-modesty was completely taken off, the girls 
deliver'd over to their respective calls of pleasure or interest with their 
men: and none of that sex was promiscuously admitted, but only such as Mrs. 
Cole was previously satisfied with their character and discretion. In short, 
this was the safest, politest, and, at the same time, the most thorough 
house of accommodation in town: every thing being conducted so, that decency 
made no intrenchment upon the most libertine pleasures, in the practice of 
which too, the choice familiars of the house had found the secret so rare 
and difficult, of reconciling even all the refinements of taste and 
delicacy, with the most gross and determinate gratifications of sensuality. 

After having consum'd the morning in the endearments and instructions of my 
new acquaintance, we went to dinner, when Mrs. Cole, presiding at the head 
of her club, gave me the first idea of her management and address, in 
inspiring these girls with so sensible a love and respect for her. There was 
no stiffness, no reserve, no airs of pique, or little jealousies, but all 
was unaffectedly gay, cheerful and easy. 

After dinner, Mrs. Cole, seconded by the young ladies, acquainted me that 
there was a chapter to be held that night in form, for the ceremony of my 
reception into the sisterhood; and in which, with all due reserve to my 
maidenhead, that was to be occasionally cook'd up for the first proper 
chapman, I was to undergo a ceremonial of initiation they were sure I should 
not be displeased with. 

Embark'd as I was, and moreover captivated with the charms of my new 
companions, I was too much prejudic'd in favour of any proposal they could 
make, to so much as hesitate an assent; which, therefore, readily giving in 
the style of a carte blanche, I receiv'd fresh kisses of compliment from 
them all, in approval of my docility and good nature. Now I was "a sweet 
girl ... I came into things with a good grace ... I was not affectedly coy 
... I should be the pride of the house...." and the like. 

This point thus adjusted, the young women left Mrs. Cole to talk and concert 
matters with me, when she explained to me, that "I should be introduc'd, 
that very evening, to four of her best friends, one of whom she had, 
according to the custom of the house, favoured with the preference of 
engaging me in the first party of pleasure;" assuring me, at the same time, 
"that they were all young gentlemen agreeable in their persons, and 
unexceptionable in every respect; that united, and holding together by the 
band of common pleasures, they composed the chief support of her house, and 
made very liberal presents to the girls that pleas'd and humour'd them, so 
that they were, properly speaking, the founders and patrons of this little 
seraglio. Not but that she had, at proper seasons, other customers to deal 
with, whom she stood less upon punctilio with, than with these; for 
instance, it was not on one of them she could attempt to pass me for a maid; 
they were not only too knowing, too much town-bred to bite at such a bait, 
but they were such generous benefactors to her, that it would be 
unpardonable to think of it." 

Amidst all the flutter and emotion which this promise of pleasure, for such 
I conceiv'd it, stirr'd up in me, I preserved so much of the woman, as to 
feign just reluctance enough to make some merit of sacrificing it to the 
influence of my patroness, whom I likewise, still in character, reminded of 
it perhaps being right for me to go home and dress, in favour of my first 
impressions. 

But Mrs. Cole, in opposition to this, assured me, "that the gentlemen I 
should be presented to were, by their rank and taste of things, infinitely 
superior to the being touched with any glare of dress or ornaments, such as 
silly women rather confound and overlay than set off their beauty with; that 
these veteran voluptuaries knew better than not to hold them in the highest 
contempt: they with whom the pure native charms alone could pass current, 
and who would at any time leave a sallow, washy, painted dutchess on her own 
hands, for a ruddy, healthy, firm-flesh'd country maid; and as for my part, 
that nature had done enough for me, to set me above owing the last favour to 
art"; concluding withall, that for the instant occasion, there was no dress 
like an undress. 

I thought my governess too good a judge of these matters, not to be easily 
over-ruled by her: after which she went on preaching very pathetically the 
doctrine of passive obedience and non-resistance to all those arbitrary 
tastes of pleasure, which are by some stil'd the refinements, and by others 
the depravations of it; between whom it was not the business of a simple 
girl, who was to profit by pleasing, to decide, but to conform to. Whilst I 
was edifying by these wholesome lessons, tea was brought in, and the young 
ladies, returning, joined company with us. 

After a great deal of mix'd chat, frolic and humour, one of them, observing 
that there would be a good deal of time on hand before the assembly-hour, 
proposed that each girl should entertain the company with that critical 
period of her personal history, in which she first exchanged the maiden 
state for womanhood. The proposal was approv'd, with only one restriction of 
Mrs. Cole, that she, on account of her age, and I, on account of my titular 
maidenhead, should be excused, at least till I had undergone the forms of 
the house. This obtain'd me a dispensation and the promotress of this 
amusement was desired to begin. 

Her name was Emily; a girl fair to excess, and whose limbs were, if 
possible, too well made, since their plump fulness was rather to the 
prejudice of that delicate slimness requir'd by the nicer judges of beauty; 
her eyes were blue, and streamed inexpressible sweetness, and nothing could 
be prettier than her mouth and lips, which clos'd over a range of the 
evenest and whitest teeth. Thus she began: 

"Neither my extraction, not the most critical adventure of my life, is 
sublime enough to impeach me of any vanity in the advancement of the 
proposal you have approv'd of. My father and mother were, and for aught I 
know, are still, farmers in the country, not above forty miles from town: 
their barbarity to me, in favour of a son, on whom only they vouchsafed so 
bestow their tenderness, had a thousand times determined me to fly their 
house, and throw myself on the wide world; but, at length, an accident 
forc'd me on this desperate attempt at the age of fifteen. I had broken a 
china-bowl, the pride and idol of both their hearts; and as an unmerciful 
beating was the least I had to depend on at their hands, in the silliness of 
those tender years, I left the house, and at all adventures, took the road 
to London. How my loss was resented I do not know, for till this instant I 
have not heard a syllable about them. My whole stock was two broad pieces of 
my godmother's, a few shillings, silver shoe-buckles and a silver thimble. 
Thus equipp'd, with no more cloaths than the ordinary ones I had on my back, 
and frighten'd at every foot or noise heard behind me, I hurried on; and I 
dare swear, walked a dozen miles before I stopped, through mere weariness 
and fatigue. At length I sat down on a stile, wept bitterly, and yet was 
still rather under increased impressions of fear on the account of my 
escape; which made me dread, worse than death the going back to face my 
unnatural parents. Refresh'd by this little repose, and relieved by my 
tears, I was proceeding onward, when I was overtaken by a sturdy country 
lad, who was going to London to see what he could do for himself there, and, 
like me, had given his friends the slip. He could not be above seventeen, 
was ruddy, well featur'd enough, with uncomb'd flaxen hair, a little flapp'd 
hat, kersey frocks yarn, stockings, in short, a perfect plow-boy. I saw him 
come whistling behind me, with a bundle tied to the end of a stick, his 
travelling equipage. We walk'd by one another for some time without 
speaking; at length we join'd company, and agreed to keep together till we 
got to our journey's end. What his designs or ideas were, I know not: the 
innocence of mine I can solemnly protest. 

"As night drew on, it became us to look out for some inn or shelter; to 
which perplexity another was added, and that was, what we should say for 
ourselves, if we were question'd. After some puzzle, the young fellow 
started a proposal, which I thought the finest that could be; and what was 
that? why, that we should pass for husband and wife: I never once dream'd of 
consequences. We came presently, after having agreed on this notable 
expedient, to one of those hedge-accommodations for foot pasengers, at the 
door of which stood an old crazy beldam, who seeing us trudge by, invited us 
to lodge there. Glad of any cover, we went in, and my fellow traveller, 
taking all upon him, call'd for what the house afforded, and we supped 
together as man and wife; which, considering our figures and ages, could not 
have passed on any one but such as any thing could pass on. But when bedtime 
came on, we had neither of us the courage to contradict our first account of 
ourselves; and what was extremely pleasant, the young lad seem'd as 
perplex'd as I was, how to evade lying together, which was so natural for 
the state we had pretended to. Whilst we were in this quandary, the landlady 
takes the candle, and lights us to our apartment, through a long yard, at 
the end of which it stood, separate from the body of the house. Thus we 
suffer'd ourselves to be conducted, without saying a word in opposition to 
it; and there, in a wretched room, with a bed answerable, we were left to 
pass the night together, as a thing quite of course. For my part, I was so 
incredibly innocent, as not even then to think much more harm of going into 
bed with the young man, than with one of our dairy-wenches; nor had he, 
perhaps, any other notions than those of innocence, till such a fair 
occasion put them into his head. 

"Before either of us undressed, however, he put out the candle; and the 
bitterness of the weather made it a kind of necessity for me to go into bed: 
slipping then my clothes off, I crept under the bed-cloaths, where I found 
the young stripling already nestled, and the touch of his warm flesh rather 
pleas'd than alarm'd me. I was indeed too much disturbed with the novelty of 
my condition to be able to sleep; but then I had not the least throughts of 
harm. But oh! how powerful are the instincts of nature! how little is there 
wanting to set them in action! The young man, sliding his arm under my body, 
drew me gently towards him, as if to keep himself and me warmer; and the 
heat I felt from joining our breasts, kindled another that I had hitherto 
never felt, and was, even then, a stranger to the nature of. Emboldened, I 
suppose, by my easiness, he ventur'd to kiss me, and I insensibly returned 
it, without knowing the consequence, of returning it: for, on this 
encouragement, he slipped his hand all down from my-breast to that part of 
me where the sense of feeling is so exquisitely critical, as I then 
experienc'd by its instant taking fire upon the touch, and glowing with a 
strange tickling heat: there he pleas'd himself and me, by feeling, till 
growing a little too bold, he hurt me, and made me complain. Then he took my 
hand, which he guided, not unwillingly on my side, between the twist of his 
closed thighs, which were extremely warm; there he lodged and pressed it, 
till raising it by degrees, he made me feel the proud distinction of his sex 
from mine. I was frighten'd at the novelty, and drew back my hand; yet, 
pressed and spurred on by sensations of a strange pleasure, I could not help 
asking him what that was for? He told me he would show me if I would let 
him; and, without waiting for my answer, which he prevented by stopping my 
mouth with kisses I was far from disrelishing, he got upon me, and inserting 
one of his thighs between mine, opened them so as to make way for himself, 
and fixed me to his purpose; whilst I was so much out of my usual sense, so 
subdu'd by the present power of a new one, that, between fear and desire, I 
lay utterly passive, till the piercing pain rouz'd and made me cry out. But 
it was too late: he was too firm fix'd in the saddle for me to compass 
flinging him, with all the struggles I could use, some of which only served 
to further his point, and at length an irresistible thrust murthered at once 
my maidenhead, and almost me. I now lay a bleeding witness of the necessity 
impos'd on our sex, to gather the first honey off the thorns. 

"But the pleasure rising as the pain subsided, I was soon reconciled to 
fresh trials, and before morning, nothing on earth could be dearer to me 
than this rifler of my virgin sweets: he was every thing to me now. How we 
agreed to join fortunes; how we came up to town together, where we lived 
some time, till necessity parted us, and drove me into this course of life, 
in which I had been long ago battered and torn to pieces before I came to 
this age, as much through my easiness, as through my inclination, had it not 
been for my finding refuge in this house: these are all circumstances which 
pass the mark I proposed, so that here my narrative ends." 

In the order of our sitting, it was Harriet's turn to go on. Amongst all the 
beauties of our sex, that I had before or have since seen, few indeed were 
the forms that could dispute excellence with hers; it was not delicate, but 
delicacy itself incarnate, such was the symmetry of her small but exactly 
fashion'd limbs. Her complexion, fair as it was, appeared yet more fair, 
from the effect of two black eyes, the brilliancy of which gave her face 
more vivacity than belonged to the colour of it, which was only defended 
from paleness, by a sweetly pleasing blush in her cheeks, that grew fainter 
and fainter, till at length it died away insensibly into the overbearing 
white. Then her miniature features join'd to finish the extreme sweetness of 
it, which was not belied by that of a temper turned to indolence, languor, 
and the pleasures of love. Press'd to subscribe her contingent, she smiled, 
blushed a little, and thus complied with our desires: 

"My father was neither better nor worse than a miller near the city of York; 
and both he and my mother dying whilst I was an infant, I fell under the 
care of a widow and childless aunt, housekeeping to my lord N...., at his 
seat in the country of...., where she brought me up with all imaginable 
tenderness. I was not seventeen, as I am not now eighteen, before I had, on 
account of my person purely (for fortune I had notoriously none), several 
advantageous proposals; but whether nature was slow in making me sensible in 
her favourite passion, or that I had not seen any of the other sex who had 
stirr'd up the least emotion or curiosity to be better acquainted with it, I 
had, till that age, preserv'd a perfect innocence, even of thought: whilst 
my fears of I did not well know what, made me no more desirous of marrying 
than of dying. My aunt, good woman favoured my timorousness, which she 
look'd on as childish affection, that her own experience might probably 
assure her would wear off in time, and gave my suitors proper answers for 
me. 

"The family had not been down at that seat for years, so that it was 
neglected, and commited entirely to my aunt, and two old domestics to take 
care of it. Thus I had the full range of a spacious lonely house and 
gardens, situate at about half a mile distance from any other habitation, 
except, perhaps, a straggling cottage or so. 

"Here, in tranquility and innocence, I grew up without any memorable 
accident, till one fatal day I had, as I had often done before, left my aunt 
fast asleep. and secure for some hours, after dinner; and resorting to a 
kind of ancient summer-house, at some distance from the house, I carried my 
work with me, and sat over a rivulet, which its door and window fac'd upon. 
Here I fell into a gentle breathing slumber, which stole upon my senses, as 
they fainted under the excessive heat of the season at that hour; a cane 
couch, with my work-basket for a pillow, was all the conveniencies of my 
short repose; for I was soon awaked and alarmed by a flounce, and noise of 
splashing in the water. I got up to see what was the matter; and what indeed 
should it be but the son of a neighbouring gentleman, as I afterwards found 
(for I had never seen him before), who had strayed that way with his gun, 
and heated by his sport, and the sultriness of the day, had been tempted by 
the freshness of the clear stream; so that presently stripping, he jump'd 
into it on the other side, which bordered on a wood, some trees whereof, 
inclined down to the water, form'd a pleasing shady recess, commodious to 
undress and leave his clothes under. 

"My first emotions at the sight of this youth, naked in the water, were, 
with all imaginable respect to truth, those of surprise and fear; and, I 
should immediately have run out, had not my modesty, fatally for itself, 
interposed the objection of the door and window being so situated, that it 
was scarce possible to get out and make my way along the bank to the house, 
without his seeing me: which I could not bear the thought of, so much 
ashamed and confounded was I at having seen him. Condemn'd then to stay till 
his departure should release me, I was greatly embarrassed how to dispose of 
myself: I kept some time between terror and modesty, even from looking 
through the window, which being an old fashioned casement, without any light 
behind me, could hardly betray any one's being there to him from within; 
then the door was so secure, that without violence, or my own consent, there 
was no opening it from without. 

"But now, by my own experience, I found it too true, that objects which 
affright us, when we cannot get from them, draw our eyes as forcibly as 
those that please us. I could not long withstand that nameless impulse, 
which, without any desire of this novel sight, compelled me towards it; 
embolden'd too by my certainty of being at once unseen and safe, I ventur'd 
by degrees to cast my eyes on an object so terrible and alarming to my 
virgin modesty as a naked man. But as I snatched a look, the first gleam 
that struck me, as in general the dewy lustre of the whitest skin 
imaginable, which the sun playing upon made the reflection of it perfectly 
beamy. His face, in the confusion I was in, I could not well distinguish the 
lineaments of, any farther than that there was a great deal of youth and 
freshness in it. The frolic and various play of all his fine polish'd limbs, 
as they appeared above the surface, in the course of his swimming or 
wantoning with the water, amus'd and insensibly delighted me: sometimes he 
lay motionless, on his back, waterborne, and dragging after him a fine head 
of hair, that, floating, swept the stream in a bush of black curls. Then the 
overflowing water would make a separation between his breast and glossy 
white belly; at the bottom of which I could not escape observing so 
remarkable a distinction, as a black mossy tuft, out of which appeared to 
emerge a round, softish, limber, white something, that played every way, 
with ever the least motion or whirling eddy. I cannot say but that part 
chiefly, by a kind of natural instinct, attracted, detain'd, captivated my 
attention: it was out of the power of all my modesty to command my eye away 
from it; and seeing nothing so very dreadful in its appeartance, I 
insensibly lock d away all my fears: but as fast as they gave way, new 
desires and strange wishes took place, and I melted as I gazed. The fire of 
nature, that had so long lain dormant or conceal'd, began to break out, and 
make me feel my sex the first time. He had changed his posture, and swam 
prone on his belly, striking out with his legs and arms, finer modell'd than 
which could not have been cast, whilst his floating locks played over a neck 
and shoulders whose whiteness they delightfully set off. Then the luxuriant 
swell of flesh that rose from the small of his back, and terminated its 
double cope at where the thighs are sent off, perfectly dazzled one with its 
watery glistening gloss. 

"By this time I was so affected by this inward involution of sentiments, so 
soften'd by this sight, that now betrayed into a sudden transition from 
extreme fears to extreme desires, I found these last so strong upon me, the 
heat of the weather too perhaps conspiring to exalt their rage, that nature 
almost fainted under them. Not that I so much as knew precisely what was 
wanting to me: my only thought was that so sweet a creature, as this youth 
seemed to me, could only make me happy; but then, the little likelihood 
there was of compassing an acquaintance with him, or perhaps of ever seeing 
him again, dash'd my desires, and turn'd them into torments. I was still 
gazing, with all the powers of my sight, on this bewitching object, when, in 
an instant, down he went. I had heard of such things as a cramp seizing on 
even the best swimmers, and occasioning their being drowned; and imagining 
this so sudden eclipse to be owing to it, the inconceivable fondness this 
lad had given birth to, distracted me with the most killing terrors; 
insomuch, that my concern giving me wings, I flew to the door, open'd it, 
ran down to the canal, guided thither by the madness of my fears for him, 
and the intense desire of being an instrument to save him, though I was 
ignorant how, or by what means to effect it, but was it for fears, and a 
passion so sudden as mine, to reason! All this took up scarce the space of a 
few moments. I had then just life enough to reach the green borders of the 
waterpiece, where wildly looking round for the young man, and missing him 
still, my fright and concern sunk me down in a deep swoon, which must have 
lasted me some time; for I did not come to myself, till I was rouz'd out of 
it by a sense of pain that pierced me to the vitals, and awaked me to the 
most surprising circumstance of finding .myself not only in the arms of this 
very same young gentleman I had been so solicitous to save, but taken at 
such an advantage in my unresisting condition, that he had actually 
completed his entrance into me so far, that weakened as I was by preceding 
conflicts of mind I had suffer'd, and struck dumb by the violence of my 
surprise, I had neither the power to cry out, nor the strength to disengage 
myself from his strenuous embraces, before, urging his point, he had forced 
his way and completely triumphed over my virginity, as he might now as well 
see by the streams of blood that follow'd his drawing out, as he had felt by 
the difficulties he had met with consummating his penetration. But the sight 
of the blood, and the sense of my condition, had (as he told me afterwards), 
since the ungovernable rage of his passion was somewhat appeas'd, now 
wrought so far on him, that at all risques, even of the worst consequences, 
he could not find in his heart to leave me, and make off, which he might 
easily have done. I still lay all discompos'd in bleeding ruin, palpitating, 
speechless, unable to get off, frightened, and fluttering like a poor 
wounded partridge, and ready to faint away again at the sense of what had 
befallen me. The young gentleman was by me, kneeling, kissing my hand, and 
with tears in his eyes, beseeching me to forgive him, and offering all the 
reparation in his power. It is certain that could I, at the instant of 
regaining my senses, have called out, or taken the bloodiest revenge, I 
would not have struck at it: the violation was attended too with such 
aggravating circumstances, though he was ignorant of them, since it was to 
my concern for the preservation of his life, that I owed my ruin. 

"But how quick is the shift of passions from one extreme to another! and how 
little are they acquainted with the human heart who dispute it! I could not 
see this amiable criminal, so suddenly the first object of my love, and as 
suddenly of my just hate, on his knees, bedewing my hand with his tears, 
without relenting. He-was still stark naked, but my modesty had been already 
too much wounded, in essentials, to be so much shocked as I should have 
otherwise been with appearances only; in short, my anger ebbed so fast, and 
the tide of love returned so strong upon me, that I felt it a point of my 
own happiness to forgive him. The reproaches I made him were murmur'd in so 
soft a tone, my eyes met his with such glances, expressing more languor than 
resentment, that he could not but presume his forgiveness was at no 
desperate distance; but still he would not quit his posture of submission, 
till I had pronounced his pardon in form; which after the most fervent 
entreaties, protestations, and promises, I had not the power to withold. On 
which, with the utmost marks of a fear of again offending, he ventured to 
kiss my lips, which I neither declined or resented: but on my mild 
expostulations with him upon the barbaity of his treatment, he explain'd the 
mystery of my ruin, if not entirely to the clearance, at least much to the 
alleviation of his guilt, in the eyes of a judge so partial in his favour as 
I was grown. 

It seems that the circumstance of his going down, or sinking, which in my 
extreme ignorance I had mistaken for something very fatal, was no other than 
a trick of diving, which I had not ever heard, or at least attended to, the 
mention of: and he was so long-breath'd at it, that in the few moments in 
which I ran out to save him, he had not yet emerged, before I fell into the 
swoon, in which, as he rose, seeing me extended on the bank, his first idea 
was that some young woman was upon some design of frolic or diversion with 
him, for he knew I could not have fallen asleep there without his having 
seen me before: agreeably to which notion he had ventured to approach, and 
finding me without sign of life, and still perplex'd as he was what to think 
of the adventure, he took me in his arms at all hazards, and carried me into 
the summer house, of which he observed the door open, there he laid me down 
on the couch, and tried, as he protested in good faith, by several means to 
bring me to myself again, till fired, as be said, beyond all bearing by the 
sight and touch of several parts of me, which were unguardedly exposed to 
him, he could no longer govern his passion; and the less, as he was not 
quite sure that his first idea of this swoon being a feint, was not the very 
truth of the case: seduced then by this flattering notion, and overcome by 
the present, as he stiled them, superhuman temptations, combined with the 
solitude and seeming security of the attempt, he was not enough his own 
master not to make it. Leaving me then just only whilst he fastened the 
door, he returned with redoubled eagerness to his prey: when, finding me 
still entranced, he ventured to place me as he pleased, whilst I felt, no 
more than the dead, what he was about, till the pain he put me to roused me 
just in time enough to be witness of a triumph I was not able to defeat, and 
now scarce regretted: for as he talked, the tone of his voice sounded, me 
thought, so sweetly in my ears, the sensible nearness of so new and 
interesting an object to me wrought so powerfully upon me, that, in the 
rising perception of things in a new and pleasing light, I lost all sense of 
the past injury. The young gentleman soon discern'd the symptoms of a 
reconciliation in my softened looks, and hastened to receive the seal of it 
from my lips, press'd them tenderly to pass his pardon in the return of a 
kiss so melting fiery, that the impression of it being carried to my heart, 
and thence to my new-discover'd sphere of Venus, I was melted into a 
softness that could refuse him nothing. When now he managed his caresses, 
and endearments so artfully, as to insinuate the most soothing consolations 
for the past pain and the most pleasing expectations of future pleasures, 
but whilst mere modesty kept my eyes from seeing his and rather declined 
them, I had a glimpse of that instrument of the mischief which was now, 
obviously even to me, who had scarce had snatches of a comparative 
observation of it, resuming it capacity to renew it, and grew greatly 
alarming with is increase of size, as he bore it no doubt designedly, hard 
and stiff against one of my hands carelessly dropt; but then he employ'd 
such tender prefacing, such winning progressions, that my returning passion 
of desire being now so strongly prompted by the engaging circumstances of 
the sight and incendiary touch of his naked glowing beauties, I yielded at 
length at the force of the present impressions, and he obtained of my tacit 
blushing consent all the gratifications of pleasure left in the power of my 
poor person to bestow, after he had cropt its richest flower, during my 
suspension of life, and abilities to guard it. 

"Here, according to the rule laid down, I should stop; but I am so much in 
motion, that I could not if I would, I shall only add, however, that I got 
home without the least discovery, or suspicion of what had happened. I met 
my young ravisher several times after, whom I now passionately lov'd and 
who, tho' not of age to claim a small but independent fortune, would have 
married me; but as the accidents that prevented it, and their consequences, 
which threw me on the public, contain matters too moving and serious to 
introduce at present, I cut short here." 

Louisa, the brunette whom I mentioned at first, now took her turn to treat 
the company with her history. I have already hinted to you the graces of her 
person, than which nothing could be more exquisitely touching; I repeat 
touching, as a just distinction from striking, which is ever a less lasting 
effect, and more generally belongs to the fair complexions; but leaving that 
decision to every one's taste, I proceed to give you Louisa's narrative as 
follows: 

"According to practical maxims of life, I ought to boast of my birth, since 
I owe it to pure love, without marriage; but this I know, it was scarce 
possible to inherit a stronger propensity to that cause of my being than I 
did. I was the rare production of the first essay of a journeyman 
cabinet-maker, on his master's maid: the consequence of which was a big 
belly, and the loss of a place. He was not in circumstances to do much for 
her; and yet, after all this blemish, she found means, after she had dropt 
her burthen, and disposed of me to a poor relation's in the country, to 
repair it by marrying a pastry-cook here in London, in thriving business; on 
whom she soon, under favour of the complete ascendant he had given her over 
him, passed me for a child she had by her first husband. I had, on that 
footing, been taken home, and was not six years old when this father-in-law 
died, and left my mother in tolerable circumstance, and without any children 
by him. As to my natural father, he had betaken himself to the sea; where, 
when the truth of things came out, I was told that he died, not immensely 
rich you may think, since he was no more than a common sailor. As I grew up, 
under the eyes of my mother, who kept on the business, I could not but see, 
in her severe watchfulness, the marks of a slip, which she did not care 
should be hereditary; but we no more choose our passions than our features 
or complexion, and the bent of mine was so strong to the forbidden pleasure, 
that it got the better, at length, of all her care and precaution. I was 
scarce twelve years old, before that part which she wanted so much to keep 
out of harm's way, made me feel its impatience to be taken notice of, and 
come into play: already had it put forth the signs of forwardness in the 
sprout of a soft down over it, which had often flatter'd, and I might also 
say, grown under my constant touch and visitation, so pleas'd was I with 
what I took to be a kind of title to womanhood, that state I pin'd to be 
enter'd of, for the pleasures I conceiv'd were annexed to it; and now the 
growing importance of that part to me, and the new sensations in it, 
demolish'd at once all my girlish play-things and amusements. Nature now 
pointed me strongly to more solid diversions, while all the stings of desire 
settled so fiercely in that little centre of them, that I could not mistake 
the spot I wanted a playfellow in. 

"I now shunn'd all company in which there was no hopes of coming at the 
object of my longings, and used to shut myself up, to indulge in solitude 
some tender meditation on the pleasures I strongly perceiv'd the overture 
of, in feeling and examining what nature assur'd me must be the chosen 
avenue, the gates for unknown bliss to enter at, that I panted after. 

"But these meditations only increas'd my disorder, and blew the fire that 
consumed me. I was yet worse when, yielding at length to the insupportable 
irritations of the little fairy charm that tormented me, I seiz'd it with my 
fingers, teazing it to no end. Sometimes, in the furious excitations of 
desire, I threw myself on the bed, spread my thighs abroad, and lay as it 
were expecting the long-for relief, till finding my illusion, I shut and 
squeez'd them together again, burning and fretting. In short, this devilish 
thing, with its impetuous girds and itching fires, led me such a life, that 
I could neither, night or day, be at peace with it or myself. In time, 
however, I throught I had gained a prodigious prize, when figuring to myself 
that my fingers were something of the shape of what I pined for, I worked my 
way in for one of them with great agitation and delight; yet not without 
pain too did I deflour myself as far as it could reach; proceeding with such 
a fury of passion, in this solitary and last shift of pleasure, as extended 
me at length breathless on the bed in an amorous melting trance. 

"But frequency of use dulling the sensation, I soon began to perceive that 
this work was but a paultry shallow expedient, that went but a little way to 
relieve me, and rather rais'd more flame than its dry and insignicant 
titillation could rightly appease. 

"Man alone, I almost instinctively knew, as well as by what I had 
industriously picked up at weddings and christenings, was possess'd of the 
only remedy that could reduce this rebellious disorder; but watch'd and 
over-look'd as I was, how to come at it was the point, and that, to all 
appearance, an invincible one; not that I did not rack my brains and 
invention how at once to elude my mother's vigilance, and procure myself the 
satisfaction of my impetuous curiosity and longings for this mighty and 
untasted pleasure. At length, however, a singular chance did at once the 
work of a long course of alertness. One day that we had dined at an 
acquaintance's over the way, together with a gentlewoman-lodger that 
occupied the first floor of our house, there started an indispensable 
necessity for my mother's going down to Greenwich to accompany her: the 
party was settled, when I do not know what genius whispered me to plead a 
headache, which I certainly had not, against my being included in a jaunt 
that I had not the least relish for. The pretext however passed, and my 
mother, with much reluctance, prevailed with herself to go without me; but 
took particular care to see me safe home, where she consign'd me into the 
hands of an old trusty maidservant, who served in the shop, for we had not a 
male creature in the house. 

"As soon as she was gone, I told the maid I would go up and lie down on our 
lodger's bed, mine not being made, with a charge to her at the same time not 
to disturb me, as it was only rest I wanted. This injunction probably prov'd 
of eminent service to me. As soon as I was got into the bedchamber, I 
unlaced my stays, and threw myself on the outside of the bed-cloaths, in all 
the loosest undress. Here I gave myself up to the old insipid privy shifts 
of my self-viewing, self-touching, self-enjoying, in fine, to all the means 
of self-knowledge I could devise, in search of the pleasure that fled before 
me, and tantalized with that unknown something that was out my of reach; 
thus all only serv'd to enflame myself, and to provoke violently my desires, 
whilst the one thing needful to their satisfaction was not at hand, and I 
could have but my fingers, for representing it so ill. After then wearying 
and fatiguing myself with grasping shadows, whilst that most sensible part 
of me disdain'd to content itself with less than realities, the strong 
yearnings, the urgent struggles of nature towards the melting relief, and 
the extreme self-agitations I had used to come at it, had wearied and thrown 
me into a kind of unquiet sleep: for if I tossed and threw about my limbs in 
proportion to the distraction of my dreams, as I had reason to believe I 
did, a bystander could not have help'd seeing all for love. And one there 
was it seems; for waking out of my very short slumber, I found my hand 
lock'd in that of a young man, who was kneeling at my bed-side, and begging 
my pardon for his boldness: but that being a son to the lady to whom this 
bed-chamber, he knew, belonged, he had slipp'd by the servant of the shop, 
as he supposed, unperceiv'd, when finding me asleep, his first ideas were to 
withdraw; but that he had been fix'd and detain'd there by a power he could 
better account for, than resist. 

"What shall I say? my emotions of fear and surprize were instantly subdued 
by those of the pleasure I bespoke in great presence of mind from the turn 
this adventure might take; he seem'd to me no other than a pitying angel, 
dropt out of the clouds: for he was young and perfectly handsome, which was 
more than even I had asked for; man. in general, being all that my utmost 
desires had pointed at. I thought then I could not put too much 
encouragement into my eyes and voice; I regretted no leading advances; no 
matter for his after-opinion of my forwardness, so it might bring him to the 
point of answering my pressing demands of present case; it was not now with 
his thoughts, but his actions, that my business immediately lay. I rais'd 
then my head, and told him, in a soft tone, that tended to prescribe the 
same key to him, that his mamma was gone out and would not return till late 
at night: which I thought no bad hint; but as it prov'd, I had nothing of a 
novice to deal with. The impressions I had made on him from the discoveries 
I had betrayed of my person in the disordered motions of it, during his view 
of me asleep, had, as he afterwards told me, so fix'd and charmingly 
prepar'd him, that, had I known his dispositions, I had more to hope from 
his violence, than to fear from his respect; and even less than the extreme 
tenderness which I threw into my voice and eyes, would have served to 
encourage him to make the most of the opportunity. Finding then that his 
kisses, imprinted on my hand, were taken as tamely as he could wish, he rose 
to my lips; and glewing his to them, made me so faint with overcoming joy 
and pleasure, that I fell back, and he with me, in course, on the bed, upon 
which I had, by insensibly shifting from the side to near the middle, 
invitingly made room for him. He is now lain down by me, and the minutes 
being too precious to consume in untimely ceremony, or dalliance, my youth 
proceeds immediately to those extremities, which all my looks, flushing and 
palpitations, had assured him he might attempt without fear of repulse: 
those rogues the men, read us admirably on these occasions. I lay then at 
length panting for the imminent attack, with wishes far beyond my fears, and 
for which it was scarce possible for a girl, barely thirteen, but all and 
well grown, to have better dispositions. He threw up my petticoat and shift, 
whilst my thighs were, by an instinct of nature, unfolded to their best; and 
my desires had so thoroughly destroy'd all modesty in me, that even their 
being now naked and all laid open to him, was part of the prelude that 
pleasure deepen'd my blushes at, more than shame. But when his hand, and 
touches, naturally attracted to their center, made me feel all their 
wantonness and warmth in, and round it, oh! how immensely different a sense 
of things, did I perceive there, than when under my own insipid handling! 
And now his waistcoat was unbuttoned, and the confinement of the breeches 
burst through, when out started to view the amazing, pleasing object of all 
my wishes, all my dreams, all my love, the king member indeed! I gaz'd at, I 
devoured it, at length and breadth, with my eyes intently directed to it, 
till his getting upon me, and placing it between my thighs, took from me the 
enjoyment of its sight, to give me a far more grateful one, in its touch, in 
that part where its touch is so exquisitely affecting. Applying it then to 
the minute opening, for such at that age it certainly was, I met with too 
much good will, I felt with too great a rapture of pleasure the first 
insertion of it, to heed much the pain that followed: I thought nothing too 
dear to pay for this the richest treat of the senses; so that, split up, 
torn, bleeding, mangled, I was still superiorly pleas'd, and hugg'd the dear 
author of all this delicious ruin. But when, soon after, he made his second 
attack, sore as every thing was, the smart was soon put away by the 
sovereign cordial; all my soft complainings were silenc'd, and the pain 
melting fast away into pleasure. I abandon'd myself over to all its 
transports, and give it the full possession of my whole body and soul; for 
now all thought was at an end with me; I lived but in what I felt only. And 
who could describe those feelings, those agitations, yet exalted by the 
charm of their novelty and surprize? when that part of me which had so long 
hunger'd for the dear morsel that now so delightfully crammed it, forc'd all 
my vital sensations to fix their home there, during the stay of my beloved 
guest; who too soon paid me for his hearty welcome, in a dissolvent, richer 
far than that I have heard of some queen treating her paramour with, in 
liquify'd pearl, and ravishingly pour'd into me, where, now myself too much 
melted to give it a dry reception, I hail'd it with the warmest confluence 
on my side, amidst all those extatic raptures, not unfamiliar I presume to 
this good company! Thus, however, I arrived at the very top of all my 
wishes, by an accident unexpected indeed, but not so wonderful; for this 
young gentleman was just arriv'd in town from college, and came familiarly 
to his mother at her apartment, where he had once before been, though, by 
mere chance. I had not seen him: so that we knew one another by hear-say 
only; and finding me stretched on his mother's bed, he readily concluded, 
from her description, who it was. The rest you know. 

"This affair had however no ruinous consequences, the young gentleman 
escaping then, and many more times undiscover'd. But the warmth of my 
constitution, that made the pleasures of love a kind of necessary of life to 
me, having betray'd me into indiscretions fatal to my private fortune, I 
fell at length to the public; from which, it is probable, I might have met 
with the worst of ruin, if my better fate had not thrown me into this safe 
and agreeable refuge." 

Here Louisa ended; and these little histories having brought the time for 
the girls to retire, and to prepare for the revels of the eveing, I staid 
with Mrs. Cole, till Emily came, and told us the company was met, and waited 
for us. 

Mrs. Cole on this, taking me by the hand, with a smile of encouragement, led 
me up stairs, preceded by Louisa, who was come to hasten us, and lighted us 
with two candles, one in each hand. 

On the landing-place of the first pair of stairs, we were met by a young 
gentleman, extremely well dress'd, and a very pretty figure, to whom I was 
to be indebted for the first essay of the pleasures of the house. He saluted 
me with great gallantry, and handed me into the drawing room, the floor of 
which was overspread with a Turkey carpet, and all its furniture 
voluptuously adapted to every demand of the most study'd luxury; now too it 
was, by means of a profuse illumination, enliven'd by a light scarce 
inferior, and perhaps more favourable to joy, more tenderly pleasing, than 
that of broad sun-shine. 

On my entrance into the room, I had the satisfaction to hear a buzz of 
approbation run through the whole company which now consisted of four 
gentlemen, including my particular (this was the can't-term of the house for 
one's gallant for the time), the three young women, in a neat flowing 
dishabille, the mistress of the academy and myself. I was welcomed and 
saluted by a kiss all round, in which, however, it was easy to discover, in 
the superior warmth of that of the men, the distinction of the sexes. 

Aw'd, and confounded as I was, at seeing myself surrounded, caress'd, and 
made court to by so many strangers, I could not immediately familiarize 
myself to all that air of gaiety and joy, which dictated their compliments, 
and animated their caresses. 

They assur'd me that I was so perfectly to their taste, as to have but one 
fault against me, which I might easily be cur'd of, and that was my modesty: 
this, they observ'd, might pass for a beauty the more with those who wanted 
it for a heightener; but their maxim was, that it was an impertinent 
mixture, and dash'd the cup so as to spoil the sincere draught of pleasure; 
they consider'd it accordingly as their mortal enemy, and gave it no quarter 
wherever they met with it. This was a prologue not unworthy of the revels 
that ensu'd. 

In the midst of all the frolic and wantonnesses, which this joyous band had 
presently, and all naturally, run into, an elegant supper was serv'd in, and 
we sat down to it, my spark elect placing himself next to me, and the other 
couples without order or ceremony. The delicate cheer and good wine soon 
banish'd all reserve; the conversation grew as lively as could be wished, 
without taking too loose a turn: these professors of pleasure knew too well, 
to stale impressions of it, or evaporate the imagination in words, before 
the time of action. Kisses however were snatch'd at times, or where a 
handkerchief round the neck interpos'd its feeble barrier, it was not 
extremely respected: the hands of the men went to work with their usual 
petulance, till the provocations on both sides rose to sich a pitch, that my 
particular's proposal for beginning the country-dances was received with 
instant assent: for, as he laughingly added, he fancied the instruments were 
in tune. This was a signal for preparation, that the complaisant Mrs. Cole, 
who understood life, took for her cue of disappearing; no longer so fit for 
personal service herself, and content with having settled the order of 
battle, she left us the field, to fight it out at discretion. 

As soon as she was gone, the table was remov'd from the middle, and became a 
side-board; a couch was brought into its place, of which when I whisperingly 
inquired the reason, of my particular, he told me, "that at it was chiefly 
on my account that this convention was met, the parties intended at once to 
humour their taste of variety in pleasures, and by an open public enjoyment, 
to see me broke of any taint of reserve or modesty, which they look'd on as 
the poison of joy; that though they occasionally preached pleasure, and 
lived up to the text, they did not enthusiastically set up for missionaries, 
and only indulg'd themselves in the delights of a practical instruction of 
all the pretty women they lik'd well enough to bestow it upon, and who fell 
properly in the way of it; but that as such a proposal might be too violent, 
too shocking for a young beginner, the old standers were to set an example, 
which he hoped I would not be averse to follow, since it was to him I was 
devolv'd in favour of the first experiment; but that still I was perfectly 
at my liberty to refuse the party, which being in its nature one of 
pleasure, suppos'd an exclusion of all force or constraint." 

My countenance expressed, no doubt, my surprise as my silence did my 
asquiescence. I was now embarked, and thoroughly determined on any voyage 
the company would take me on. 

The first that stood up, to open the ball, were a cornet of horse, and that 
sweetest of olive-beauties, the soft and amorous Louisa. He led her to the 
couch "nothing loth", on which he gave her the fall, and extended her at her 
length with an air of roughness and vigour, relishing high of amorous 
eagerness and impatience. The girl, spreading herself to the best advantage, 
with her head upon the pillow, was so concentered in what she was about, 
that our presence seemed the least of her care and concern. Her petticoats, 
thrown up with her shift, discovered to the company the finest turn'd legs 
and thighs that could be imagined, and in broad display, that gave the 
pleasing hairgrown mount over it, parted and presented a most inviting 
entrance, between two close-hedges, delicately soft and pouting. Her gallant 
was now ready, having disencumber'd himself from his doaths, overloaded with 
lace, and presently, his shirt removed, shew'd us his forces in high plight, 
bandied and ready for action. But giving us no time to consider the 
dimensions, he threw himself instantly over his charming antagonist who 
receiv'd him as he pushed at once dead at mark, like a heroine, without 
flinching; for surely never was girl consitutionally truer to the taste of 
joy, or sincerer in the expression of its sensations, than she was: we could 
observe pleasure lighten in her eyes, as he introduc'd his plenipotentiary 
instrument into her; till, at length, having indulg'd her to its utmost 
reach, its irritations grew so violent, and gave her the spurs so furiously, 
that collected within herself, and lost to every thing but the enjoyment of 
her favourite feelings, she retorted his thrusts with a just concert of 
springy heaves, keeping time so exactly with the most pathetic sighs, that 
one might have number'd the strokes in agitation by their distinct murmurs, 
whilst her active limbs kept wreathing and intertwisting with his, in 
convulsive folds: then the turtle-billing kisses, and the poignant painless 
love-bites, which they both exchang'd, in a rage of delight, all conspiring 
towards the melting period. It soon came on, when Louisa, in the ravings of 
her pleasure-frensy, impotent of all restraint, cried out: "Oh Sir! ... Good 
Sir! ... pray do not spare me! ah! ah!...." All her accents now faultering 
into heart-fetched sighs, she clos'd here eyes in the sweet death, in the 
instant of which she was embalm'd by an injection, of which we could easily 
see the signs in the quiet, dying, languid posture of her late so furious 
driver, who was stopp'd of a sudden, breathing short, panting, and, for that 
time, giving up the spirit of pleasure. As soon as he was dismounted, Louisa 
sprang up, shook her petticoats, and running up to me, gave me a kiss, and 
drew me to the side-board, to which she was herself handed by her gallant 
where they made me pledge them in a glass of wine, and toast a droll health 
of Louisa's proposal in high frolic. 

By this time the scond couple was ready to enter the lists: which were a 
young baronet, and that delicatest of charmers, the winning, tender Harriet. 
My gentle esquire came to acquaint me with it, and brought me back to the 
scene of action. 

And, surely, never did one of her profession accompany her dispositions, for 
the bare-faced part she was engaged to play, with such a peculiar grace of 
sweetness, modesty and yielding coyness, as she did. All her air and motions 
breath'd only unreserv'd, unlimited complaisance without the least mixture 
of impudence, or prostitution. But what was yet more surprising, her 
spark-elect, in the midst of the dissolution of a public open enjoyment, 
doated on her to distraction, and had, by dint of love and sentiments, 
touched her heart, tho' for a while the restraint of their engagement to the 
house laid him under a kind of necessity of complying with an institution 
which himself had had the greatest share in establishing. 

Harriet was then led to the vacant couch by her gallant, blushing as she 
look'd at me, and with eyes made to justify any thing, tenderly bespeaking 
of me the most favourable construction of the step she was thus irresistibly 
drawn into. 

Her lover, for such he was, sat her down at the foot of the couch, and 
passing his arm round her neck, preluded with a kiss fervently applied to 
her lips, that visibly gave her life and spirit to go thro' with the scene; 
and as he kiss'd, he gently inclined her head, till it fell back on a pillow 
disposed to receive it, and leaning himself down all the way with her, at 
once countenanc'd and endear'd her fall to her. There, as if he had guess'd 
our wishes, being the master, by the title of present possession, of 
beauties delicate beyond imagination, he discovered her breasts to his own 
touch, and our common view; but oh! what delicious manuals of love devotion! 
how inimitable fine moulded! small, round, firm, and excellently white: the 
grain of their skin, so soothing, so flattering to the touch! and their 
nipples, that crown'd them, the sweetest buds of beauty. When he had feasted 
his eyes with the touch and perusal, feasted his lips with kisses of the 
highest relish, imprinted on those all-delicious twin orbs, he proceeded 
downwards. 

Her legs still kept the ground; and now, with the ten-derest attention not 
to shock or alarm her too suddenly, he, by degrees, rather stole than rolled 
up her petticoats; at which, as if a signal had been given, Louisa and Emily 
took hold of her legs, in pure wantonness, and, in ease to her kept them 
stretched wide abroad. Then lay exposed, or, to speak more properly, 
display'd the greatest parade in nature of female charms. The whole company, 
who, except myself, had often seen them, seemed as much dazzled, surpriz'd 
and delighted, as any one could be who had now beheld them for the first 
time. Beauties so excessive could not but enjoy the privileges of eternal 
novelty. Her thighs were so exquisitely fashioned, that either more in, or 
more out of flesh than they were, they would have declined from that point 
of perfection they presented. But what infinitely enrich'd and adorn'd them, 
was the sweet intersection formed, where they met, at the bottom of the 
smoothest, roundest, whitest belly, by that central furrow which nature had 
sunk there, between the soft relieve of two pouting ridges, and which, in 
this girl, was in perfect symmetry of delicasy and miniature with the rest 
of her frame. No! nothing in nature could be of a beautifuller cut; then, 
the dark umbrage of the downy spring-moss that overarched it, bestowed, on 
the luxury of the landscape, a touching warmth, a tender finishing, beyond 
the expression of words, or even the paint of throught. 

Her truly enamour'd gallant, who had stood absorbed and engrossed by the 
pleasure of the sight long enough to afford us time to feast ours (no fear 
of glutting!) addressed himself at length to the materials of enjoyment, and 
lifting the linen veil that hung between us and his master member of the 
revels, exhibited one whose eminent size proclaimed the owner a true woman's 
hero. He was, besides, in every other respect an accomplish'd gentleman, and 
in the bloom and vigour of youth. Standing then between Harriet's legs, 
which, were supported by her two companions at their widest extension, with 
one hand he gently disclosed the lips of that luscious mouth of nature, 
whilst with the other, he stooped his mighty machine to its lure, from the 
height of his stiff stand-up towards his belly; the lips, kept open by his 
fingers, received its broad shelving head of coral hue: and when he had 
nestled it in, he hovered there a little, and the girls then deliver'd over 
to his hips the agreeable office of supporting her thighs; and now, as if 
meant to spin out his pleasure, and give it the more play for its life, he 
passed up his instrument so slow that we lost sight of it inch by inch, till 
at length is was wholly taken into the soft laboratory of love, and the 
mossy mounts of each fairly met together. In the mean time, we could plainly 
mark the prodigious effect the progressions of this delightful energy 
wrought in this delicious girl, gradually heightening her beauty as they 
heightened her pleasure. Her countenance and whole frame became more 
animated; the faint blush of her cheeks, gaining ground on the white, 
deepened into a florid vivid vermillion glow, her naturally brilliant eyes 
now sparkled with ten-fold lustre; her languor was vanish'd, and she now 
appeared, quick spirited, and alive all over. He had now fixed, nailed, this 
tender creature, with his home-driven wedge, so that she lay passive by 
force, and unable to stir, till beginning to play a strain of arms against 
this vein of delicasy, as he urged the to-and-fro confriction, he awaken'd, 
rous'd, and touch'd her so to the heart, that unable to contain herself, she 
could not but reply to his motions, as briskly as her nicety of frame would 
admit of, till the raging stings of the pleasure rising towards the point, 
made her wild with the intolerable sensations of it, and she now threw her 
legs and arms about at random, as she lay lost in the sweet transport; which 
on his side declared itself by quicker, eager thrusts, convulsive grasps, 
burning sighs, swift laborious breathings, eyes darting humid fires: all 
faithful tokens of the imminent approaches of the last gasp of joy. It came 
on at length: the baronet led the extasy, she sympath-ically joined in, as 
she felt the melting symptoms from him, in the nick of which glewing more 
ardently than ever his lips to hers, he shewed all the signs of that agony 
of bliss being strong upon him, in which he gave her the finishing 
titillation; inly thrill'd with which, we saw plainly that she answered it 
down with all effusion of spirit and matter she was mistress of, whilst a 
general soft shudder ran through all her limbs, which she gave a stretch-out 
of, and lay motionless, breathless, dying with dear delight; and in the 
height of its expression, showing, through the nearly closed lids of her 
eyes, just the edges of their black, the rest being rolled strongly upwards 
in their extasy; then her sweet mouth appear'd languishingly open, with the 
tip of her tongue leaning negligently towards the lower range of her white 
teeth, whilst the natural ruby colour of her lips glowed with heightened 
life. Was this not a subject to dwell upon? And accordingly her lover still 
kept on her, with an abiding delectation, till compressed, squeezed and 
distilled to the last drop, he took leave with one fervent kiss, expressing 
satisfy'd desires, but unextinguish'd love. 

As soon as he was off, I ran to her, and sitting down on the couch by her, 
rais'd her head, which she declin'd gently, and hung on my bosom, to hide 
her blushes and confusion at what had pass'd, till by degrees she 
recom-posed herself, and accepted a restorative glass of wine from my spark, 
who had left me to fetch it her, whilst her own was re-adjusting his affairs 
and buttoning up; after which he led her, leaning languishingly upon him, to 
our stand of view round the couch. 

And now Emily's partner had taken her out for her share in the dance, when 
this transcendently fair and sweet tempered creature readily stood up; and 
if a complexion to put the rose and lily out of countenance, extreme pretty 
features, and that florid health and bloom for which the country girls are 
so lovely, might pass her for a beauty, this she certainly was, and one of 
the most striking of the fair ones. 

Her gallant began first, as she stood, to disengage her breasts, and restore 
them to the liberty of nature, from the easy confinement of no more than a 
pair of jumps; but on their coming out to view, we thought a new light was 
added to the room, so superiourly shinning was their whiteness; then they 
rose in so happy a swell as to compose her a well-formed fullness of bosom, 
that had such an effect on the eye as to seem flesh hardening into marble, 
of which it emulated the polished gloss, and far surpassed even the whitest, 
in the life and lustre of its colours, white veined with blue. Refrain who 
could from such provoking enticements to it in reach? He touched her 
breasts, first lightly, when the glossy smoothness of the skin eluded his 
hand, and made it slip along the surface; he press'd them, Snd the springy 
flesh that filled them, thus pitted by force, rose again reboundingly with 
his hand, and on the instant effac'd the pressure: and alike indeed was the 
consistence of all those parts of her body throughout, where the fulness of 
flesh compacts and constitutes all that fine firmness which the touch is so 
highly attach'd to. When he had thus largely pleased himself with this 
branch of dalliance and delight, he truss'd up her petticoat and shift, in a 
wisp to her waist, where being tuck'd in, she stood fairly naked on every 
side; a blush at this overspread her lovely face, and her eyes downcast to 
the ground, seemed to be for quarter, when she had so great a right to 
triumph in all the treasures of youth and beauty that she now so 
victoriously display'd. Her legs were perfectly well shaped and her thighs, 
which she kept pretty close, shewed so white, so round, so substantial and 
abounding in firm flesh, that nothing could offer a stronger recommendation 
to the luxury of touch, which he accordingly did not fail to indulge himself 
in. Then gently removing her hand, which in the first emotion of natural 
modesty, she had carried thither, he gave us rather a glimpse than a view of 
that soft narrow chink running its little length downwards and hiding the 
remains of it between her thighs; but plain was to be seen the fringe of 
light-brown curls, in beauteous growth over it, that with their silky gloss 
created a pleasing variety from the surrounding white skin, whose lustre 
too, their gentle embrowning shade, considerably raised. Her spark then 
endeavoured, as she stood, by disclosing her thighs, to gain us a completer 
sight of that central charm of attraction, but not obtaining it so 
conveniently in that attitude, he led her to the foot of the couch, and 
bringing to it one of the pillows, gently inclin'd her head down, so that 
she leaned with it over her crossed hands, straddling with her thighs wide 
spread, and jutting her body out, she presented a full back view of her 
person, naked to her waist. Her posteriours, plump, smooth, and prominent, 
form'd luxuriant tracts of animated snow, that splendidly filled the eye, 
till it was there stopt, and attracted by the embowered bottom-cavity, that 
terminated this delightful vista and stood moderately gaping from the 
influence of her bended posture, so that the agreeable interior red of the 
sides of the orifice came, into view, and with respect to the white that 
dazzled round it, gave somewhat the idea of a pink slash in the glossiest 
white satin. Her gallant, who was a gentleman about thirty, somewhat 
inclin'd to a fastness that was in no sort displeasing, improving the hint 
thus tendered him of this mode of enjoyment, after settling her well in this 
posture, and encouraging her with kisses and caresses to stand him through, 
drew out his affair ready erected, and whose extreme length, rather 
disproportion'd to its breadth, was the more surprising, as that excess is 
not often the case with those of his corpulent habit; making then the right 
and direct application, he drove it up to the guard, whilst the round bulge 
of those Turkish beauties of hers tallying with the hollow made with the 
bent of his belly and thighs, as they curved inwards, brought all those 
parts, surely not undelightfully, into warm touch, and close conjunction; 
his hands he kept passing round her body, and employed in toying with her 
inchanting breasts. As soon too as she felt him at home as he could reach, 
she lifted her head a little from the pillow, and turning her neck, without 
much straining, but her cheeks glowing with the deepest scarlet, and a smile 
of the tenderest satisfaction, met the kiss he press'd forward to give her 
as they were thus close joined together: when leaving him to pursue his 
delights, she hid again her face and blushes with her hands and pillow, and 
thus stood passively and as favourably too as she could, whilst he kept 
laying at her with repeated thrusts and making the meeting flesh on both 
sides resound again with the violence of them; then ever as he backen'd from 
her, we could see between them part of his long whitestaff foamingly in 
motion, till, as he went on again and closed with her, the interposing 
hillocks took it out of sight. Sometimes he took his hands from the 
semi-globes of her bosom, and transferred the pressure of them to those 
larger ones, the present subjects of his soft blockade, which he squeez'd, 
grasp'd and play'd with, till at length a pursuit of driving, so hotly 
urged, brought on the height of the fit, with such overpowering pleasure, 
that his fair partner became now necessary to support him, panting, fainting 
and dying as he discharged; which she no sooner felt the killing sweetness 
of, than unable to keep her legs, and yielding to the mighty intoxication, 
she reeled, and falling forward on the couch, made it a necessity for him, 
if he would preserve the warm pleasure-hold, to fall upon her, where they 
perfected, in a continued conjunction of body and extatic flow, their scheme 
of joys for that time. 

As soon as he had disengag'd, the charming Emily got up, and we crowded 
round her with congratulation and other officious little services; for it is 
to be noted, that though all modesty and reserve were banished from the 
transaction of these pleasures, good manners and politeness were inviolably 
observ'd: here was no gross ribaldry, no offensive or rude behavior, or 
ungenerous reproaches to the girls for their compliance with the humours and 
desires of the men; on the contrary, nothing was wanting to sooth, 
encourage, and soften the sense of their condition to them. Men know not in 
general how much they destroy of their own pleasure, when they break through 
the respect and tenderness due to our sex, and even to those of it who live 
only by pleasing them. And this was a maxim perfectly well understood by 
these polite voluptuaries, these profound adepts in the great art and 
science of pleasure, who never shew'd these votaries of theirs a more tender 
respect than at the time of those exercices of their complaisance, when they 
unlock'd their treasures of concealed beauty, and showed out in the pride of 
their native charms, evermore touching surely than when they parade it in 
the artificial ones of dress and ornament. 

The frolick was now come round to me, and it being my turn of subscription 
to the will and pleasure of my particular elect, as well as to that of the 
company, he came to me, and saluting me very tenderly, with a flattering 
eagerness, put me in mind of the compliances my presence there authoriz'd 
the hopes of, and at the same time repeated to me, "that if all this force 
of example had not surmounted any repugnance I might have to concur with the 
humors and desires of the company, that though the play was bespoke for my 
benefit, and great as his own private disappointment might be, he would 
suffer any thing, sooner than be the instrument of imposing a disagreeable 
task on me." 

To this I answered, without the least hesitation, or mincing grimace, "that 
had I not even contracted a kind of agreement to be at his disposal without 
the least reserve, the example of such agreeable companions would alone 
determine me and that I was in no pain about any thing but my appearing to 
so great a disadvantage after such superior beauties." And take notice, that 
I thought as I spoke. The frankness of the answer pleas'd them all; my 
particular was complimented on his acquisition, and, by way of indirect 
flattery to me, openly envied. 

Mrs. Cole, by the way, could not have given me a greater mark of her regard 
than in managing for me the choice of this young gentleman for my master of 
the ceremonies: for, independent to his noble birth and the great fortune he 
was heir to, his person was even uncommonly pleasing, well shaped and tall; 
his face mark'd with the small-pox, but no more than what added a grace of 
more manliness to features rather turned to softness and delicacy, was 
marvellously enliven'd by eyes which were of the clearest sparkling black; 
in short, he was one whom any woman would, in the familiar style, readily 
call a very pretty fellow. 

I was now handed by him to the cockpit of our match, where, as I was dressed 
in nothing but a white morning gown, he vouchsafed to play the male-Abigail 
on this occasion, and spared me the confusion that would have attended the 
forwardness of undressing myself: my gown was then loosen'd in a trice, and 
I divested of it; my stay next offered an obstacle which readily gave way, 
Louisa very readily furnishing a pair of scissors to cut the lace; off went 
that shell and dropping my upper-coat, I was reduced to my under one and my 
shift, the open bosom of which gave the hands and eyes all the liberty they 
could wish. Here I imagin'd the stripping was to stop, but I reckoned short: 
my spark, at the desire of the rest, tenderly begged, that I would not 
suffer the small remains of a covering to rob them of a full view of my 
whole person; and for me, who was too flexibly obsequious to dispute any 
point with them, and who considered the little more that remain'd as very 
immaterial, I readily assented to whatever he pleased. In an instant, then, 
my under petticoat was untied and at my feet, and my shift drawn over my 
head, so that my cap, slightly fasten'd, came off with it, and brought all 
my hair down (of which, be it again remembered without vanity, that I had a 
very fine head) in loose disorderly ringlets, over my neck and shoulders, to 
the not unfavourable set-off of my skin. 

I now stood before my judges in all the truth of nature, to whom I could not 
appear a very disagreeable figure, if you please to recollect what I have 
before said of my person, which .time, that at certain periods of life robs 
us every instant of our charms, had at that of mine, then greatly improved 
into full and open bloom, for I wanted some months of eighteen. My breasts, 
which in the state of nudity are ever capital points, now in no more than in 
graceful plentitude, maintained a firmness and steady independence of any 
stay of support, that dared and invited the test of touch. Then I was as 
tall, as slim-shaped as could be consistent with all that juicy plumpness of 
flesh, ever the most grateful to the senses of sight and touch, which I owed 
to the health and youth of my constitution. I had not, however, so 
thoroughly renounc'd all innate shame, as not to suffer great confusion at 
the state I saw myself in; but the whole troop round me, men and women, 
relieved me with every mark of applause and satisfaction, every flattering 
attention to raise and inspire me with even sentiments of pride on the 
figure I made, which my friend gallantly protested, infinitely out-shone all 
other birthday finery whatever; so that had I leave to set down, for 
sincere, all the compliments these connoisseurs overwhelmed me with upon 
this occasion, I might flatter myself with having pass'd my examination with 
the approbation of the learned. 

My friend however, who for this time had alone the disposal of me, humoured 
their curiosity, and perhaps his own, so far, that he placed me in all the 
variety of postures and lights imaginable, pointing out every beauty under 
every aspect of it, not without such parentheses of kisses, such 
inflammatory liberties of his roving hands, as made all shame fly before 
them, and a blushing glow give place to a warmer one of desire, which led me 
even to find some relish in the present scene. 

But in this general survey, you may be sure, the most material spot of me 
was not excus'd the strictest visitation nor was it but agreed, that I had 
not the least reason to be diffident of passing even for a maid, on 
occasion: so inconsiderable a flaw had my preceding adventures created 
there, and so soon had the blemish of an over-stretch been repaired and worn 
out at my age, and in my naturally small make in that part. 

Now, whether my partner had exhausted all the modes of regaling the touch or 
sight, or whether he was now ungovernably wound up to strike, I know not; 
but briskly throwing off his clothes, the prodigious heat bred by a close 
room, a great fire, numerous candles, and even the inflammatory warmth of 
these scenes, induced him to lay aside his shirt too, when his breeches, 
before loosen'd, now gave up their contents to view, and shew'd in front the 
enemy I had to engage with, stiffly bearing up the port of its head 
unhooded, and glowing red. Then I plainly saw what I had to trust to: it was 
one of those just true-siz'd instruments, of which the masters have a better 
command than the more unwieldy, inordinate siz'd ones are generally under. 
Straining me then close to his bosom, as he stood up fore-right against me 
and applying to the obvious niche its peculiar idol, he aimed at inserting 
it, which, as I forwardly favoured, he effected at once, by canting up my 
thighs over his naked hips, and made me receive every inch, and close home; 
so that stuck upon the pleasure-pivot, and clinging round his neck, in which 
and in his hair I hid my face, burningly flushing with my present feelings 
as much as with shame, my bosom glew'd to his; he carried me once round the 
couch, on which he then, without quitting the middle-fastness, or 
dischannelling, laid me down, and began the pleasure-grist. But so 
provokingly predisposed and primed as we were, by all the moving sights of 
the night, our imagination was too much heated not to melt us of the 
soonest: and accordingly, I no sooner felt the warm spray dart up my inwards 
from him, but I was punctually on flow, to share the momentry extasy; but I 
had yet greater reason to boast of our harmony: for finding that all the 
flames of desire were not yet quench'd within me, but that rather, like 
wetted coals, I glowed the fiercer for this sprinkling, my hot-mettled 
spark, sympathizing with me, and loaded for a double fire, recontinu'd the 
sweet battery with undying vigour; greatly pleas'd at which, I gratefully 
endeavoured to accommodate all my motions to his best advantage and delight; 
kisses, squeezes, tender murmurs, all came into play, till our joys growing 
more turbulent and riotous, threw us into a fond disorder, and as they raged 
to a point, bore us far from our selves into an ocean of boundless 
pleasures, into which we both plunged together in a transport of taste. Now 
all the impressions of burning desire, from the lively scenes I had been 
spectatress of, ripened by the heat of this exercise, and collecting to a 
head, throbb'd and agitated me with insupportable irritations: I perfectly 
fevered and madden'd with their excess. I bid not now enjoy a calm of reason 
enough to perceive, but I extatically, indeed, felt the power of such rare 
and exquisite provocatives, as the examples of the night had proved towards 
this exalting our pleasures: which, with great joy, I sensibly found my 
gallant shared in, by his nervous and home expressions of it: his eyes 
flashing eloquent flames, his action infuriated with the stings of it, all 
conspiring to rise my delight, by assuring me of his. Lifted then to the 
utmost pitch of joy that human life can bear, undestroyed by excess, I 
touch'd that sweetly critical point, whence scarce prevented by the 
injection from my partner, I dissolved, and breaking out into a deep drawn 
sigh, sent my whole sensitive soul down to that passage where escape was 
denied it, by its being so deliciously plugged and choak'd up. Thus we lay a 
few blissful instants, overpowered, still, and languid till, as the sense of 
pleasure stagnated, we recover'd from our trance, and he slipt out of me, 
not however before he had protested his extreme satisfaction by the 
tenderest kiss and embrace, as well as by the most cordial expressions. 

The company, who had stood round us in a profound silence, when all was 
over, help'd me to hurry on my clothes in an instant, and complimented me on 
the sincere homage they could not escape observing had been done (as they 
termed it) to the sovereignty of my charms, in my receiving a double 
payment, now dress'd again, sig-naliz'd, above all, a fondness unbated by 
the circumstance of recent enjoyment; the girls too kiss'd and embraced me, 
assuring me that for that time, or indeed any other, unless I pleased, I was 
to go thro' no farther public trials, and that I was now consummatedly 
initiated, and one of them. 

As it was an inviolable law for every gallant to keep to his partner, for 
the night especially, and even till he relinquish'd possession over to the 
community, in order to preserve a pleasing property, and to avoid the 
disgusts and indelicacacy of another arrangement, the company, after a short 
refection of biscuits and wine, tea and chocolate, served in at now about 
one in the morning, broke up, and went off in pairs. Mrs. Cole had prepared 
my spark and me an occasional field-bed, to which we retir'd, and there 
ended the night in one continued strain of pleasure, sprightly and uncloy'd 
enough for us not to have formed one wish for its ever knowing an end. In 
the morning, after a restorative breakfast in bed, he got up, and with very 
tender assurances of a particular regard for me, left me to composure and 
refreshment of a sweet slumber; waking out of which, and getting up to dress 
before Mrs. Cole should come in, I found in one of my pockets a purse of 
guineas, which he had slipt there; and just as I was musing on a liberality 
I had certainly not expected, Mrs. Cole came in, to whom I immediately 
communicated the present: and naturally offered her whatever share she 
pleas'd: but assuring me that the gentleman had very nobly rewarded her, she 
would on no terms, no entreaties, no shape I could put it in, receive any 
part of it. Her denial, she observed, was not affectation of grimace, and 
proceeded to read me such admirable lessons on the economy of my person and 
my purse as I became amply paid for my general attention and conformity to, 
in the course of my acquaintance with the town. After which, changing the 
discourse, she fell on the pleasures of the preceding night, where I 
iearn'd, without much surprise, as I began to enter on her character, that 
she had seen every thing that had passed, from a convenient place managed 
solely for that purpose, and of which she readily made me the confidence. 

She had scarce finish'd this, when the little troop of love, the girls my 
companions, broke in, and renewed their compliments and caresses. I observed 
with pleasure, that the fatigues and exercises of the night had not usurped 
in the least on the life of their complexion, or the freshness of their 
bloom: this I found, by their confession, was owing to the management and 
advice of our rare directress. They went down then to figure it, as usual, 
in the shop; whilst I repair'd to my lodgings, where I employed myself till 
I returned to dinner at Mrs. Cole's. 

Here I staid in constant amusement, with one or other of these charming 
girls, till about five in the evening; when seiz'd with a sudden drowsy fit, 
I was prevailed on to go up and doze it off on Harriet's bed, who left me on 
it to my repose. There then I lay down in my cloaths, and fell fast asleep, 
and had now enjoyed, by guess, about an hour's rest, when I was pleasingly 
disturbed by my new and favourite gallant, who, enquiring for me, was 
readily directed where to find me. Coming then into my chamber, and seeing 
me lie alone, with my face turn'd from the light towards the inside of the 
bed, he, without more ado, just slipped off his breeches, for the greater 
ease and enjoyment of the naked touch; and softly turning up my petticoat 
and shift behind, opened the prospect of the back avenue to the genial seat 
of pleasure; where, as I lay at my side length, inclining rather face 
downward, I appeared full fair, and liable to be entered. Laying himself 
then gently down by me, he invested me behind, and giving me to feel the 
warmth of his body, as he applied his thighs and belly close to me, and the 
endeavours of that machine, whose touch has something so exquisitely 
singular in it, to make its way good into me. I wak'd pretty much startled 
at first, but seeing who it was, disposed myself to turn to him, when he 
gave me a kiss, and desiring me to keep my posture, just lifted up my upper 
thigh, and ascertaining the right opening, soon drove it up to the farthest: 
satisfied with which, and solacing himself with lying so close in those 
parts, he suspended motion, and thus steeped in pleasure, kept me lying on 
my side, into him, spoon-fashion, as he term'd it, from the snug indent of 
the back part of my thighs, and all upwards, into the space of the bending 
between his thighs and belly; till, after some time, that restless and 
turbulent inmate, impatient by nature of longer quiet, urg'd him to action, 
which now prosecuting with all the usual train of toying, kissing, and the 
like, ended at length in the liquid proof on both sides, that we had not 
exhausted, or at least were quickly recruited of last night's draughts of 
pleasure in us. 

With this noble and agreeable youth liv'd I in perfect joy and constancy. He 
was full bent on keeping me to himself, for the honey-month at least; but 
his stay in London was not even so long, his father, who had a post in 
Ireland, taking him abruptly with him, on his repairing thither; yet even 
then I was near keeping hold of his affection and person, as he had 
propos'd, and I had consented to follow him in order to go to Ireland after 
him, as soon as he could be settled there; but meeting with an agreeable and 
advantageous match in that kingdom, he chose the wiser part, and forebore 
sending for me. but at the same time took rate that I should receive a very 
magnificent present, which did not however compensate for all my deep regret 
on my loss of him. 

This event also created a chasm in our little society, which Mrs. Cole, on 
the foot of her usual caution, was in no haste to fill up; but then it 
redoubled her attention to procure me, in the advantages of a traffic for a 
counterfeit maidenhead, some consolation for the sort of widowhood I had 
been left in; and this was a scheme she had never lost prospect of, and only 
waited for a proper person to bring it to bear with. 

But I was, it seems, fated to be my own caterer in this, as I had been in my 
first trial of the market. 

I had now pass'd near a month in the enjoyment of all the pleasures of 
familiarity and society with my companions, whose particular favourites (the 
baronet excepted, who soon after took Harriet home) had all, on the terms of 
community establishd'd in the house, solicited the gratification of their 
taste for variety in my embraces; but I had with the utmost art and address, 
on various pretexts, eluded their pursuit, without giving them cause to 
complain; and this reserve I used neither out of dislike of them, or disgust 
of the thing, but my true reason was my attachment to my own, and my 
tenderness of invading the choice of my companions, who outwardly exempt, as 
they seem'd, from jealousy, could not but in secret like me the better for 
the regard I had for, without making a merit of it to them. Thus easy, and 
beloved by the whole family, did I go on; when one day, that, about five in 
the afternoon, I stepped over to a fruiterer's shop in Covent Garden, to 
pick some table fruit for myself and the young women, I met with the 
following adventure. 

Whilst I was chaffering for the fruit I wanted, I ob-serv'd myself follow'd 
by a young gentleman, whose rich dress first attracted my notice; for the 
rest, he had nothing remarkable in his person, except that he was pale, 
thinmade, and ventur'd himself upon legs rather of the slenderest. Easy was 
it to perceive, without seeming to perceive it, that it was me he wanted to 
be at; and keeping his eyes fixed on me, till he came to the same basket 
that I stood at, and cheapening, or rather giving the first price ask'd for 
the fruit, began his approaches. Now most certainly I was not at all out of 
figure to pass for a modest girl. I had neither the feathers, nor funiet of 
a taudry town-miss: a straw hat, a white gown, clean linen, and above all, a 
certain natural and easy air of modesty (which the appearances of never 
forsook me, even on those occasions that I most broke in upon it, in 
practice) were all signs that gave him no opening to conjecture my 
condition. He spoke to me; and this address from a stranger throwing a blush 
into my cheeks, that still set him wider off the truth, I answered him, with 
an aukwardness and confusion the more apt to impose, as there was really a 
mixture of the genuine in them. But when proceeding, on the foot of having 
broken the ice, to join discourse, he went into other leading questions, I 
put so much innocence, simplicity, and even childishness, into my answers 
that on no better foundation, liking my person as he did, I will answer for 
it, he would have been sworn for my modesty. There is, in short, in the men, 
when once they are caught, by the eye especially, a fund of cullibility that 
their lordly wisdom little dreams of, and in virtue of which the most 
sagacious of them are seen so often our dupes. Amongst other queries he put 
to me, one was, whether I was married? I replied, that I was too young to 
think of that this many a year. To that of my age, I answered, and sunk a 
year upon him, passing myself for not seventeen. As to my way of life, I 
told him I had serv'd and apprenticeship to a milliner in Preston, and was 
come to town after a relation, that I had found, on my arrival, was dead, 
and now liv'd journey-woman to a milliner in town. That last article, 
indeed, was not much of the side of what I pretended to pass for; but it did 
pass, under favour of the growing passion I had inspir'd him with. After he 
had next got out of me, very dextrously as he thought, what I had not sort 
of design to make reserve of, my own, my mistress's name, and place of 
abode, he loaded me with fruit, all the rarest and dearest he could pick out 
and sent me home, pondering on what might be the consequence of this 
adventure. 

As soon then as I came to Mrs. Cole's I related to her all that past, on 
which she very judiciously concluded, that if he did not come after me there 
was no harm done, and that, if he did, as her presage suggested to her he 
would, his character and his views should be well sifted, so as to know 
whether the game was worth the springes; that in the mean time nothing was 
easier than my part in it, since no more rested on me than to follow her cue 
and promptership throughout, to the last act. 

The next morning, after an evening spent on his side, as we afterwards 
learnt, in perquisitions into Mrs. Cole's character in the neighbourhood 
(than which nothing could be more favourable to her design upon him), my 
gentleman came in his chariot to the shop, where Mrs. Cole alone had an 
inkling of his errand. Asking then for her, he easily made a beginning of 
acquaintance by bespeaking some millinery ware: when, as I sat without 
lifting up my eyes, and pursuing the hem of a ruffle with the utmost 
composure and simplicity of industry, Mrs. Cole took notice that the first 
impressions I made on him ran no risque of being destroyed by those of 
Louisa and Emily, who were then sitting at work beside me. After vainly 
endeavouring to catch my eyes in rencounter with his (as I held my head 
down, affecting a kind of consciousness of guilt for having, by speaking to 
him given him encouragement and means of following me), and after giving 
Mrs. Cole direction when to bring the things home herself, and the time he 
should expect them, he went out, taking with him some goods, that he paid 
for liberally, for the better grace of his introduction. 

The girls all this time did not in the least smoak the mystery of this new 
customer; but Mrs. Cole, as soon as we were conveniently alone, insur'd me, 
in virtue of her long experience in these matters, "that for this bout my 
charms had not miss'd fire; for that by his eagerness, his manner and looks, 
she was sure he had it: the only point now in doubt was his character and 
circumstances, which her knowledge of the town would soon gain her 
sufficient acquaintance with, to take her measures upon." 

And effectively, in a few hours, her intelligence serv'd her so well, that 
she learn'd that this conquest of mine was no other than Mr. Norbert, a 
gentleman originally of great fortune, which, with a constitution naturally 
not the best, he had vastly impaired by his over-violent pursuit of the 
vices of the town; in the course of which, having worn out and stal'd all 
the more common modes of debauchery, he had fallen into a taste of 
maiden-hunting; in which chase he had ruin'd a number of girls, sparing no 
expense to compass his ends, and generally using them well till tired, or 
cool'd by enjoyment, or springing a new face, he could with more ease 
disembarrass himself of the old ones, and resign them to their fate, as his 
sphere of achievements of that sort lay only amongst such as he could 
proceed with by way of bargain and sale. 

Concluding from these premises, Mrs. Cole observ'd that a character of this 
sort was ever a lawful prize, that the sin would be, not to make the best of 
our market of him; and that she thought such a girl as I only too good for 
him at any rate, and on any terms. 

She went then, at the hour appointed, to his lodgings in one of our inns of 
court, which were furnished in a taste of grandeur that has a special eye to 
all the conveniences of luxury and pleasure. Here she found him in ready 
waiting; and after finishing her pretence of business, and a longe circuit 
of discussions concerning her trade, which she said was very bad, the 
qualities of her servants, 'prentices, journey-women, the discourse 
naturally landed at length on me, when Mrs. Cole, acting admirably the good 
old prating gossip, who lets every thing escape her when her tongue is set 
in motion, cooked him up a story so plausible of me, throwing in every now 
and then such strokes of art, with all the simplest air of nature, in praise 
of my person and temper, as finished him finely for her purpose, whilst 
nothing could be better counterfeited than her innocence of his. But when 
now fir'd and on edge, he proceeded to drop hints of his design or views 
upon me, after he had with much confusion and pains brought her to the point 
(she kept as long aloof from as she throught proper) of understanding him, 
without now affecting to pass for a dragoness of virtue, by flying out into 
those violent and ever suspicious passions, she stuck with the better grace 
and effect to the character of a plain, good sort of a woman, that knew no 
harm, and that getting her bread in an honest way, was made of stuff easy 
and flexible enough to be wrought upon to his ends, by his superior skill 
and address but, however, she managed so artfully that three or four 
meetings took place, before he could obtain the least favourable hope of her 
assistance; without which, he had, by a number of fruitless messages, 
letters, and other direct trials of my disposition, convinced himself there 
was no coming at me, all which too rais'd at once my character and price 
with him. 

Regardful, however, of not carrying these difficulties to such a length as 
might afford time for starting discoveries, or incidents, unfavourable to 
her plan, she at last, pretended to be won over by mere dint of entreaties, 
promises, and, above all, by the dazzling sum she took care to wind him up 
to the specification of, when it was now even a piece of art to feign, at 
once, a yielding to the allurements of a great interest, as a pretext for 
her yielding at all, and the manner of it such as might persuade him she had 
never dipp'd her virtuous fingers in an affair of that sort. 

Thus she led him through all the gradations of difficulty, and obstacles, 
necessary to enhance the value of the prize he aim'd at and in conclusion,, 
he was so struck with the little beauty I was mistress of, and so eagerly 
bent on gaining his ends of me, that he left her even no room to boast of 
her management in bringing him up to her mark, he drove so plum of himself 
into every thing tending to make him swallow the bait. Not but, in other 
respects, Mr. Norbert was not clear-sighted enough, or that he did not 
perfectly know the town, and even by experience, the very branch of 
imposition now in practice upon him: but we had his passion our friend so 
much, he was so blinded and hurried on by it, that he would have thought any 
deception a very ill office done to his pleasure, thus concurring even 
precipitately, to the point she wanted him at, Mrs. Cole brought him at last 
to hug himself on the cheap bargain he consider'd the purchase of my 
imaginary jewel was to him, at no more than three hundred guineas to myself, 
and a hundred to the brokeress: being a slender recompense for all her 
pains, and all the scruples of conscience she had now sacrificed to him for 
this the first time of her life; which sums were to be paid down on the 
nail, upon livery of my person, exclusive of some no inconsiderable presents 
that had been made in the course of the negotiation: during which I had 
occasionally, but sparingly been in-troduc'd into his company, at proper 
times and hours; in which it is incredible how little it seem'd necessary to 
strain my natural disposition to modesty higher, in order to pass it upon 
him for that of a very maid: all my looks and gestures ever breathing 
nothing but that innocence which the men so ardently require in us, for no 
other end than to feast themselves with the pleasures of destroying it, and 
which they are so grievously, with all their skill, subject to mistakes in. 

When the articles of the treaty had been fully agreed on, the stipulated 
payments duly secur'd, and nothing now remained but the execution of the 
main point, which center'd in the surrender of my person up to his free 
disposal and use, Mrs. Cole managed her objections, especially to his 
lodgings, and insinuations so nicely, that it became his own mere notion and 
urgent request, that this copy of a wedding should be finish'd at her house: 
"At first, indeed, she did not care, not she, to have such doings in it ... 
she would not for a thousand pounds have any of the servants or 'prentices 
know it ... her precious good name would be gone for ever....", with the 
like excuses. However, on superior objections to all other expedients, 
whilst she took care to start none but those which were most liable to them 
it came round at last to the necessity of her obliging him in that 
conveniency, and of doing a little more where she had already done so much. 

The night then was fix'd, with all possible respect to the eagerness of his 
impatience, and in the mean time Mrs. Cole had omitted no instructions, nor 
even neglected any preparation, that might enable me to come off with 
honour, in regard to the appearance of my virginity, except that, favour'd 
as I was by nature with all the narrowness of stricture in that part 
requisite to conduct my designs, I had no occasion to borrow those 
auxiliaries of art that create a momentary one, easily discover'd by the 
test of a warm bath. And as to the usual sanguinary symptoms of 
deflorations, which, if not always, are generally attendants on it, Mrs. 
Cole had made me the mistress of an invention of her own, which could hardl 
miss its effect, and of which more in its place. 

Every thing then being disposed and fix'd for Mr Norbert's reception, he 
was, at the hour of eleven al night, with all the mysteries of silence and 
secrecy, let in by Mrs. Cole herself, and introduced into her bed chamber, 
where, in an old fashioned bed of hers, lay, fully undressed, and panting, 
if not with the fear) of a real maid, at least with those perhaps greater of 
dissembled one which gave me an air of confusion and bashfulness that 
maiden-modesty had all the honour of, and was indeed scarce distinguishable 
from it, even by less partial eyes than those of my lover: so let me call 
him, for I ever thought the term "cully" too cruel a reproach to the men, 
for their abused weakness for us. 

As soon as Mrs Cole, after the old gossipery, on these occasions, us'd to 
young women abandoned for the first time to the will of man, had left us 
alone in her room, which, by-the-bye, was well lighted up, at his previous 
desire, that seemed to bode a stricter examination than he afterwards made, 
Mr. Norbert, still dressed, sprung towards the bed, where I got my head 
under the cloaths, and defended them a good while before he could even get 
at my lips, to kiss them: so true it is, that a false virtue, on this 
occasion even makes a greater rout and resistance than a true one, From 
thence he descended to my breasts, the feel I disputed tooth and nail with 
him till tired with my resistance, and thinking probably to give a better 
account of me, when got into bed to me, he hurry'd his cloathes off in an 
instant, and came into bed. 

Mean while by the glimpse I stole of him, I could easily discover a person 
far from promising any such doughty performances as the storming of 
maidensheads generally requires, and whose flimsy consumptive texture gave 
him more the air of an invalide that was pressed, than of a volunteer, on 
such hot service. 

At scarce thirty, he had already reduced his strength of appetite down to a 
wretched dependance on forc'd provocatives, very little seconded by the 
natural power of a body jaded, and racked off to the lees by constant 
repeated overdraughts of pleasure, which had done the work of sixty winters 
on his springs of live: leaving him at the same time all the fire and heat 
of youth in his imagination, which served at once to torment and spur him 
down the precipice. 

As soon as he was in bed, he threw off the bed cloaths, which I suffered him 
to force from my hold and I now lay as expos'd as he could wish, not only to 
his attacks, but his visitations of the sheets; where in the various 
agitations of the body, through my endeavours to defend myself, he could 
easily assure himself there was no preparation: though, to do him justice he 
seem'd a less strict examinant than I had apprehended from so experienc'd a 
practitioner. My shift then he fairly tore open, finding I made too much use 
of it to barricade my breasts, as well as the more important avenue: yet in 
everything else he proceeded with all the marks of tenderness and regard to 
me, whilst the art of my play was to show none for him. I acted then all the 
niceties, apprehensions and terrors, supposable for a girl perfectly 
innocent to feel,-at so great a novelty as a naked man in bed with her for 
the first time. He scarce even obtained a kiss but what he ravished; I put 
his hand away twenty times from my breasts, where he had satisfied himself 
of their hardness and consistence, with passing for hitherto unhandled 
goods. But when grown impatient for the main point, he now threw himself 
upon me, and first trying to examine me with his finger, sought to make 
himself further way, I complained of his usage bitterly; "I throught he 
would not have serv'd a body so ... I was ruin'd ... I did not know what I 
had done ... I would get up, so I would...."; and at the same time kept my 
thighs so fast locked, that it was not for strength like his to force them 
open, or do any good. Finding thus my advantages, and that I had both my own 
and his motions at command, the deceiving him came so easy, that it was 
perfectly playing upon velvet. In the mean time his machine, which was one 
of those sizes that slip in and out without being minded, kept pretty 
stiffly bearing against that part, which the shutting my thighs barr'd 
access to; but finding, at length, he could do no good by mere dint of 
bodily strength, he resorted to entreaties and arguments: to which I only 
answer'd, with a tone of shame and timidity, "that I was afraid he would 
kill me ... Lord! ... , I would not be served so ... I was never so used in 
all my born days ... I wondered he was not ashamed of himself, so I did ... 
," with such silly infantine moods of repulse and complaint as I judged best 
adapted to express the character of innocence, and affright. Pretending, 
however, to yield at length to the vehemence of his insistence, in action 
and words, I sparingly disclosed my thighs, so that he could just touch the 
cloven inlet with the tip of his instrument, but as he fatigued and toil'd 
to get it in, a twist of my body, so as to receive it obliquely, not only 
thwarted his admission, but giving a scream, as if he had pierced me to the 
heart, I shook him off me with such violence that he could not with all his 
might to it, keep the saddle. Vex'd indeed at this he seemed, but not in the 
style of any displeasure with me for my skittishness; on the contrary, I 
dare swear he held me the dearer, and hugged himself for the difficulties 
that even hurt his instant pleasure. Fired, however, now beyond all bearance 
of delay, he remounts, and begg'd me to have patience, stroaking and 
soothing me to it by all the tenderest endearments and protestations of what 
he would moreover do for me; at which, feigning to be something softened, 
and abating of the anger that I had shewn at his hurting me so prodigiously, 
I suffered him to lay my thighs aside, and make way for a new trial; but I 
watched the directions and management of his point so well, that no sooner 
was the orifice in the least open to it, but I gave such a timely jerk as 
seemed to proceed not from the evasion of his entry, but from the pain his 
efforts at it put me to: a circumstance too that I did not fail to accompany 
with proper gestures, sighs and cries of complaint, of which, "that he had 
hurt me ... he kill'd me ... I should die....", were the most frequent 
interjections. But now, after repeated attempts, in which he had not made 
the least impression towards gaining his point, at least for that time, the 
pleasure rose so fast upon him, that he could not check or delay it, and in 
the vigour and fury which the approaches of the height of it inspir'd him, 
he made one fierce thrust, that had almost put me by my guard, and lodged it 
so far that I could feel the warm inspersion just within the exterior 
orfice, which I had the cruelty not to let him finish there, but threw him 
out again, not without a most piercing loud exclamation, as if the pain had 
put me beyond all regard of being overheard. It was easy then to observe 
that he was more satisfy'd, more highly pleased with the supposed motives of 
his baulk of consummation, than he would have been at the full attainment of 
it. It was on this foot that I solved to myself all the falsity I employed 
to procure him that blissful pleasure in it, which most certainly he would 
not have tasted in the truth of things. Eas'd however, and relieved by one 
discharge, he now apply'd himself to sooth, encourage and put me into humour 
and patience to bear his next attempt, which he began to prepare and gather 
force for, from all the incentives of the touch and sight which he could 
think of, by examining every individual part of my whole body, which he 
declared his satisfaction with, in raptures of applauses, kisses universally 
imprinted, and sparing no part of me, in all the eagerest wantonness of 
feeling, seeing, and toying, his vigour however did not return so soon, and 
I felt him more than once pushing at the door, but so little in a condition 
to break in, that I question whether he had the power to enter, had I held 
it ever so open; but this he then thought me too little acquainted with the 
nature of things, to have any regret or confusion about, and he kept 
fatiguing himself and me for a long time, before he was in any state to 
resume his attacks with any prospect of success; and then I breath'd him so 
warmly, and kept him so at bay, that before he had made any sensible 
progress in point of penetration, he was deliciously sweated, and weary'd 
out indeed: so that it was deep in the morning before he achieved his second 
let-go, about half ways of entrance, I all the while crying and complaining 
of his prodigious vigour, and the immensity of what I appear'd to suffer 
splitting up with. Tired, however, at length, with such athletic drudgery, 
my champion began now to give out, and gladly embrace the refreshment of 
some rest. Kissing me then with much affection, and recommending me to my 
repose he presently fell fast asleep: which, as soon as I had well satisfy'd 
myself of, I with much composure of body, so as not to wake him by any 
motion, with much ease and safety too, played of Mrs. Cole's device for 
perfecting the signs of my virginity. 

In each of the head bed-posts, just above where the bedsteads are inserted 
into them, there was a small drawer, so artfully adapted to the mouldings of 
the timber-work, that it might have escap'd even the most curious search: 
which drawers were easily open'd or shut by the touch of a spring, and were 
fitted each with a shallow glass tumbler, full of a prepared fluid blood, in 
which lay soak'd, for ready use, a sponge, that required no more than gently 
reaching the hand to it, taking it out and properly squeezing between the 
thighs, when it yielded a great deal more of the red liquid than would save 
a girl's honour; after which, replacing it, and touching the spring, all 
possibility of discovery, or even of suspicion, was taken away; and all this 
was not the work of the fourth part of a minute, and of which ever side one 
lay, the thing was equally easy and practicable, by the double care taken to 
have each bed-post provided alike. True it is, that had he waked and caught 
me in the fact, it would at least have covered me with shame and confusion; 
but then, that he did not, was, with the precautions I took, a risk of a 
thousand to one in my favour. 

At ease now, and out of all fear of any doubt or suspicion on his side, I 
address'd myself in good earnest to my repose, but could obtain none; and in 
about half an hour's time my gentleman waked again, and turning towards me, 
I feigned a sound sleep, which he did not long respect; but girding himself 
again to renew the onset, he began to kiss and caress me, when now making as 
if I just wak'd, I complained of the disturbance, and of the cruel pain that 
this little rest had stole my senses from. Eager, however, for the pleasure, 
as well of consummating an entire triumph over my virginity, he said every 
thing that could overcome my resistance, and bribe my patience to the end, 
which now I was ready to listen to, from being secure of the bloody proofs I 
had prepared of his victorious violence, though I still thought of good 
policy not to let him in yet a while. I answered then only to his 
importunities in sighs and moans, "that I was so hurt, I could not bear it 
... I was sure he had done me a mischief; that he had ... he was such a sad 
man!" At this, turning down the cloaths, and viewing the field of battle by 
the glimmer of a dying taper, he saw plainly my thighs, shift, and sheets, 
all stained with what he readily took for a virgin effusion, proceeding from 
his last half-penetration: convinc'd, and transported at which, nothing 
could equal his joy and exultation. The illusion was complete, no other 
conception entered his head, but that of his having been at work upon an 
un-open'd mine; which idea, upon so strong an evidence, redoubled at once 
his tenderness for me, and his ardour for breaking it wholly up. Kissing me 
then with the utmost rapture, he comforted me, and begg'd my pardon for the 
pain he had put me to; observing withal, that it was only a thing in course, 
but the worst was certainly past, and that with a little courage and 
constancy, I should get it once well over, and never after experience any 
thing but the greatest pleasure. By little and little I suffer'd myself to 
be prevailed on, and giving, as it were, up the point to him, I made my 
thighs, insensibly spreading them, yield him liberty of access, which 
improving, he got a little within me, when by a well managed reception I 
work'd the female screw so nicely, that I kept him from the easy mid-channel 
direction, and by destrous wreathing and contortions, creating an artificial 
difficulty of entrance, made him win it inch by inch, with the most 
laborious struggles, I all the while sorely complaining: till at length, 
with might and main, winging his way in, he got it completely home, and 
giving my virginity, as he thought, the coup de grace, furnished me with the 
cue of settling up a terrible outcry, whilst he, triumphant and like a cock 
clapping his wings over his down-trod mistress, pursu'd his pleasure; which 
presently rose, in virtue of this idea of a complete victory, to a pitch 
that made me soon sensible of his melting period; whilst I now lay acting 
the deep wounded, breathless, frighten'd, undone, no longer maid. 

You would ask me, perhaps, whether all this time I enjoy'd any perception of 
pleasure? I assure you, little or none, till just towards the latter end, a 
faintish sense of it came on mechanically, from so long a struggle and 
frequent fret in that ever sensible part; but, in the first place, I had not 
taste for the person I was suffering the embraces of, on a pure mercenary 
account; and then, I was not entirely delighted with myself for the jade's 
part I was playing, whatever excuses I might have to plead for my being 
brought into it; but then this insensibility kept me so much the mistress of 
my mind and motions, that I could the better manage so close a counterfeit, 
through the whole scene of deception. 

Recover'd at length to a mere show of life by his tender condolences, kisses 
and embraces, I upbraided him and reproach'd him with my ruin, in such 
natural terms as added to his satisfaction with himself, for having 
accomplish'd it; and guessing, by certain observations of mine, that it 
would be rather favourable to him, to spare him, when he some time after, 
feebly enough, came on again to the assault, I resolutely withstood any 
further endeavours, on a pretext that flattered his prowess, of my being so 
violently hurt and sore, that I could not possibly endure a fresh trial; he 
then graciously granted me a respite, and the next morning soon after 
advancing, I got rid of further importunity, till Mrs. Cole, being rang for 
by him, came in and was made acquainted, in terms of the utmost joy and 
rapture, with his triumphant certainty of my virtue, and the finishing 
stroke he had given it, in the course of the night: of which, he added, she 
would see proof enough, in bloody characters, on the sheets. 

You may guess how a woman of her turn of address and experience humour'd the 
jest, and played him off with mixed exclamations of shame, anger, compassion 
for me, and of her being pleased that all was so well over, in which last, I 
believe, she was certainly sincere. And now, as the objection which she had 
represented as an invincible one, to my lying the first night at his 
lodgings 

(which were studiously calculated for freedom of intrigues) on the account 
of my maiden fears and terrors, at the thoughts of going to a gentleman's 
chambers, and being alone with him in bed, was surmounted, she pretended to 
persuade me, in favour to him, that I should go there to him, whenever he 
pleas'd, and still keep up all the necessary appearances of working with 
her, that I might not lose, with my character, the prospect of getting a 
good husband, and at the same time her house would be kept the safer from 
scandal. All this seem'd so reasonable, so considerate to Mr. Norbert, that 
he never once perceived that she did not want him to resort to her house, 
lest he might in time discover certain inconsistencies with the character 
she had set out with to him: besides that, this plan greatly flattered his 
own ease, and views of liberty. 

Leaving me then to my much wanted rest, he got up, and Mrs. Cole, after 
settling with him all points relating to me, got him undiscovered out of the 
house. After which, as I was awake, she came in, and gave me due praises for 
my success. Behaving too with her usual moderation and disinterestedness, 
she refus'd any share of the sum I had thus earned, and put me into such a 
secure and easy way of disposing of my affairs, which now amounted to a kind 
of little fortune, that a child of ten years old might have kept the account 
and property of them safe in its hands. 

I was now restor'd again to my former state of a kept mistress, and used 
punctually to wait on Mr. Norbert at his chambers whenever he sent a 
messenger for me, which I constantly took care to be in the way of, and 
manag'd with so much caution, that he never once penetrated the nature of my 
connection with Mrs. Cole; but indolently given up to ease and the town 
dissipations, the perpetual hurry of them hinder'd him from looking into his 
own affairs, much less to mine. 

In the mean time, if I may judge from my own experience, none are better 
paid, or better treated, during their reign, than the mistresses of those 
who, enervate by nature, debaucheries, or age, have the least employment for 
the sex: sensible that a woman must be satisfy'd some way, they ply her with 
a thousand little tender attentions, presents, caresses, confidences, and 
exhaust their inventions in means and devices to make up for the capital 
deficiency; and even towards lessening that, what arts, what modes, what 
refinements of pleasure have they not recourse to, to raise their languid 
powers, and press nature into the service of their sensuality? But here is 
their misfortune, that when by a course of teasing, worrying, handling, 
wanton postures, lascivious motions, they have at length accomplish'd a 
flashy enervate enjoyment, they at the same time lighted up a flame in the 
object of their passion, that, not having the means themselves to quench, 
drives her for relief into the next person's arms, who can finish their 
work; and thus they become bawds to some favourite, tried and approv'd of, 
for a more vigorous and satisfactory execution; for with women, of our turn 
especially, however well our hearts may be dispos'd, there is a controlling 
part, or queen-seat in us, that governs itself by its own maxims of state, 
amongst which not one is stronger in practice with it, than, in the matter 
of its dues, never to accept the will for the deed. 

Mr. Norbert, who was much in this ungracious case, though he profess'd to 
like me extremely, could but seldom consummate the main-joy itself with me, 
without such a length and variety of preparations, as were at once wearisome 
and inflammatory. 

Sometimes he would strip me stark naked on a carpet, by a good fire, when he 
would contemplate me almost by the hour, disposing me in all the figures and 
attitudes of body that it was susceptible of being viewed in; kissing me in 
every part, the most secret and critical one so far from excepted, that it 
received most of that branch of homage. Then his touches were so exquisitely 
wanton, so luxuriously diffus'd and penetrative at times, that they had made 
me perfectly rage with titillating fires, when, after all, and with much 
ado, he had gained a short-lived erection, he would perhaps melt it away in 
a washy sweat, or a premature abortive effusion, that provokingly mock'd my 
eager desires: or, if carried home, how faulter'd and unnervous the 
execution! how insufficient the sprinkle of a few heat-drops to extinguish 
all the flames he had kindled! 

One evening, I cannot help remembering that, returning home from him, with a 
spirit he had raised in a circle his wand had prov'd too weak to lay, as I 
turn'd the corner of a street, I was overtaken by a young sailor. I was then 
in that spruce, neat, plain dress, which I ever affected, and perhaps might 
have, in my trip, a certain air of restlessness unknown to the composure of 
cooler thoughts. However, he seiz'd me as prize, and without farther 
ceremony threw his arms round my neck, and kiss'd me boisterously and 
sweetly. I looked at him with a beginning of anger and indignation at his 
rudeness, that softened away into other sentiments as I viewed him: for he 
was tall, manly carriaged, handsome of body and face, so that I ended my 
stare, with asking him, in a tone turn'd to tenderness, what he meant; at 
which, with the same frankness and vivacity as he had begun with me, he 
proposed treating me with a glass of wine. Now, certain it is, that had I 
been in a calmer state of blood than I was, had I not been under the 
dominion of unappeas'd irritations and desires, I should refused him without 
hesitation; but I do not know how have it was, my pressing calls, his 
figure, the occasion, and if you will, the powerful combination of all 
these, with a start of curiosity to see the end of an adventure, so novel 
too as being treated like a common street-player made me give a silent 
consent; in short, it was not my head that I now obeyed, I suffered myself 
to be towed along as it were by this man-of-war, who took me under his arm 
as familiarly as if he had known me all his life-time, and led me into the 
next convenient tavern, where we were shown into a little room on one side 
of the passage. Here, scarce allowing himself patience till the drawer 
brought in the wine call'd for, he fell directly on board me: when, 
untucking my handkerchief, and giving me a snatching buss, he laid my 
breasts bare at once, which he handled with that keenness of gust that 
abridges a ceremonial ever more tiresome than pleasing on such pressing 
occasions; and now, hurrying towards the main-point,, we found no 
conveniency to our purpose, two or three disabled chairs, and a rickety 
table, composing the whole furniture of the room. Without more ado, he 
plants me with my back standing against the wall, and my petticoats up; and 
coming out with a splitter indeed, made it shine, as he brandished it, in my 
eyes; and going to work with an impetuosity and eagerness, bred very likely 
by a long fast at sea, went to give me a taste of it. I straddled, I 
humoured my posture, and did my best in short to buckle to it; I took part 
of it in too, but still things did not go to his thorough liking: changing 
then in a trice his system of battery, he leads me to the table and with a 
master-hand lays my head down on the edge of it, and, with the other canting 
up my petticoats and shift, bares my naked posteriours to his blind and 
furious guide; it forces its way between them, and I feeling pretty sensibly 
that it was not going by the right door, and knocking desperately at the 
wrong one, I told him of it:-"Pooh!" says he, "my dear, any port in a 
storm." Altering, however, directly his course, and lowering his point, he 
fixed it right, and driving it up with a delicious stiffness, made all foam 
again, and gave me the tout with such fire and spirit, that in the fine 
disposition I was in when I submitted to him, and stirr'd up so fiercely as 
I was, I got the start of him, and went away into the melting swoon, and 
squeezing him, whilst in the convulsive grasp of it, drew from him such a 
plenteous bedewal, as join'd to my own effusion, perfectly floated those 
parts, and drown'd in a deluge all my raging conflagration of desire. 

When this was over, how to make my retreat was my concern; for, though I had 
been so extremely pleas'd with the difference between this warm broadside, 
pour'd so briskly into me, and the tiresome pawing and toying to which I had 
owed the unappeas'd flames that had driven me into this step, now I was 
grown cooler, I began to apprehend the danger of contracting an acquaintance 
with this, however agreeable, stranger; who, on his side, spoke of passing 
the evening with me and continuing our intimacy, with an air of 
determination that made me afraid of its being not so easy to get away from 
him as I could wish. In the mean time I carefully conceal'd my uneasiness, 
and readily pretented to consent to stay with him telling him I should only 
step to my lodgings to leave a necessary direction, and then instantly 
return. This he very glibly swallowed, on the notion of my being one of 
those unhappy streeterrants, who devote themselves to the pleasure of the 
first ruffian that will stoop to pick them up, and of course, that I would 
scarce bilk myself of my hire, by my not returning to make the most of the 
job. Thus he parted with me, not before, however, he had order'd in my 
hearing a supper, which I had the barbarity to disappoint him of my Company 
to. 

But when I got home, and told Mrs. Cole my adventure, she presented so 
strongly to me the nature and dangerous consequences of my folly, 
particularly the risques to my health, in being so openlegg'd and free, that 
I not only took resolutions never to venture so rashly again, which I 
inviolably preserv'd, but pass'd a good many days in continual uneasiness, 
lest I should have me with other reasons, besides the pleasure of that 
recoun-ter, to remember it; but these fears wronged my pretty sailor, for 
which I gladly make him this reparation. 

I had now liv'd with Mr. Norbert near a quarter of a year, in which space I 
circulated my time very pleasantly, between my amusements at Mrs. Cole's, 
and a proper attendance on that gentleman, who paid me profusely for tb 
uunlimitted complaisance with which I passively humoured every caprice of 
pleasure, and which had won upon him so greatly, that finding, as he said, 
all that variety in me alone, which he had sought for in a number of women, 
I had made him lose his taste for inconstancy, and new faces. But what was 
yet at least agreeable, as well as more flattering, to me as his fondness 
and attachment, as well as much more flattering the love I had inspir'd him 
with, bred a deference to me, that was of great service to his health: for 
having by degrees, and with most pathetic representations brought him to 
some husbandry of it, and to insure the duration of his pleasures by 
moderating their use, and correcting those excesses in them he was so 
addicted to and which had shatter'd his constitution and destroyed his 
powers of life in the very point for which he seemed chiefly desirous to 
live, he was grown more delicate, more temperate, and in course more 
healthy; his gratitude for which was taking a turn very favourable for my 
fortune, when once more the caprice of it dash'd the cup from my lips. 

His sister, lady L...., for whom he had a great affection, desiring him to 
accompany her down to Bath for her health, he could not refuse her such a 
favour; and accordingly, though he counted on staying away from me no more 
than a week at farthest, he took his leave of me with an ominous heaviness 
of heart, and left me a sum far above the state of his fortune, and very 
inconsistent with the intended shortness of the journey; but it ended in the 
longest that can be, and is never but once taken: for, arriv'd at Bath, he 
was not there two days before he fell into a debauch of drinking with some 
gentlemen, that threw him into a high fever, and carry'd him off in four 
days time, never once out of a delirium. Had he been in his senses to make a 
will, perhaps he might have made favourable mention of me in it. Thus, 
however, I lost him; and as no condition of life is more subject to 
revolutions than that of a woman of pleasure, I soon recover'd my 
cheerfulness, and now beholding myself once more struck off the list of 
kept-mistresses, returned into the bosom of the community from which I had 
been in some manner taken. 

Mrs. Cole still continuing her friendship, offered me her assistance and 
advice towards another choice; but I was now in ease and affluence enough to 
look about me at leisure; and as to any constitutional calls of pleasure, 
their pressure, or sensibility, was greatly lessen'd by a consciousness of 
the ease with which they were to be satisfy'd at Mrs. Cole's house, where 
Louisa and Emily still continu'd in the old way; and my great favourite 
Harriet used often to come and see me, and entertain me, with her head and 
heart full of the happiness she enjoy'd' with her dear baronet, whom she 
loved with tenderness, and constancy, even though he was her keeper, and 
what is yet more, had made her independent, by a handsome provision for her 
and hers. I was then in this vacancy from any regular employ of my person, 
in my way of business, when one day, Mrs. Cole, in the course of the 
constant confidence we lived in, acquainted me that there was one Mrs. 
Barville, who used her house, just come to town, whom she was not a little 
perplex'd about finding a suitable companion for; which was indeed a point 
of difficulty, as he was under the tyranny of a cruel taste: that of an 
ardent desire, not only of being unmercifully whipp'd himself, but of 
whipping others, in such sort, that tho' he paid extravagantly those who had 
the courage and complaisance to submit to his humour, there were few, 
delicate as he was in the choice of his subjects, who would exchange turns 
with him so terrible at the expense of their skins. But, what yet increased 
the oddity of this strange fancy was the gentleman being young; whereas it 
generally attacks, it seems, such as are through age, obliged to have 
recourse to this experiment for quickening the circulation of their sluggish 
juices, and determining a conflux of the spirits of pleasure towards those 
flagging, shrivelly parts, that rise to life only by virtue of those 
titillating ardours created by the discipline of their op-posites, with 
which they have so surprising a consent. 

This Mrs. Cole could not well acquaint me with, in any expectation of my 
offering my service: for, sufficiently easy as I was in my circumstances, it 
must have been the temptation of an immense interest indeed, that could have 
induced me to embrace such a job; neither had I ever express'd, nor indeed 
felt, the least impulse or curiosity to know more of a taste, that promis'd 
so much more pain than pleasures to those that stood in no need of such 
violent goads: what then should move me to subscribe myself voluntarily to a 
party of pain, foreknowing it such? Why, to tell the plain truth, it was a 
sudden caprice a gust of fancy for trying a new experiment mix'd with the 
vanity of approving my personal courage to Mrs. Cole, that determined me, at 
all risks, to propose myself to her, and relieve her from any farther 
lookout. Accordingly, I at once pleas'd and surpris'd her, with a frank and 
unreserved render of my person to her and her friend's absolute disposal on 
this occasion. 

My good temporal mother was, however, so kind as to use all the arguments 
she could imagine to dissuade me: but, as I found they only turn'd on a 
motive of tenderness to me, I persisted in my resolution, and thereby 
acquitted my offer of any suspicion of its not having been sincerely made, 
or out of compliment only. Acquiescing then thankfully in it, Mrs. Cole 
assur'd me I should be liberally paid for, and which the secrecy of the 
transaction preserved safe from the ridicule that otherwise vulgarly 
attended it; that for her part, she considered pleasure, of one sort or 
other, as the universal port of destination, and every wing that blew 
thither a good one, provided it blew nobody any harm; that she rather 
compassionated, than blam'd those unhappy persons, whe are under a 
subjection they cannot shake off, to those arbitrary tastes that rule their 
appetites of pleasures with an unaccountable control: tastes too, as 
infinitely diversify'd, as superior to, and independent of all reasoning as 
the different relishes or palates of mankind in their viands, some delicate 
stomachs nauseating plain meats, and finding no savour but in high-seasoned, 
luxurious dishes, whilst others again pique themselves upon detesting them." 

I stood now in no need of this preambule of encouragement, or justification: 
my word was given, and I was determin'd to fufil my engagements. Accordingly 
the night was set, and I had all the necessary previous instructions how to 
act and conduct myself. The dining-room was duly prepared and lighted up, 
and the young gentleman posted there in waiting, for my introduction to him. 

I was then, by Mrs. Cole, brought in, and presented to him, in a loose 
dishabille fitted, by her direction, to the exercice I was to go through, 
all in the finest linnen and a thorough white uniform: gown, petticoat, 
stockings, and satin slippers, like a victim led to sacrifice; whilst my 
dark auburn hair, falling in drop-curls over my neck, created a pleasing 
distinction of colour from the rest of my dress. 

As soon as Mr. Barville saw me, he got up, with a visible air of pleasure 
and surprize, and saluting me, asked Mrs. Cole if it was possible that so 
fine and delicate a creature would voluntarily submit to such sufferings and 
rigours, as were the subject of his assignation. She answer'd him properly, 
and now, reading in his eyes that she could not too soon leave us together, 
she went out, after recommending to him to use moderation with so tender a 
novice. 

But whilst she was employing his attention, mine had been taken up with 
examining the figure and person of this unhappy young gentleman, who was 
thus unaccountably condemn'd to have his pleasure lashed into him, as boys 
have their learning. 

He was exceedingly fair, and, smooth complexion'd, and appeared to me no 
more than twenty at most, tho' he was three years older than what my 
conjectures gave him; but then he ow'd this favourable mistake to a habit of 
fatness, which spread through a short, squab stature, and a round, plump, 
fresh coloured face gave him greatly the look of a Bacchus, had not an air 
of austerity, not to say sterness, very unsuitable even to his shape of 
face, dash'd that character of joy, necessary to complete the resemblance. 
His dress was extremely neat, but plain, and far inferior to the ample 
fortune he was in fudl possession of; this too was a taste in him, and not 
avarice. 

As soon as Mrs. Cole was gone, he seated me near him, when now his face 
changed upon me, into an expression of the most pleasing sweetness and good 
humor, the more remarkable for its sudden shift from the other extreme, 
which I found afterwards, when I knew more of his character, was owning to a 
habitual state of conflict with, and dislike of himself, for being enslaved 
to so peculiar a gust, by the fatality of a constitutional ascendant, that 
render'd him incapable of receiving any pleasure, till he submitted to these 
extraordinary means of procuring it at the hands of pain, whilst the 
constancy of this repining consciousness stamp'd at length that cast of 
sourness and severity on his features: which was, in fact, very foreign to 
the natural sweetness of his temper. 

After a competent preparation by apologies, and encouragement to go through 
my part with spirit and constancy, he stood up near the fire, whilst I went 
to fetch the instruments of discipline out of a closet hard by: these were 
several rods, made each of two or three strong twigs of birch tied together, 
which he took, handled, and view'd with as much pleasure, as I did with a 
kind of shuddering presage. 

Next we took from the side of the room a long broad bench, made easy to lie 
at length on by a soft cushion in a callico-cover; and every thing being now 
ready, he took his coat and waistcoat off; and at his motion and desire, I 
unbutton'd his breeches, and rolling up his shirt rather above his waist, 
tuck'd it in securely there: when directing naturally my eyes to that humor 
some master-movement, in whose favour all these dispositions were making, 
it. seemed almost shrunk into his body, scarce shewing its tip above the 
sprout of hairy curls that cloathed those parts, as you may have seen a wren 
peep its head out of the grass. 

Stooping then to untie his garters, he gave them me for the use of tying him 
down to the legs of the bench: a circumstance no farther necessary than, as 
I suppose, it made part of the humour of the thing, since he prescribed it 
to himself, amongst the rest of the ceremonial. 

I led him then to the bench, and according to my cue, play'd at forcing him 
to lie down: which, after some little show of reluctance, for form-sake, he 
submitted to; he was straightway extended flat upon his belly, on the bench, 
with a pillow under his face; and as he thus tamely lay, I tied him slightly 
hand and foot, to the legs of it; which done, his shirt remaining truss'd up 
over the small of his back, I drew his breeches quite down to his knees; and 
now he lay, in all the fairest, broadest display of that part of the 
back-view; in which a pair of chubby, smooth-cheek'd and passing white 
posteriours rose cushioning upwards from two stout, fleshful thighs, and 
ending their cleft, or separation by an union at the small of the back, 
presented a bold mark, that swell'd, as it were, to meet the scourge. 

Seizing now one of the rods, I stood over him, and according to his 
direction, gave him in one breath, ten lashes with much good-will, and the 
utmost nerve and vigour of arm that I could put to them, so as to make those 
fleshy orbs quiver again under them; whilst he himself seem'd no more 
concern'd, or to mind them, than a lobster would a flea-bite. In the mean 
time, I viewed intently the effects of them, which to me at least appear'd 
surprisingly cruel: every lash had skimmed the surface of those white 
cliffs, which they deeply reddened, and lapping round the side of the 
furthermost from me, cut specially, into the dimple of it, such livid weals, 
as the blood either spun out from, or stood in large drops on; and, from 
some of the cuts, I picked out even the splinters of the rod that had stuck 
in the skin. Nor was this raw work to be wonder'd at, considering the 
greenness of the twigs and the severity of the infliction, whilst the whole 
surface of his skin was so smooth-stretched over the hard and firm pulp of 
flesh that fill'd it, as to yield no play, or elusive swagging under the 
stroke: which thereby took place the more plum, and cut into the quick. 

I was however already so mov'd at the piteous sight, that I from my heart 
repented the undertaking, and would willingly have given over, thinking he 
had full enough; but, he encouraging and beseeching me earnestly to proceed, 
I gave him ten more lashes; and then resting, survey'd the increase of 
bloody appearances. And at length, steel'd to the sight, by his stoutness in 
suffering, I continued the disipline, by intervals, till I observ'd him 
wreathing and twisting his body, in a way that I could plainly perceive was 
not the effect of pain, but of some new and powerful sensation: curious to 
dive into the meaning of which, in one of my pauses of intermission, I 
approached, as he still kept working, and grinding his belly against the 
cushion under him; and, first stroaking the untouched and unhurt side of the 
flesh-mount next me, then softly insinuating my hand under his thigh, felt 
the posture things were in forwards, which was indeed surprising: for that 
machine of his, which I had, by its appearance, taken for an impalpable, or 
at best a very diminuitive subject, was now, in virtue of all that smart and 
havoc of his skin behind, grown not only to a prodigious stiffness of 
erection, but to a size that frighted even me: a non-pareil thickness 
indeed! the head of it alone fill'd the utmost capacity of my grasp. And 
when, as he heav'd and wriggled to and fro, in the agitation of his strange 
pleasure, it came into view, it had something of the air of a round fillet 
of the whitest veal, and like its owner, squab, and short in proportion to 
its breadth; but when he felt my hand there, he begg'd I would go on briskly 
with my jerking, or he should never arrive at the last stage of pleasure. 

Resuming then the rod and the exercise of it, I had fairly worn out three 
bundles, when, after an increase of struggles and motion, and a deep sigh or 
two, I saw him lie still and motionless; and now he desir'd me to desist, 
which I instantly did; and proceeding to untie him, I could not but be 
amazed at his passive fortitude, on viewing the skin of his butcher'd, 
mangled posteriours late so white, smooth and polish'd, now all one side of 
them a confused cut-work of weals, livid flesh, gashes and gore, insomuch 
that when he stood up, he could scarce walk; in short, he was in 
sweet-briars. 

Then I plainly perceived, on the cushion, the marks of a plenteous effusion, 
and already had his sluggard member run up to its old nestling-place, and 
enforced itself again, as if its ashamed to show its head; which nothing, it 
seems, could raise but stripes inflicted on its opposite neighbours who were 
thus constantly obliged to suffer for his caprice. 

My gentleman had now put on his clothes and recomposed himself, when giving 
me a kiss, and placing me by him, he sat himself down as gingerly as 
possible, with one side off the cushion, which was too sore for him to bear 
resting any part of his weight on. 

Here he thank'd me for the extreme pleasure I had procured him, and seeing, 
perhaps, some marks in my countenance of terror and apprehension of 
retaliation on my own skin, for what I had been the instrument of his 
suffering in his, he assured me, "he was ready to give up to me any 
engagement I might deem myself under to stand him, as he had done me, but if 
that proceeded in my consent to it, he would consider the difference of my 
sex, its greater delicacy and incapacity to undergo pain." Rehearten'd at 
which, and piqu'd in honour, as I thought, not to flinch so near the trial, 
especially as I well knew Mrs. Cole was an eye-witness, from her stand of 
espial, to the whole of our transactions, I was now less afraid of my skin, 
than of his not furnishing me with an opportunity of signalizing my 
resolution. 

Consonant to this disposition was my answer, but my courage was still more 
in my head, than in my heart; and as cowards rush into the danger they fear, 
in order to be the sooner rid of the pain of that sensation, I was entirely 
pleas'd with his hastening matters into execution. 

He had then little to do, but to unloose the strings of my petticoats, and 
lift them, together with my shirt, navel-high, where he just tuck'd them up 
loosely girt, and might be slipt up higher at pleasure. Then viewing me 
round with great seeming delight, he laid me at length on my face upon the 
bench, and when I expected he would tie me, as I hade done him, and held out 
my hands, not without fear and a little trembling, he told me, "he would by 
no means terrify me unnecessarily with such a confinement; for that though 
he meant to put my constancy to some trial, the standing it was to be 
completely voluntary on my side, and therefore I might be at full liberty to 
get up whenever I found the pain too much for me." You cannot imagine how 
much I though myself bound, by being thus allow'd to remain loose, and how 
much spirit this confidence in me gave me, so that I was even from m yheart 
careless how much my flesh might suffer in honour of it. 

All my back parts, naked half way up, were now fully at his mercy: and 
first, he stood at a convenient distance, delighting himself with a gloating 
survey of the attitude I lay in, and of all the secret stores I thus expos'd 
to him in fair display. Then, springing eagerly towards me, he cover'd all 
those naked parts with a fond profusion of kisses; and now, taking hold of 
the rod, rather wanton'd with me, in gentle inflictions on those tender 
trembling masses of my flesh behind, than in any way hurt them, till by 
degrees, he began to tingle them with smarter lashes, so as to provoke a red 
colour into them, which I knew, as well by the flagarant glow I felt there, 
as by his telling me, they now emulated the native roses of my other cheeks. 
When he had thus amus'd himself with admiring, and toying with them, he went 
on to strike harder, and more hard; so that I needed all my patience not to 
cry out, or complain at least. At last, he twigg'd me so smartly as to fetch 
blood in more than one lash: at sight of which he flung down the rod, flew 
to me, kissed away the starting drops, and sucking the wounds eased a good 
deal of my pain. But now raising me on my knees, and making me kneel with 
them straddling wide, that tender part of me, naturally the province of 
pleasure, not of pain, came in for its share of suffering: for now, eyeing 
it wistfully, he directed the rod so that the sharp ends of the twigs 
lighted there, so sensibly, that I could not help wincing, and writhing my 
limbs with smart; so that my contor-itons of body must necessarily throw it 
into infinite variety of postures and points of view, fit to feast the 
luxury of the eye. But still I bore every thing without crying out: when 
presently giving me another pause, he rush'd, as it were, on that part whose 
lips, and roundabout, had felt this cruelty, and by way of reparation, glews 
his own to them; then he opened, shut, squeez'd them, pluck'd softly the 
overgrowing moss, and all this in a style of wild passionate rapture and 
enthusiasm, that express'd excess of pleasure; till betaking himself to the 
rod again, encourag'd by my passiveness and infuriated with this strange 
taste of delight, he made my poor posteriours pay for the ungovernableness 
of it; for now showing them no quarter, the traitor cut me so, that I wanted 
but little of fainting away, when he gave over. And yet I did not utter one 
groan, or made any angry expostulation; but in heart I resolv'd nothing so 
seriously, as never to expose myself again to the like severities. 

You may guess then it what a curious pickle those soft flesh-cushions of 
mine were, all sore, raw, and in fine, terribly clawed off; but so far from 
feeling any pleasure in it, that the recent smart made me pout a little, and 
not with the greatest air of satisfaction receive the compliments, and 
after-caresses of the author of my pain. 

As soon as my cloaths were huddled on in a little decency, a supper was 
brought in by the discreet Mrs. Cole herself, which might have piqued the 
sensuality of a cardinal, accompanied with a choice of the richest wines: 
all which she set before us, and went out again, without having, by a word 
or even by a smile, given us the least interruption or confusion, in those 
moments of secrecy, that we were not yet ripe to the admission of a third 
to. 

I sat down then, still scarce in charity with my butcher, for such I could 
not help considering him, and was moreover not a little piqued at the gay 
satisfied air of his countenance, which I thought myself insulted by. But 
when the now necessary refreshment to me of a glass of wine, a little eating 
(all the time observing a profound silence) had somewhat cheer'd and 
restor'd me to spirits, and as the smart began to go off, my good humour 
return'd accordingly: which alteration not escaping him, he said and did 
every thing that could confirm me in, and indeed exalt it. 

But scarce was supper well over, before a change so incredible was wrought 
in me, such violent, yet pleasingly irksome sensations took possession of me 
that I scarce knew how to contain myself; the smart of the lashes was now 
converted into such a prickly heat, such fiery tinglings, as made me sigh, 
squeeze my thighs together, shift and wriggle about my seat, with a furious 
restlessness; whilst these itching ardours, thus excited in those parts on 
which the storm of discipline had principally fallen, detach'd legions of 
burnings, subtile, stimulating spirits, to their opposite spot and centre of 
assemblage, where their titillation rag'd so furiously, that I was even 
stinging mad with them. No wonder then, that in such a taking, and devour'd 
by flames that licked up all modesty and reserve, my eyes, now charg'd 
brimful of the most intense desire, fired on my companion very intelligible 
signals of distress: my companion, I say, who grew in them every instant 
more amiable, and more necessary to my urgent wishes and hopes of immediate 
ease. Mr. Barville, no stranger, by experience, to these situations, soon 
knew the pass I was brought to from my extreme disorder; in favour of which, 
removing the table out of the way, he began a prelude that flatter'd me with 
instant relief, to which I was not, however, so near as I imagin'd: for as 
he was unbuttoned to me, and tried to provoke and rouse to action his 
unactive torpid machine, he blushingly own'd that no good was to be expected 
from it, unless I took it in hand to reexcite it's languid loitering powers, 
by just refreshing the smart of the yet recent bloodraw cuts, seeing it 
could, no more than a boy's top, keep up without lashing. Sensible then that 
I should work so much for my own profit as his, I hurried my compliance with 
his desire, and abridging the ceremonial, whilst he lean'd his head against 
the back of a chair, I had scarce gently made feel the lash, before I saw 
the object of my wishes give signs of life, and presently, as it were with a 
magic touch, is started up into a noble size and distinction indeed! 
Hastening then to give me the benefit of it, he threw me down on the bench; 
but such was the refresh'd soreness of those parts behinds, on my leaning so 
hard on them, as became me to compass the admission of that stupendous head 
of his machine, that I could not possibly bear it. I got up then, and tried, 
by leaning forwards, and turning the crupper on my assailant, to let him at 
the back avenue: but here it was likewise impossible to stand his bearing so 
fiercely against me, in his agitations and endeavours to enter that way, 
whilst his belly battered directly against the recent sore. What should we 
do now? both intolerably heated, both in a fury; but pleasure is ever 
inventive for its own ends: he strips me in a trice, stark naked, and 
placing a broad settee-cushion on the carpet before the fire, oversets me 
gently, topsy-turvy, on it; and handling me only at the waist, whilst you 
may be sure I favour'd all my dispositions, brought my legs round his neck; 
so that my head was kept from the floor only by my hands and the velvet 
cushion, which was now bespread with my flowing hair: thus I stood on my 
head and hands, supported by him in such manner, that whilst my thighs clung 
round him, so as to expose to his sight all my back figure, including the 
theatre of his bloody pleasure, the centre of my fore part fairly bearded 
the object of its rage, that now stood in fine condition to give me 
satisfaction for the injuries of its neighbors. But as this posture was 
certainly not the easiest, and our imaginations, wound up to the height, 
could suffer no delay, he first, with the utmost eagerness and effort, just 
liplodg'd that broad acorn-fashion'd head of his instrument; and still 
friended by the fury with which he had made that impression, he soon stuffed 
in the rest; when now, with a pursuit of thrusts, fiercely urg'd, he 
absolutely overpower'd and absorb'd all sense of pain and uneasiness, 
whether from my wounds behind, my most untoward posture, or the oversize of 
his stretcher, in an infinitely predominant delight; when now all my whole 
spirits of life and sensation, rushing impetuously to the cockpit, where the 
prize of pleasure was hotly in dispute and clustering to a point there, I 
soon receiv'd the dear relief of nature from these overviolent strains and 
provocations of it; harmonizing with which, my gallant spouted into me such 
a potent overflow of the balsamic injection, as soften'd and unedg'd all 
those irritating stings of a new species of titillation, which I had been so 
intolerably madden'd with, and restor'd the ferment of my senses to some 
degree of composure. 

I had now achiev'd this rare adventure ultimately much more to my 
satisfaction than I had bespoken the nature of it to turn out; nor was it 
much lessen'd, you may think, by my spark's lavish praises of my constancy 
and complaisance, which he gave weight to be a present that greatly 
surpassed my utmost expectation, besides his gratification to Mrs. Cole. 

I was not, however, at any time, re-enticed to renew with him, or resort 
again to the violent expedient of lashing nature into more haste than good 
speed: which, by the way, I conceive acts somewhat in the manner of a dose 
of Spanish flies; with more pain perhaps, but less danger; and might be 
necessary to him, but was nothing less to than to me, whose appetite wanted 
the bridle more than the spur. 

Mrs. Cole, to whom this adventurous exploit had more and more endear'd me, 
looked on me now as a girl after her own heart, afraid of nothing, and, on a 
good account hardy enough to fight all the weapons of pleasure through. 
Attentive then, in consequence of these favourable conceptions, to promote 
either my profit or pleasure, she had special regard for the first, in a new 
gallant of a very singular turn, that she procur'd for and introduced to me. 

This was a grave staid, solemn, elderly gentleman, whose peculiar humour was 
a delight in combing fine tresses of hair; and as I was perfectly heated to 
his taste, he us'd to come constantly at my toilette hours, when I let down 
my hair as loose as nature, and abandon'd it to him to do what he pleased 
with it; and accordingly he would keep me an hour or more in play with it, 
drawing the comb through it, winding the curls round his fingers, even 
kissing it as he smooth'd it; and all this led to no other use of my person, 
or any other liberties whatever, any more than if a distinction of sexes had 
not existed. 

Another perculiarity of taste he had, which was to present me with a dozen 
pairs of the whitest kid gloves at a time: these he would divert himself 
with drawing on me, and then biting off the fingers ends; all which 
fooleries of a sickly appetite, the old gentleman paid more liberally for, 
than most other did for more essential favours. This lasted till a violent 
cough, seizing and laying him up, deliver'd me from this most innocent and 
insipid trifler, for I never heard more of him after his first retreat. 

You may be sure a by-jod of this sort interfer'd with no other pursuit, or 
plan of life; which I led, in truth, with a modesty and reserve that was 
less the work of virtue than of exhausted novelty, a glut of pleasure, and 
easy circumstances, that made me indifferent to any engagements in which 
pleasure and profit were not eminently united; and such I could, with the 
less impatience, wait for at the hands of time and fortune, as I was 
satisfy'd I could never mend my pennyworths, having evidently been serv'd at 
the top of market, and even been pamper'd with dainties: besides that, in 
the sacrifice of a few momentary impulses, I found a secret satisfaction in 
respecting myself, as well as preserving the life and freshness of my 
complexion. Louisa and Emily did not carry indeed their reserve so high as I 
did; but still they were far from cheap or abandon'd tho' two of their 
adventures seem'd to contradict this general character, which, for their 
singularity, I shall give you in course, beginning first with Emily's: 

Louisa and she went one night to a ball, the first in the habit of a 
shepherdess, Emily in that of a shepherd: I saw them in their dresses before 
they went, and nothing in nature could represent a prettier boy than this 
last did, being so fair and well limbed. They had kept together for some 
time, when Louisa, meeting an old acquaintance of hers, very cordially gives 
her companion the drop, and leaves her under the protection of her boy's 
habit, which was not much, and of her discretion, which was, it seems, still 
less. Emily, finding herself deserted, sauntered thoughtless about a-while, 
and, as much for coolness and air as any thing else, at length pull'd off 
her mask and went to the sideboard; where, eyed and mark'd out by a 
gentleman in a very handsome domino, she was accosted by, and fell into chat 
with him. The domino, after a little discourse, in which Emily doubtless 
distinguish'd her good nature and easiness more than her wit, began to make 
violent love to her, and drawing her insensibly to some benches at the lower 
end of the masquerade room, got her to sit by him, where he squeez'd her 
hands, pinch'd her cheeks, prais'd and played with her fine hair, admired 
her complexion, and all in a style of courtship dash'd with a certain 
oddity, that not comprehending the mystery of, poor Emily attributed to his 
falling in with the humour of her disguise; and being naturally not the 
cruellest of her profession, began to incline to a parley on those 
essentials. But here was the stress of the joke: he took her really for what 
she appear'd to be, a smock-fac'd boy; and she, forgetting her dress, and of 
course ranging quite wide of ideas, took all those address to be paid to 
herself as a woman, which she precisely owed to his not thinking her one. 
However, this double error was push'd to such a height on both sides, that 
Emily, who saw nothing in him but a gentleman of distinction by those points 
of dress to which his disguise did not extend, warmed too by the wine he had 
ply'd her with, and the caresses he had lavished upon her, suffered herself 
to be persuaded to go to a bagnio with him; and thus, losing sight of Mrs. 
Cole's cautions, with a blind confidence, put herself in to his hands, to be 
carried wherever he pleased. For his part, equally blinded by his wishes, 
whilst her gregious simplicity favored his deception more than the most 
exquisite art could have done, he supposed, no doubt, that he had lighted on 
some soft simpleton, fit for his purpose, or some kept minion broken to his 
hand, who understood him perfectly well, and enter'd into his designs. But, 
be that as it would, he led her to a coach went into it with her, and 
brought her to a very handsome apartment, with a bed in it, but whether it 
was a bagnio or not, she could not tell, having spoken to nobody but 
himself. But when they were alone together, and her enamorato began to 
proceed to those extremities which instantly discover the sex, she remark'd 
that no description could paint up to the life, the mixture of pique, 
confusion and disappointment, that appeared in his countenance, joined to 
the mournful exclamation: "By heavens, a woman!" This at once opened her 
eyes, which had hitherto been shut in downright stupidity. However, as if he 
had meant to retrieve that escape, he still continu'd to toy with and fondle 
her, but with so staring an alteration from extreme warmth into a chill and 
forced civility, that even Emily herself could not but take notice, of it 
and now began to wish she had paid more regard to Mrs. Cole's premonitions 
against ever engaging with a stranger. And now an excess of timidity 
succeeded to an excess of confidence, and she thought herself so much at his 
mercy and discretion, that she stood passive throughout the whole progress 
of his prelude: for now, whether the impressions of so great a beauty had 
even made him forgive her her sex, or whether her appearance of figure in 
that dress still humour'd his first illusion, he recover'd by degrees a good 
part of his first warmth, and keeping Emily with her breeches still 
unbuttoned, stript them down to her knees, and gently impelling her to lean 
down, with her face against the bedside, placed her so, that the double way, 
between the double rising behind, presented the choice fair to him, and he 
was so fairly set on a mis-direction, as to give the girl no small alarms 
for fear of losing a maidenhead she had not dreamt of. However, her 
complaints, and a resistance, gentle, but firm, check'd and brought him to 
himself again; so that turning his steed's head, he drove him a length in 
the right road, in which his imagination having probably made the most of 
those resemblances that flatter'd his taste, he got, with much ado, to his 
journey's end: after which, he led her out himself, and walking with her two 
or three streets length, got her a chair, when making her a present not 
anything inferior to what she could have expected, he left her, well 
recommended to the chairmen, who, on her directions, brought her home. 

This she related to Mrs. Cole and me the same morning, not without the 
visible remains of the fear and confusion she had been in, still stamp'd on 
her countenance. Mrs. Cole's remark was, that her indiscretion proceeding 
from a constitutional facility, there were little hopes of anything curing 
her of it, but repeated severe experience. Mine was, that I could not 
conceive how it was possible for mankind to run into a taste, not only 
universally odious, but absurd, and impossible to gratify; since, according 
to the notions and experience I had of things, it was not in nature to force 
such immense disproportions. Mrs. Cole only smil'd at my ignorance, and said 
nothing towards my undeception, which was not affected but by ocular 
demonstration, some months after, which a most singular accident furnish'd 
me, and which I will here set down, that I may not return again to so 
disagreeable a subject. 

I had, on a visit intended to Harriet, who had taken lodgings at 
Hampton-court, hired a chariot to go out thither, Mrs. Cole having promis'd 
to accompany me; but some indispensible business intervening to detain her, 
I was obliged to set out alone; and scarce had I got a third of my way, 
before the axle-tree broke down, and I was well off to get out, safe and 
unhurt, into a public-house of a tolerable handsome appearance, on the road. 
Here the people told me that the stage would come by in a couple of hours at 
farthest; upon which, determining to wait for it, sooner than lose the jaunt 
I had got so far forward on, I was carried into a very clean decent room, up 
one pair of stairs, which I took possession of for the time I had to stay, 
in right of calling for sufficient to do the house justice. 

Here, whilst I was amusing myself with looking out of the window, a single 
horse-chaise stopt at the door, out of which lightly leap'd two young 
gentlemen, for so they seem'd, who came in only as it were to bait and 
refresh as little, for they gave their horse to be held in readiness against 
they came out. And presently I heard the door of the next room, where they 
were let in, and call'd about them briskly; and as soon as they were serv'd, 
I could just hear that they shut and fastened the door on the inside. 

A spirit of curiosity, far from sudden, since I do not know when I was 
without it, prompted me, without any particular suspicion, or other drift or 
view, to see what they were, and examine their persons and behaviour. The 
partition of our rooms was one of those moveable ones that, when taken down, 
serv'd occasionally to lay them into one, for the conveniency of a large 
company; and now, my nicest search could not show me the shadow of a 
peep-hole, a circumstance which probably had not escap'd the review of the 
parties on the other side, whom much it stood upon not to be deceived in it; 
but at length I observed a paper patch of the same colour as the wainscot, 
which I took to conceal some flaw; but then it was so high, that I was 
obliged to stand upon a chair to reach it, which I did as softly as 
possibly, and, with a point of a bodkin, soon pierc'd it, and open'd myself 
espial room-sufficient. And now, applying my eye close, I commanded the room 
perfectly, and could see my two young sparks romping and pulling one another 
about, entirely, to my imagination, in frolic and innocent play. 

The eldest might be, on my nearest guess, towards nineteen, a tall comely 
young man, in a white fustian frock, with a green velvet cape, and a cut 
bob-wig. 

The youngest could not be above seventeen, fair, ruddy, compleatly well 
made, and to say the truth, a sweet pretty stripling: he was-I fancy too, a 
country lad, by his dress, which was a green plush frock, and breeches of 
the same, white waistcoat and stockings, a jockey cap, with his yellowish 
hair, long and loose, in natural curls. 

But after a look of circumspection, which I saw the eldest cast every way 
round the room, probably in too much hurry and heat not to overlook the very 
small opening I was posted at, especially at the height it was, whilst my 
eye close to it kept the light from shining through and betraying it, he 
said something to his companion that presently chang'd the face of things. 

For now the elder began to embrace, to press and kiss the younger, to put 
his hands in to his bosom, and give him such manifest signs of an amorous 
intention, as made me conclude the other to be a girl in disguise: a mistake 
that nature kept me in countenance for, for she had certainly made one, when 
she gave him the male stamp. 

In the rashness then of their age, and bent as they were to accomplish their 
project of preposterous pleasure, at the risk of the very worst of 
consequences, where a discovery was nothing less than improbable, they now 
proceeded to such lengths as soon satisfied me what they were. 

For presently the eldest unbutton'd the other's breeches and removing the 
linnen barrier, brought out to view a white shaft, middle-sized, and scarce 
fledg'd, when after handling and playing with it a little, with other 
dalliance, all receiv'd by the boy without other opposition than certain 
wayward coyness, ten times more alluring than repulsive, he got him to turn 
round, with his face from him, to a chair that stood hard by; when knowing, 
I suppose his office the Ganymede now obsequiously lean'd his head against 
the back of it, and projecting his body, made a fair mark, still covered 
with his shirt, as he thus stood in a side view to me, but fronting his 
companion, who presently unmasking his battery, produc'd an engine very fit 
to confirm me in my disbelief of the possibility of things being push'd to 
odious extriemities, which I had built on the disproportion of parts; but 
this disbelief I was now to be cured of, as by my consent all young men 
should likewise be, that, their innocence may not be betray'd into such 
snares, for want of knowing the extent of their danger: for nothing is more 
certain than that ignorance of a vice is by no means a guard against it. 

Slipping, then, aside the young lad's shirt, and tucking it up under his 
cloaths behind, he shewed to the open air those globular fleshy eminences 
that compose the Mount Pleasants of Rome, and which now, with all the narrow 
vale that intersects them, stood displayed and exposed to his attack; nor 
could I without a shudder behold the dispositions he made for it. First, 
then moistening well with spittle his instrument, obviously to make it glib, 
he pointed, he introduced it, as I could plainly discern, not only from its 
direction and my losing sight of it, but by the writhing, twisting and soft 
murmur'd complains of the young sufferer; but at length, the first straights 
of entrance being pretty well got throught, every thing seem'd to move and 
go pretty currently on, as on a carpet road, without much rub or resistance; 
and now, passing one hand round his minion's hips, he got hold of his 
red-topt ivory toy, that stood perfectly stiff, and shew, that if he was 
like his mother behind, he was like his father before; this he diverted 
himself with, whilst, with the other the wanton'd with his hair, and leaning 
forward over his back, drew his face, from which the boy shook the loose 
curls that fell over it, in the posture he stood him in, and brought him 
towards his, so as to receive a long-breathed kiss; after which, renewing 
his driving, and thus continuing to harass his rear, the height of the fit 
came on with its usual symptoms, and dismissed the action. 

All this, so criminal a scene, I had the patience to see to an end, purely 
that I might gather more facts and certainty against them in my design to do 
their deserts instant justice; accordingly, when they had re-adjusted 
themselves, and were preparing to go out, burning as I was with rage and 
indignation, I jump'd down from the chair, in order to raise the house upon 
them, but with such an unlucky impetuosity, that some nail or ruggedness in 
the floor caught my foot, and flung me on my face with such violence, that I 
fell senseless on the ground, and must have lain there some time e'er any 
one came to my relief: so that they, alarmed, I suppose, by the noise of my 
fall, had more than the necessary time to make a safe retreat. This they 
effected, as I learnt, with a precipitation nobody could account for, till, 
when come to myself, and compos'd enough to speak, I acquainted those of the 
house with the whole transaction I had been evidence to. 

When I came home again, and told Mrs. Cole this adventure, she very sensibly 
observ'd to me, that "there was no doubt of due vengeance one time or other 
overtaking these miscreants, however they might escape for the present; and 
that, had I been the temporal instrument of it, I should have been at least 
put to a great deal more trouble and confusion than I imagined; that, as to 
the thing itself, the less said of it was the better; but that though she 
might be suspected of partiality, from its being the common cause of 
woman-kind, out of whose mouths this practise tended to take something more 
than bread, yet she protested against any mixture of passion, with a 
declaration extorted from her by pure regard to truth; which was, " that 
whatever effect this infamous passion had in other ages and other countries, 
it seem'd a peculiar blessing on our air and climate, that there was a 
plague-spot visibly imprinted on all that are tainted with it, in this 
nation at least; for that among numbers of that stamp whom she had known, or 
at least were universally under the scandalous suspicion of it, she would 
not name an exception hardly of one of them, whose character was not, in all 
other respects, the most worthless and despicable that could be, stript of 
all the manly virtues of their own sex, and fill'd up with only the worst 
vices and follies of ours: that, in fine, they were scarce less execrable 
than ridiculous in their monstrous inconsistence, of loathing and condemning 
women, and all at the same time apeing their manners, airs, lips, skuttle, 
and, in general, all their little modes of affectation, which become them at 
least better, than they do these unsex'd, male-misses." 

But here, washing my hands of them, I re-plunge into the stream of my 
history, into which I may very properly ingraft a terrible sally of 
Louisa's, since I had some share in it myself, and have besides engag'd 
myself to relate it, in point of countenance to poor Emily. It will add, 
too, one more example to thousands, in confirmation of the maxim, that women 
get once out of compass, there are no lengths of licentiousness, that they 
are not capable of running. 

On morning then, that both Mrs. Cole and Emily were gone out for the day, 
and only Louisa and I (not to mention the house-maid) were left in charge of 
the house, whilst we were loitering away the time, in looking through the 
shop windows, the son of a poor woman, who earned very hard bread indeed by 
mending of stockings, in a stall in the neighbourhood, offer'd us some 
nosegays, rang'd round a small basket; by selling of which the poor boy eked 
out his mother's maintenance of them both: nor was he fit for any other way 
of livelihood, since he was not only a perfect changleing, or idiot, but 
stammer'd so that there wis no understanding even those sounds his 
half-dozen at most, animal ideas, prompted him to utter. 

The boys and servants in the neighbourhood had given him the nick-name of 
Good-natured Dick, from the soft simpleton's doing every thing he was bid at 
the first word, and from his naturally having not turn to mischief; then, by 
the way, he was perfectly well made, stout, clean-limb'd, tall of his age, 
as strong as a horse and, withal, pretty featur'd; so that he was not, 
absolutely, such a figure to be snuffed at neither, if your nicety could, in 
favour of such essentials, have dispens'd with a face unwashed, hair tangled 
for want of combing, and so ragged a plight, that he might have disputed 
points of show with e'er a heathen philosopher of them all. 

This boy we had often seen, and bought his flowers, out of pure compassion, 
and nothing more; but just at time as he stood presenting us his basket, a 
sudden whim, a start of wayward fancy, seiz'd Louisa; and, without 
consulting me, she calls him in, and beginning to examine his nosegays, 
culls out two, one for herself, another for me, and pulling out half a 
crown, very currently give it him to change, as if she had really expected 
he could have changed it: but the boy, scratching his head, made his signs 
explain his inability in place of words, which he could not, with all his 
struggling, articulate. 

Louisa, at this, says: "Well, my lad, come up stairs with me, and I will 
give you your due," winking at the same time to me, and beckoning me to 
accompany her, which I did, securing first the street-door, that by this 
means, together with the shop, became wholly the care of the faithful 
house-maid. 

As we went up, Louisa whispered me "that she had conceiv'd a strange longing 
to be satisfy'd, whether the general rule held good with regard to this 
changeling, and how far nature had made him amends, in her best bodily 
gifts, for her denial of the sublimer intellectual ones; begging, at the 
same time, my assistance in procuring her this satisfaction." A want of 
complaisance was never my vice, and I was so far from opposing this 
extravagant frolic, that now, bit with the same maggot, and my curiosity 
conspiring with hers, I enter'd plum into it, on my own account. 

Consequently, as soon as we came into Louisa's bedchamber, whist she was 
amusing him with picking out his nosegays, I undertook the lead, and began 
the attack. As it was not then very material to keep much measures with a 
mere natural, I made presently very free with him, though at my first motion 
of meddling, his surprise and confusion made him receive my advances but 
auk-wardly: nay, insomuch that he bashfully shy'd, and shy'd back a little; 
till encouraging him with my eyes, plucking him playfully by the hair, 
sleeking his cheeks, and forwarding my point by a number of little 
wantonness, I soon turn'd him familiar, and gave nature her sweetest alarm: 
so that arrouz'd, and beginning to feel himself, we could, amidst all the 
innocent laugh and grin I had provoked him into, perceive the lire lighting 
in his eyes, and, diffusing over his cheeks blend its glow with that of his 
blushes. The emotion is short of animal pleasure glar'd distinctly in the 
simpleton's countenance; yet, struck with the novelty of the scene, he did 
not know which way to look or move; but tame, passive, simpering, with his 
mouth half open in stupid rapture, stood and tractably suffer'd me to do 
what I pleased with him. His basket was dropt out of his hands, which Louisa 
took care of. 

I had now, through more than one rent, discovered and felt his thighs, the 
sink of which seemed the smoother and fairer for the coarseness, and even 
dirt of his dress, as the teeth of negroes seem the whiter for the 
surrounding black; and poor indeed of habit, poor of understanding, he was, 
however, abundantly rich in personal treasures, such as flesh, firm, plump, 
and replete with the juices of youth, and robust well-knit limbs. My fingers 
too had now got within reach of the true, the genuine sensitive plant, 
which, instead of shrinking from the touch, joys to meet it, and swells and 
vegetates under it: mine pleasingly informed me that matters were so ripe 
for the discovery we meditated that they were too mighty for the confinement 
they were ready to break. A waistband that I unskewer'd, and a rag of a 
shirt that I removed, and which could not have cover'd a quarter of it, 
revealed the whole of the idiot's standard of distinction, erect, in full 
pride and display: but such a one! it was positively of so tremendous a 
size, that prepared as we were to see something extraordinary, it still, out 
of measure, surpass'd our expectation, and astonish'd even me who had not 
been used to trade in trifles. In fine, it might have answered very well the 
making a show of; its enormous head seemed, in hue and size, not unlike a 
common sheep's heart; then you might have troll'd dice securely along the 
broad back of the body of it; the length of it too was prodigious; then the 
rich appendage of the treasure-bag beneath, large in proportion, gather'd 
and crisp'd up round in shallow furrows, helped to fill the eye, and 
complete the proof of his being a natural, not quite in vain; since it was 
full manifest that he inherited, and largely too, the prerogative of majesty 
which distinguishes that otherwise most unfortunate condition, and give rise 
to the vulgar saying "That a fool's bauble is a lady's playfellow." Not 
wholly without reason: for, generally speaking, it is in love as it is in 
war, where longest weapon carries it. Nature, in short, had done so much for 
him in those parts, that she perhaps held herself acquitted in doing so 
little for his head. 

For my part, who had sincerely no intention to push the joke further than 
simply satisfying my curiosity with the sight of it alone, I was content, in 
spite of the temptation that star'd me in the face, with having rais'd a 
May-pole for another to hand a garland on: for, by this time, easily reading 
Louisa's desires in her wishful eyes, I acted the commodious part and made 
her, who sought no better sport, significant terms of encouragement to go 
through with her adventure; intimating too that I would stay and see fair 
play: in which, indeed, I had in view to humour a new-born curiosity, to 
observe what appearance active nature would put on in a natural, in the 
course of this her darling operation. 

Louisa, whose appetite was up, and who, like the industrious bee, was, it 
seems, not above gathering the sweets of so rare a flower, tho' she found it 
planted on a dunghill, was but too readily disposed to take the benefit of 
my cession. Urg'd then strongly by her own desires, and embolden'd by me, 
she presently determined to risk a trial of parts with the idiot, who was by 
this time nobly inflam'd for her purpose, by all the irritations we had used 
to put the principles of pleasure effectually into motion, and to wind up 
the springs of its organ to their supreme pitch; and it stood accordingly 
stiff and straining, ready to burst with the blood and spirits that swelled 
it ... to a bulk! No! I shall never forget it. 

Louisa then, taking and holding the fine handle that so invitingly offer'd 
itself, led the ductile youth, by that master-tool of his, as she stept 
backward toward the bed; while he joyfully gave way under the incitations of 
instinct, and palpably deliver'd up to the goad of desire. 

Stopped then by the bed, she took the fall she lov'd, and lean'd to the 
most, gently backward upon it, still holding fast what she held, and taking 
care to give her cloaths a convenient toss up, so that her thighs duly 
disclos'd, and elevated, laid open all the outward prospects of the treasury 
of love: the rose-lipt overture presenting the cockpit so fair, that it was 
not in nature even for a natural to miss it. Nor did her: for Louisa, fully 
bent on grappling with it, and impatient of dalliance or delay, directed 
faithfully the point of the battering-piece, then bounded up with a rage of 
so voracious appetite, to meet and favour the thrust of insertion, that the 
fierce activity on both sides effected it with such pain of distention, that 
Louisa cry'd out violently, that she was hurt beyond bearing, that she was 
killed. But it was too late: the storm was up, and force was on her to give 
way to it; for now the man-machine, strongly work'd upon by the sensual 
passion, felt so manfully his advantages and superiority, felt withal the 
sting of pleasure so intolerable, that maddening with it, his joys began to 
assume a character of furiousness, which made me tremble for the too tender 
Louisa. He seemed, at this juncture, greater than himself; his countenance, 
before so void of meaning, or expression, now grew big with the importance 
of the act he was upon. In short, it was not now that he was to be play'd 
the fool with. But, what is pleasant enough, I myself was aw'd into a sort 
of respect for him, by the comely terrors his motions dress'd him in: for 
eyes shooting sparks of fire; his face glowing with ardours that gave 
another life to it; his teeth churning; his whole frame agitated with a 
raging ungovernable impetuosity: all sensibly betraying the formidable 
fierceness with which the genial instinct acted upon him. Butting then and 
goring all before him, and mad and wild like an over-driven steer, he 
ploughs up the tender furrow, all insensible to Louisa's complaints; nothing 
can stop, nothing can keep out a fury like his: with which, having once got 
its head in, its blind rage soon made way for the rest piercing, rending, 
and breaking open all obstruction. The torn, split, wounded girl cries, 
struggles, invokes me to her rescue, and endeavours to get from under the 
young savage, or shake him off, but alas! in vain: her breath might as socn 
have still'd, or stemm'd a storm in winter, as all her strength have quell'd 
his rough assault, or put him out of his course. And indeed, all her efforts 
and struggles were manag'd with such disorder, that they serv'd rather to 
entangle, and fold her the faster in the twine of his boisterous arms; so 
that she was tied to the stake, and oblig'd to fight the match out, if she 
died for it. For his part, instinct-ridden as he was, the expressions of his 
animal passion, partaking something of ferocity, were rather worrying than 
kisses, intermix'd with eager ravenous love-bites on her cheeks and neck, 
the prints of which did not wear out for some days after. 

Poor Louisa, however, bore up at length better than could have been 
expected; and though she suffer'd, and greatly too, yet, ever true to the 
good old cause, she suffer'd with pleasure and enjoyed her pain. And soon 
now, by dint of an enrag'd enforcement, the brute-machine, driven like a 
whirl-wind, made all smoke again, and wedging its way up, to the utmost 
extremity, left her, in point of penetration, nothing to fear or to desire: 
and now, "Gorg'd with the dearest morsel of the earth," 

(Shakespeare.) Louisa lay, pleas'd to the heart, pleas'd to her utmost 
capacity of being so, with every fibre in those parts, stretched almost to 
breaking, on a rack of joy, whilst the instrument of all this overfulness 
searched her senses with its sweet excess, till the pleasure gained upon her 
so, its point stung her so home, that catching at length the rage from her 
furious driver and sharing the riot of his wild rapture, she went wholly out 
of her mind into that favourite part of her body, the whole intenseness of 
which was so fervously fill'd, and employ'd: there alone she existed, all 
lost in those delirious transports, those extasies of the senses, which her 
winking eyes, the brighten'd vermilion of her lips and cheeks, and sighs of 
pleasure deeply fetched, so pathetically express'd. In short, she was now as 
mere a machine as much wrought on, and had her motions as little at her own 
command, as the natural himself, who, thus broke in upon her, made her feel 
with a vengeance his tempestuous tenderness, and the force of the mettle he 
battered with; their active loins quivered again with the violence of their 
conflict, till the surge of pleasure, foaming and raging to a height, drew 
down the pearly shower that was, to allay this hurricane. The purely 
sensitive idiot then first shed those tears of joy that attend its last 
moments, not without an agony of delight, and even almost a roar of rapture, 
as the gush escaped him; so sensibly too for Louisa, that she kept him 
faithful company, going off, in consent, with the old symptoms: a delicious 
delirium, a tremulous convulsive shudder, and the critical dying: Oh! And 
now, on his getting off, she lay pleasure-drench'd, and re-gorging its 
essential sweets; but quite spent, and gasping for breath, without other 
sensation of life than in those exquisite vibrations that trembled yet on 
the strings of delight, which had been too intensively touched, and which 
nature had been so intensly stirred with, for the senses to be quickly at 
peace from. 

As the changeling whose curious engine had been thus successfully played 
off, his shift of countenance and gesture had even something droll, or 
rather tragicomic in it: there was now an air of sad repining foolishness, 
superadded to his natural one of no-meaning and idiotism, as he stood with 
his label of manhood, now lank, unstiffen'd, becalm'd, and flapping against 
his thighs, down which it reach'd half way, terrible even in its fall, 
whilst under the dejection of spirit and flesh, which naturally followed, 
his eyes, by turns, cast down towards his struck standard, or piteously 
lifted to Louisa, seemed to require at her hands what he had so sensibly 
parted from to her, and now ruefully miss'd. But the vigour of nature, soon 
returning, dissipated the blast of faintness which the common law of 
enjoyment had subjected him to; and now his basket re-became his main 
concern, which I look'd for, and brought him, whilst Louisa restor'd his 
dress to its usual condition, and afterwards pleased him perhaps more by 
taking all his flowers off his hands, and paying him, at his rate for them, 
than if she had embarrass'd him by a present, that he would have been 
puzzled to account for, and might have put others on tracing the motives of. 

Whether she ever return'd to the attack I know not, and, to say the truth, I 
believe not. She had had her freak out, and had pretty plentifully drown'd 
her curiosity in a glut of pleasure, which, as it happened, had no other 
consequence than that the lad, who retain'd only a confused memory of the 
transaction, would, when he saw her, for some time after, express a grin of 
joy and, familiarity, after his idiot manner, and soon forgot her in favour 
of the next woman, tempted, on the report of his parts, to take him in. 

Louisa herself did not long outstay this adventure at Mrs. Cole's (to whom 
by the bye, we took care not to boast of our exploit, till all fear of 
consequences were clearly over: for an occasion presenting itself of proving 
her passion for a young fellow, at the expense of her discretion, proceeding 
all in character, she pack'd up her toilet, at half a day's warning, and 
went with him abroad, since which I entirely lost sight of her, and it never 
fell in my way to hear what became of her. 

But a few days after she had left us, two very pretty young gentlemen, who 
were Mrs. Cole's especial favourites, and free of her academy, easily 
obtain'd her consent for Emily's and my acceptance of a party of pleasure, 
at a little but agreeable house, belonging to one of them situated not far 
up the river Thames, on the Surry side. 

Every thing being settled, and it being a fine summer-day, but rather of the 
warmest, we set out after dinner, and got to our rendezvous about four in 
the afternoon; where, landing at the foot of a neat, joyous pavilion, Emily 
and I were handed into it by our 'squires, and there drank tea with a 
cheerfulness and gaiety, that the beauty of the prospect, the serenity of 
the weather, and the tender politeness of our sprightly gallants, naturally 
led us into. 

After tea, and taking a turn in the garden, my particular, who was the 
master of the house, and had in no sense schem'd this party of pleasure for 
a dry one, propos'd to us, with that frankness which his familiarity at Mrs. 
Cole's entitled him to, as the weather was excessively hot, to bathe 
together, under a commodious shelter that he had prepared expressly for that 
purpose, in a creek of the river, with which a side-door of the pavilion 
immediately communicated, and where we might be sure of having our diversion 
out, safe from interruption, and with the utmost privacy. 

Emily, who never refus'd anything, and I, who ever delighted in bathing, and 
had no exception to the person who propos'd it, or to those pleasures is was 
easy to guess it implied, took care, on this occasion, not the wrong our 
training at Mrs. Cole's, and agreed to it with as good a grace as we could. 
Upon which, without loss of time, we return'd instantly to the pavilion, one 
door of which open'd into a tent, pitch'd before it, that with its marquise, 
formed a pleasing defense against the sun, or the weather, and was besides 
as private as we could wish. The lining of it, imbost cloth, represented a 
wild, forest-foliage, from the top, down to the sides, which in the same 
stuff, were figur'd with fluted pilasters, with their spaces between fill'd 
with flower-vases, the whole having a gay effect upon the eye, wherever you 
turn'd it. 

Then it reached sufficiently into the water, yet con-tain'd convenient 
benches round it, on the dry ground, either to keep our cloaths or ... , or 
... , in short for more uses than resting upon. There was a side-table too, 
loaded with sweetmeats, jellies, and other eatables, and bottles of wine and 
cordials, by way of occasional relief from any rawness, or chill of the 
water, or from any faintness from whatever cause; and in fact, my gallant, 
who understood chere entiere perfectly, and who, for taste (even if you 
would not approve this specimen of it) might have been comptroller of 
pleasures to a Roman emperor, had left no requisite towards convenience or 
luxury unprovided. 

As soon as we had look'd round this inviting spot, and every preliminary of 
privacy was duly settled, strip was the word: when the young gentlemen soon 
dispatch'd the undressing each his partner and reduced us to the naked 
confession of all those secrets of person which dress generally hides, and 
which the discovery of was, naturally speaking, not to our disadvantage. Our 
hands, indeed, mechanically carried towards the most interesting part of us, 
skreened, at first, all from the tufted cliff downdards, till we took them 
away at their desire, and employed them in doing them the same office, of 
helping off with their cloaths; in the process of which, there pass'd all 
the little wantonnesses and frolicks that you may easily imagine. 

As for my spark, he was presently undressed, all to his shirt, the 
fore-lappet of which as he lean'd languishingly on me, he smillingly pointed 
to me to observe, as it bellied out, or rose and fell, according to the 
unruly starts of the motion behind it; but it was soon fix'd, for now taking 
off his shirt, and naked as a Cupid, he shew'd it me at so upright a stand, 
as prepar'd me indeed for his application to me for instant ease; but, tho' 
the sight of its fine size was fit enough to fire me, the cooling air, as I 
stood in this state of nature, join'd to the desire I had of bathing first, 
enabled me to put him off, and tranquilize him, with the remark that a 
little suspense would only set a keener edge on the pleasure. Leading then 
the way, and shewing our friends an example of continency, which they were 
giving signs of losing respect to, we went hand in hand into the stream, 
till it took us up to our neck, where the no more than grateful coolness of 
the water gave my senses a delicious refreshment from the sultriness of the 
season, and made more alive, more happy in myself, and, in course, more 
alert, and open to voluptuous impressions. 

Here I lav'd and wanton'd with the water or sportively play'd with my 
companion, leaving Emily to deal with hers at discretion. Mine, at length, 
not content with making me take the plunge over head and ears, kept 
splashing me, and provoking me with all the little playful tricks he could 
devise, and which I strove not to remain in his debt for. We gave, in short, 
a loose to mirth; and now, nothing would serve him but giving his hands the 
regale of going over every part of me, neck, breast, belly, thighs, and all 
the et cetera, so dear to the imagination, under the pretext of washing and 
rubbing them; as we both stood in the water, no higher now than the pit of 
our stomachs, and which did not hinder him from feeling, and toying with 
that leak that distinguishes our sex, and it so wonderfully water-tight: for 
his fingers, in vain dilating, and opening it, only let more flame than 
water into it, be it said without a figure. At the same time he made me feel 
his own engine, which was so well wound up, as to stand even the working in 
water, and he accordingly threw one arm round my neck, and was endeavouring 
to get the better of that harsher construction bred by the surrounding 
fluid; and had in effect won his way so far as to make me sensible of the 
pleasing stretch of those nether-lips from the in-driving machine; when, 
independent of my not liking that aukward mode of enjoyment, I could not 
help interrupting him, in order to become joint spectators of a plan of joy, 
in hot operation between Emily and her partner, who impatient of the 
fooleries and dalliance of the bath, had led his nymph to one of the benches 
on the green bank, where he was very cordially proceeding to teach her the 
difference between jest and earnest. 

There, setting her on his knee, and gliding one hand over the surface of 
that smooth polish'd snow-white skin of hers, which now doubly shone with a 
dew-bright lustre, and presented to the touch something like what one would 
imagine of animated ivory, especially in those ruby-nippled globes, which 
the touch is so fond of and delights to make love to, with the other he was 
lusciously exploring the sweet secret of nature, in order to make room for a 
stately piece of machinery, that stood up-rear'd, between her thighs, as she 
continued sitting on his lap, and pressed hard for instant admission, which 
the tender Emily, in a fit of humour deliciously protracted, affecting to 
decline, and elude the very pleasure she sigh'd for, but in a style of 
waywardness so prettily put on, and managed, as to render it ten times more 
poignant; than her eyes, all amidst the softest dying languishment, 
express'd at once a mock denial and extreme desire, whilst her swetness was 
zested with a coyness so pleasingly provoking, her moods of keeping him off 
were so attractive, that they redoubled the impetuous rage with which he 
cover'd her with kisses: and kisses that, whilst she seemed to shy from of 
scuffle for the cunning wanton contrived such sly returns of, as were 
doubtless the sweeter for the gust she gave them, of being stolen ravished. 

Thus Emily, who knew no art but that which nature itself, in favour of her 
principal end, pleasure, had inspir'd her with, the art of yielding, coy'd 
it indeed, but coy'd it to the purpose; for with all her straining, her 
wresting, and striving to break from the clasp of his arms, she was so far 
wiser yet than to mean it, that in her struggles, it was visible she aim'd 
at nothing more than multiplying points of touch with him, and drawing yet 
closer the folds that held them every where entwined, like two tendrils of a 
vine intercurling together; so that the same effect, as when Louisa strove 
in good earnest to disengage from the idiot, was now produced by different 
motives. 

Mean while, their emersion out of the cold water had caused a general glow, 
a tender suffusion of heighten'd carnation over their bodies; both equally 
white and smooth-skinned; so that their limbs were thus amorously 
interwoven, in sweet confusion, it was scarce possible to distinguish who 
they respectively belonged to, but for the brawnier, bolder muscles of the 
stronger sex. 

In a little time, however, the champion was fairly in with her, and had tied 
at all points the true lover's knot; when now, adieu all the little 
refinements of a finessed reluctance; adieu the friendly feint! She was 
presently driven forcibly out of the power of using any art; and indeed, 
what art must not give way, when nature, corresponding with her assailant, 
invaded in the heart of her capital and carried by storm, lay at the mercy 
of the proud conqueror, who had made his entry triumphantly and completely? 
Soon, however, to become a tributary: for the engagement growing hotter and 
hotter, at close quarters, she presently brought him to the pass of paying 
down the dear debt to nature; which she had no sooner collected in, but, 
like a duelist who has laid his antagonist at his feet, when he has himself 
received a mortal wound, Emily had scarce time to plume herself upon her 
victory, but, shot with the same discharge, she, in a loud expiring sigh, in 
the closure of her eyes, the stretch-out of her limbs and a remission of her 
whole frame, gave manifest signs that all was as it should be. 

For my part, who had not with the calmest patience stood in the water all 
this time, to view this warm action. I lean'd tenderly on my gallant, and at 
the close of it, seem'd to ask him with my eyes what he thought of it; but 
he, more eager to satisfy me by his actions than by words or looks, as we 
shoal'd the water towards the shore, shewed me the staff of love so 
intensely set up, that had not even charity beginning at home in this case, 
urged me to our mutual relief, it would have been cruel indeed to have 
suffered the youth to burst with straining, when the remedy was so obvious 
and so near at hand. 

Accordingly we took to a bench, whilst Emily and her spark, who belonged it 
seems to the sea, stood at the sideboard, drinking to our good voyage: with 
a fair wind up channel, and full-freighted; nor indeed were we long before 
we finished our trip to Cythera, and unloaded in the old haven; but, as the 
circumstances did not admit of much variation, I shall spare you the 
description. 

At the same time, allow me to place you here an excuse I am conscious of 
owing you, for having, perhaps, too much affected the figurative style; 
through surely, it can pass nowhere more allowably than in a subject which 
is so properly the province of poetry, nay, is poetry itself, pregnant with 
every flower of imagination and loving metaphors, even were not the natural 
expressions, for respects of fashion and sound, necessarily forbid it. 

Resuming now my history, you may please to know, that what with a competent 
number of repetitions, all in the same strain (and by the bye, we have a 
certain natural sense that those repetitions are very much to the taste, 
what with a circle of pleasures delicately varied, there was not a moment 
lost to joy all the time we staid there, till late in the night we were 
re-escorted home by our 'squire who delivered us safe to Mrs. Cole, with 
generous thanks for our company. 

This too was Emily's last adventure in our way: for scarce a week after, she 
was, by an accident too trivial to detail to you the particulars, found out 
by her parents, who were in good circumstances, and who had been punish'd 
for their partiality to their son, in the loss of him, occasion'd by a 
circumstance of their over-indulgence to his appetite, upon which the so 
long engross'd stream of fondness, running violently in favour of this lost 
and inhumanly abondon'd child whom if they had not neglected enquiry about, 
they might long before have recovered, they were now so overjoyed at the 
retrieval of her, that, I presume, it made them less strict in examining the 
bottom of things: for they seem'd very glad to take for granted, in the 
lump, every thing that the grave and decent Mrs. Cole was pleased to pass 
upon them; and soon afterwards sent her, from the country, a handsome 
acknowledgement. 

But it was not so easy to replace to our community the loss of so sweet a 
member of it: for, not to mention her beauty, she was one of those mild, 
pliant characters, that if one does not entirely esteem, one can scarce help 
loving, which is not such a bad compensation neither. Owing all her weakness 
to good-nature, and an indolent facility that kept her too much at the mercy 
of first impressions, she had just sense enough to knew that she wanted 
leadingstrings, and thought herself so much obliged to any who would take 
the pains to think for her, and guide her, that with a very little 
management, she was capable of being made a most agreeable, nay, a most 
virtuous wife: for vice, it is probable, had never been her choice, or her 
fate, if it had not been for occasion, or example, or had she not depended 
less upon herself than upon her circumstances. This presumption her conduct 
afterwards verified: for presently meeting with a match that was ready cut 
and dry for her, with a neighbour's son of her own rank, and a young man of 
sense and order, who took her as the widow of one lost at sea (for so it 
seems one of her gallants, whose name she had made free with, really was), 
she naturally struck into all the duties of their domestic life, with as 
much simplicity of affection, with as much constancy and regularity, as if 
she had never swerv'd from a state of undebauch'd innocence and youth. 

These desertions had, however, now so far thinned Mrs. Cole's cluck, that 
she was left with only me, like a hen with one chicken; but tho' she was 
earnestly entreated and encourag'd to recruit her corps, her growing 
infirmities, and, above all, the tortures of a stubborn hip-gout, which she 
found would yield to no remedy, determin'd her to break up her business, and 
retire with a decent pittance into the country, where I promis'd myself 
nothing so sure, as my going down to live with her, as soon as I had seen a 
little more of life, and improv'd my small matters into a competency that 
would create in me an independence on the world: for I was, now, thanks to 
Mrs. Cole, wise enough to keep that essential in view. 

Thus was I then to lose my faithful preceptress, as did the Philosophers of 
the town the White Crow of her profession. For besides that she never 
ransacked her customers, whose taste too she ever studiously consulted, 
besides that she never racked her pupils with unconscionable extortions, nor 
ever put their hard earning, as she call'd them, under the contribution of 
poundage, she was a severe enemy to the seduction for innocence, and 
con-fin'd her acquisitions solely to those unfortunate young women, who, 
having lost it, were but the juster objects of compassion: among these, 
indeed, she pick'd but such as suited her views and taking them under her 
protection, rescu'd fhc-m from the danger of the public sink of ruin and 
misery, to place, or for them, well or ill, in the manner you have seen. 
Having then settled her affairs, she set out on her journey, after taking 
the most tender leave of me, and at the end of some excellent instructions, 
recommending me to myself, with an anxiety perfectly maternal. In short, she 
affected me so much, that I was not presently reconcil'd to my self for 
suffering her at any rate to go without me; but fate had, it seems, other 
wise dispos'd of me. 

I had, on my separation from Mrs. Cole, taken a pleasant convenient house at 
Marybone, but easy to rent and manage from its smallness, which I furnish'd 
neatly and modestly. There, with a reserve of eight hundred pounds, the 
fruit of my deference to Mrs. Cole's counsels, exclusive of cloaths, some 
jewels, some plate, I saw myself in purse for a long time, to wait without 
impatience for what the chapter of accidents might produce in my favour. 

Here, under the new character of a young, gentlewoman, whose husband was 
gone to sea, I had mark'd me out such lines of life and conduct, as leaving 
me at a competent liberty to pursue my views either out of pleasure or 
fortune, bounded me nevertheless strickly within the rules of decency and 
discretion: a disposition, in which you cannot escape observing a true pupil 
of Mrs. Cole. 

I was scarce, however, well warm in my new abode, when going out one morning 
pretty early to enjoy the freshness of it, in the pleasing outlet of the 
fields, accompanied only by a maid, whom I had newly hired, as we were 
carelessly walking among the trees, we were alarmed with the noise of a 
violent coughing: turning our heads towards which, we distinguish'd a plain 
well-dressed elderly gentleman, who, attack'd with a sudden fit, was so much 
overcome, as to bo forc'd to give way to it and sit down at the foot of a 
tree, where he seemed sufforat ing with the severity of it, being perfectly 
black in the face: not less mov'd than frighten'd with which, I flew on the 
instant to his relief, and using the rite of practice I had observ'd on the 
like occasion, I loosened his cravat and clapped him on the back: but 
whether to any purpose, or whether the cough had had its course, I know not, 
but the fit immediately went off; and now recover'd to his speech and legs, 
he returned me thanks with as much emphasis as if I had sav'd his life. This 
naturally engaging a conversation, he acquainted me where he lived, which 
was at a considerable distance from where I met with him, and where he had 
stray'd insensibly on the same intention of a morning walk. 

He was, as I afterwards learn'd in the course of the intimacy which this 
little accident gave birth to, an old bachelor, turn'd of sixty, but of a 
fresh vigorous complexion (insomuch that he scarce marked five and forty, 
having never rack'd his constitution by permitting his desires to overtax 
his ability. 

As to his birth and condition, his parents, honest and fail'd mechanics, 
had, by the best traces he could get of them, left him an infant orphan on 
the parish; so that it was from a charity-school, that, by honesty and 
industry, he made his way into a merchant's compting house; from whence, 
being sent to a house in Cadiz, he there, by his talents and activity, 
acquired a fortune, but an immense one, with which he returned to his native 
country; where he could not, however, so much as fish out one single 
relation out of the obscurity he was born in. Taking then a taste for 
retirement, and pleas'd to enjoy life, like a mistress in the dark, he 
flowed his days in all the ease of opulence, without the least parade of it; 
and rather studying the concealment than the show of a fortune, looked down 
on a world he perfectly knew; himself, to his wish, unknown and unmarked by. 

But, as I propose to devote a letter entirely to the pleasure of retracing 
to you all the particulars of my acquaintance with this ever, to me, 
memorable friend, I shall, in this, transiently touch on no more than may 
serve, as mortar, to cement, of form the connection of my history, and to 
obviate your surprize that one of my high blood and relish of life, should 
count a gallant of threescore such a catch. 

Referring then to a more explicit narrative, to explain by what progressions 
our acquaintance, certainly innocent at first, insensibly changed nature, 
and run into unplatonic lengths, as might well be expected from one of my 
condition of life, and above all, from that principle of electricity that 
scarce ever fails of producing fire when the sexes meet. I shall only here 
acquaint you, that as age had not subdued his tenderness for our sex, 
neither had it robbed him of the power of pleasing, since whatever he wanted 
in the bewitching charms of youth, he aton'd for, or supplemented with the 
advantages of experience, the sweetness of his manners, and above all, his 
flattering address in touching the heart, by an application to the 
understanding. From him it was I first learn'd, to any purpose, and-not 
without infinite pleasure, that I had such a portion of me worth bestowing 
some regard in; from him I received my first essential encouragement, and 
instructions how to' put it in that train of cultivation, which I have since 
pushed to the little degree of improvement you see it at; he it was, who 
first taught me to be sensible that the pleasures of the mind were superior 
to those of the body; at the same time, that they were so far from obnoxious 
to, or incompatible with each other, that, besides the sweetness in the 
variety and transition, the one serv'd to exalt and perfect the taste of the 
other, to a degree that the senses alone can never arrive at. 

Himself a rational pleasurist, as being much too wise to be asham'd of the 
pleasures of humanity, loved me indeed, but loved me with dignity; in a mean 
equally remov'd from the sourness, of forwardness, by which age is 
unpleasingly characterized, and from that childish silly dotage that so 
often disgraces it, and which he himself used to turn into ridicule, and 
compare to an old goat affecting the frisk of a young kid. 

In short, every thing that is generally unamiable in his season of life, 
was, in him, repair'd by so many advantages, that he existed a proof, 
manifest at least to me, that it is not out of the power of age to please, 
if it lays out to please, and if, making just allowances, those in that 
class do not forget, that it must cost them more pains and attention, than 
what youth, the natural spring-time of joy, stands in need of: as fruits out 
of season require proportionably more skill and cultivation, to force them. 

With this gentleman then, who took me home soon after our acquaintance 
commenc'd, I lived near eight months; in which time, my constant 
complaisance and docility, my attention to deserve his confidence and love, 
and a conduct, in general, devoid of the least art and founded on my sincere 
regard and esteem for him, won and attach'd him so firmly to me, that, after 
having generously trusted me with a genteel, independent settlement, 
proceeding to heap marks of affection on me, he appointed me, by an 
authentic will, his sole heiress and executrix: a disposition which he did 
not outlive two months, being taken from me by a violent cold that he 
contracted, as he unadvisedly ran to the window, on an alarm of fire, at 
some streets distance, and stood there naked-breasted, and exposed to the 
fatal impressions of a damp night-air. 

After acquitting myself of my duty towards my deceas'd benefactor, and 
paying him a tribute of un-feign'd sorrow, which a little time chang'd into 
a most tender, grateful memory of him, that I shall ever retain, I grew 
somewhat comforted by the prospect that now cpen'd to me, if not of 
happiness at least of affluence and independence. 

I saw myself then in the full bloom and pride of youth (for I was not yet 
nineteen) acutally at the head of so large a fortune, as it would have been 
even the heighth of impudence in me to have raised my wishes, much more my 
hopes, to; and that this unexpected elevation did not turn my head, I ow'd 
to the pains my benefactor had taken to form and prepare me for it, as I 
ow'd his opinoin of my management of the vast possessions he left me, to 
what he had observ'd of the prudential economy I had learned under Mrs. 
Cole, of which the reserve he saw I had made, was a proof and encouragement 
to him. 

But, alas! how easily is the enjoyment of the greatest sweets in life, in 
present possession, poisoned by the regret of an absent one! my regret was a 
mighty and just one, since it had my only truly beloved Charles for its 
object. 

Given him up I had, indeed, compleatly, having never once heard from him 
since our separation; which, as I found afterwards, had been my misfortune, 
and not his neglect, for he wrote me several letters which had all 
miscarried; but forgotten him I never had. And amidst, all my personal 
infidelities, not one had made a pin's point impression on a heart 
impenetrable to the true love-passion, but for him. 

As soon, however, as I was mistress of his unexpected fortune, I felt more 
than ever how dear he was to me, from its insufficiency to make me happy, 
whilst he was not to share it with me. My earliest care, consequently, was 
to endeavour at getting some account of him; but all my researches produc'd 
me no more light, than that his father had been dead for some time, not so 
well as even with the world; and that Charles had reached his port of 
destination in the South-Seas, where, finding the estate he was sent to 
recover, dwindled to a trifle, by the loss of two ships in which the bulk of 
his uncle's fortune lay, he was come away with the small remainder, and 
might, perhaps, according to the best advice, in a few months return to 
England, from whence he had, at the time of this my inquiry, been absent two 
years and seven months. A little eternity in love! 

You cannot conceive with what joy I embraced the hopes thus given me of 
seeing the delight of my heart again. But, as the term of months was 
assigned it, in order to divert and amuse my. impatience for his return, 
atfer setting my affairs with much ease and security, I set out on a journey 
for Lancashire, with an equipage suitable to my fortune, and with a design 
purely to revisit my place of nativity, for which I could not help retaining 
a great tenderness; and might naturally not be sorry to show myself there, 
to the advantage I was now in pass to do, after the report Esther Davis had 
spread of my being spirited away to the plantations; for on no other 
supposition could could she account for the suppression of myself to her, 
since her leaving me so abruptly at the inn. Another favourite intention I 
had, to look out for my relations, though I had none besides distant ones, 
and prove a benefactress to them. Then Mrs. Cole's place of retirement lying 
in my way, was not amongst the least of the pleasures I had proposed to 
myself in this expedition. 

I had taken nobody with me but a discreet decent woman, to figure it as my 
companion, besides my servants, and was scarce got into an inn, about twenty 
miles from London, where I was to sup and pass the night, when such a storm 
of wind and rain sprang up, as made me congratulate myself on having got 
under shelter before it began. 

This had continu'd a good half hour, when bethinking me of some directions 
to be given to the coachman, I sent for him, and not caring that his shoes 
should soil the very clean parlour, in which the cloth was laid, I stept 
into the hall-kitchen, where he was, and where, whilst I was talking to him, 
I slantingly observ'd two horsemen driven in by the weather, and both 
wringing wet; one of whom was asking if they could not be assisted with a 
change, while their clothes were dried. But, heavens! who can express what I 
felt at the sound of a voice, ever present to my heart, and that it now 
rebounded at! or when pointing my eyes towards the person it came from, they 
confirm'd its information, in spite of so long an absence, and of a dress 
one would have imagin'd studied for a disguise: a horseman's great coat, 
with a stand-up cape, and his hat flapp'd ... but what could escape the 
piercing alertness of a sense surely guided by love? A transport then like 
mine was above all consideration, or schemes of surprize; and I, that 
instant, with the rapidity of the emotions that I felt the spur of, shot 
into his arms, crying out, as I threw mine round his neck: "My life! ... my 
soul! ... my Charles" and without further power of speech swoon'd away, 
under the pressing agitations of joy and surprise. 

Recover'd out of my entrancement, I found myself in my charmer's arms, but 
in the parlour, surrounded by a croud which this event had gather'd round 
us, and which immediately, on a signal from the discreet landlady, who 
currently took him for my husband, clear'd the room, and desirably left us 
alone to the raptures of this reunion; my joy at which had like to have 
prov'd, at the expense of my life, power superior to that of grief at our 
fatal separation. 

The first object then, that my eyes open'd on, was their supreme idol, and 
my supreme wish, Charles, on one knee, holding me fast by the hand and 
gazing on me with a transport of fondness. Observing my recovery, he 
attempted to speak, and give vent to his patience of hearing my voice again, 
to satisfy him once more that it was me; but the mightiness and suddenness 
of the surprize continuing to stun him, choaked his utterance: he could only 
stammer out a few broken, half formed, faultering accents, which my ears 
greedily drinking in, spelt, and put together, so as to make out their 
sense: "After so long! ... so cruel ... an absence! ... my dearest Fanny! 
... can it? ... can it be you?...." stifling me at the same time with 
kisses, that, stopping my mouth, at once prevented the answer that he panted 
for, and increas'd the delicious disorder in which all my senses were 
rapturiously lost. Amidst however, this croud of ideas, and all blissful 
ones, there obtruded only one cruel doubt, that poison'd nearly all the 
transcendent happiness: and what was it, but my dread of its being too 
excessive to be real? I trembled now with the fear of its being no more than 
a dream, and of my waking out of it into the horrors of finding it one. 
Under this fond apprehension, imagining I could not make too much of the 
present prodigious joy, before it should vanish and leave me in the desert 
again, nor verify its reality too strongly, I clung to him, I clasp'd him, 
as if to hinder him from escaping me again: "Where have you been? ... how 
could you ... could you leave me? ... Say you are still mine ... that you 
still love me ... and thus! thus!" (kissing him as if I would consolidate 
lips with him!) "I forgive you ... forgive my hard fortune in favour of this 
restoration." 

All these interjections breaking from me, in that wildness of expression 
that justly passes for eloquence in love, drew from him all the returns my 
fond heart could wish or require. Our caresses, our questions, our answers, 
for some time observ'd no order; all crossing, or interrupting one another 
in sweet confusion, whilst we exchang'd hearts at our eyes, and renew'd the 
ratifications of a love unbated by time or absence: not a breath, not a 
motion, not a gesture on either side, but what was strongly impressed with 
it. Our hands, lock'd in each other, repeated the most passionate squeezes, 
so that their fiery thrill went to the heart again. 

Thus absorbt, and concenter'd in this unutterable delight, I had not 
attended to the sweet author of it, being thoroughly wet, and in danger of 
catching cold; when, in good time, the landlady, whom the appearance of my 
equipage (which, by the bye, Charles knew nothing of) had gain'd me an 
interest in, for me and mine, interrupted us by bringing in a decent shift 
of linnen and cloaths, which now, somewhat recover'd into a calmer composure 
by the coming in of a third person, I prest him to take the benefit of, with 
a tender concern and anxiety that made me tremble for his health. 

The landlady leaving us again, he proceeded to shift; in the act of which, 
tho' he proceeded with all that modesty which became these first solemner 
instants of our re-meeting, after so long an absence, I could not contain 
certain snatches of my eyes, lur'd by the dazzling discoveries of his naked 
skin, that escaped him as he chang'd his linnen, and which I could not 
observe the unfaded life and complexion of without emotions of tenderness 
and joy, that had himself too purely for their object, to partake of a loose 
or mistim'd desire. 

He was soon drest in these temporary cloaths, which neither fitted him, nor 
became the light my passion plac'd him in, to me at least; as they were on 
him, they look'd extermely well, in virtue of that magic charm which love 
put into every thing that he touch'd, or had relation to him: and where, 
indeed, was that dress that a figure like this would not give grace to? For 
now, as I ey'd him more in detail, I could not but observe the even 
favourable alteration which the time of his absence had producted in his 
person. 

There were still the requisite lineaments, still the same vivid vermilion 
and bloom reigning it hs face; but now the roses were more fully blown; the 
tan of his travels, and a beard somewhat more distinguishable, had, at the 
expense of no more delicacy than what he could well spare, given it an air 
of becoming manliness and maturity, that symmetriz'd nobly with that air of 
distinction and empire with which nature had stamp'd it, in a rare mixture 
with the sweetness of it; still nothing had he lost of that smooth plumpness 
of flesh, which, glowing with freshness, blooms florid to the eye, and 
delicious to the touch; then his shoulders were grown more square, his shape 
more form'd, more portly, but still free and airy. In short, his figure 
show'd riper, greater, and perfecter to the experienced eye, than in his 
tender youth; and now he was not much more than two and twenty. 

In this interval, however, I pick'd out of the broken often pleasingly 
interrupted account of himself, that he was, at that instant, actually on 
his road to London, in not a very paramount plight or condition, having been 
wreck'd on the Irish coast for which he had prematurely embark'd, and lost 
the little all he had brought with him from the South Seas; so that he had 
not till after great shifts and hardships, in the company of his 
fellow-traveller, the captain, got so far on his journey; that so it was 
(having hear of his father's death and circumstances) he had now the world 
to begin again, on a new account: a situation, which he assur'd me, in a 
vein of sincerity, that flowing from his heart, penetrated mine, gave him to 
farther pain, than that he had it not in his power to make me as happy as he 
could wish. My fortune, you will please to observe, I had not enter'd upon 
any overtures of, reserving to feast myself with the surprize of it to him, 
in calmer instants. And, as to my dress, it could give him no idea of the 
truth, not only as it was mourning, but likewise in a stile of plainness and 
simplicity that I had ever kept to with studied art. He press'd me indeed 
tenderly to satisfy his ardent curiosity, both with regard to my past and 
present state of life, since his being torn away from me: but I had the 
address to elude his questions, by answers that showing his satisfaction at 
rio great distance, won upon him to wave his impatience, in favour of the 
thorough confidence he had in my not delaying it, but for respects I should 
in good time acquaint him with. 

Charles, however, thus returned to my longing arms, tender, faithful, and in 
health, was already a blessing too mighty for my conception: but Charles in 
distress! ... Charles reduc'd, and broken down to his naked personal merit, 
was such a circumstance, in favour of the sentiments I had for him, as 
exceeded my utmost desires; and accordingly I seemed so visibly charm'd, so 
out of time and measure pleas'd at his mention of his ruin'd fortune, that 
he could account for it no way, but that the joy of seeing him again had 
swallow'd up every other sense, or concern. 

In the mean time, my woman had taken all possible care of Charles' 
travelling companion; and as supper was coming in, he was introduced to me, 
when I receiv'd his as became my regard for all of Charles's acquaintance or 
friends. 

We four then supp'd together, in the stile of joy, congratulation, and 
pleasing disorder that you may guess. For my part, though all these 
agitations had left me not the least stomach, but for that uncloying feast, 
the sight of my ador'd youth, I endeavour'd to force it, by way of example 
for him, who I conjectur'd must want such a recruit after riding; and, 
indeed, he eat like a traveller, but gaz'd at, and addressed me all the time 
like a lover. 

After the cloth was taken away, and the hour of repose came on, Charles and 
I were, without further ceremony, in quality of man and wife, shown up 
together to a very handsome apartment, and, all in course, the bed, they 
said, the best in the inn. 

And here, Decency, forgive me! if once more I violate thy laws and keeping 
the curtains undrawn, sacrifice thee for the last time to that confidence, 
without reserve, with which I engaged to recount to you the most striking 
circumstances of my youthful disorders. 

As soon, then, as we were in the room together, left to ourselves, the sight 
of the bed starting the remembrance of our first joys, and the thought of my 
being instantly to share it with the dear possessor of my virgin heart mov'd 
me so strongly, that it was well I lean'd upon him, or I must have fainted 
again under the overpowering sweet alarm. Charles saw into my confusion, and 
forgot his own, that was scarce less, to apply himself to the removal of 
mine. 

But now the true refining passion had regain'd thorough possession of me, 
with all its train of symptoms: a sweet sensibility, a tender timidity, 
love-sick yearnings temper'd with diffidence and modesty, all held me in a 
subjection of soul, incomparably dearer to me than the liberty of heart 
which I had been long, too long! the mistress of, in the course of those 
grosser gallantries, the consciousness of which now made me sigh with a 
virtuous confusion and regret. No real virgin, in short, in view of the 
nuptial bed, could give more bashful blushes to unblemish'd innocence, than 
I did to a sense of guilt; and indeed I lov'd Charles too truly not to feel 
severely that I did not deserve him. 

As I kept hesitating and disconcerted under this soft distraction, Charles, 
with a fond impatience, took the pains to undress me; and all I can remember 
amidst the flutter and discomposure of my senses, was, some flattering 
exclamations of joy and admiration, more specially at the feel of my 
breasts, now set at liberty from my stays, and which panting and rising in 
tumultuous throbs, swell'd upon his dear touch, and gave it the welcome 
pleasure of finding them well form'd and unfail'd in firmness. 

I was soon laid in bed, and scarce languish'd an instant for the darling 
partner of it, before he was undress'd and got between the sheets, with his 
arms clasp'd round me, giving and taking, with gust inexpressible, a kiss of 
welcome, that my heart rising to my lips stamp'd with its warmest 
impression, concurring to my bliss, with that delicate and voluptuous 
emotion which Charles alone had the secret to excite, and which constitutes 
the very life, the essence of pleasure. 

Mean while, two candles lighted on a side-table near us, and a joyous wood 
fire threw a light into the bed, that took from one sense, of great 
importance to our joys, all pretext for complaining of its being shut out of 
its share of them; and, indeed, the sight of my idolized youth was alone, 
from the ardour with which I had wished for it, without other circumstance, 
a pleasure to die of. 

But as action was now a necessity to desires so much on edge as ours, 
Charles, after a short prelusive dalliance, lifted up my linnen and his own, 
laid the broad treasures of his manly chest close to my bosom, both bleating 
with the tenderest alarms: when now, the sense of his glowing body, in naked 
touch with mine, took over all my thoughts out of my own disposal, and 
deliver'd up every faculty of the soul to the sensiblest of joys, theat 
affecting me infinitely more with my distinction of the person, than of the 
sex, now brought my conscious heart deliciously into play: my heart, which 
eternally constant to Charles, had never taken any part in my occasional 
sacrifices to the calls of constitution, complaisance, or interest. But ah! 
what became of me, when as the powers of solid pleasure thickened upon me, I 
could not help feeling the stiff stake that had been adorn'd with the 
trophies of my despoil'd virginity, bearing hard and inflexible against one 
of my thighs, which I had not yet opened, from a true principle of modesty, 
reviv'd by a passion too sincere to suffer any aiming at the false merit of 
difficulty, or my putting on an impertinent mock coyness. 

I have, I believe, somewhere before remark'd that the feel of that favourite 
piece of manhood has, in the very nature of it, something inimitably 
pathetic. Nothing can be dearer to the touch, nor can affect it with a more 
delicious sensation. Think then! as a love thinks, what must be the 
consummate transport of that quickest of our senses, in their central seat 
too! when, after so long a deprival, it felt itself re-inflam'd under the 
pressure of that peculiar scepter-member, which commands us all: but 
especially my darling, elect from point of stiffness, it felt to me 
something so subduing, so active, so solid and agreeable, that I knew not 
what name to give its singular impression: but the sentiment of 
consciousness of its belonging to my supremely beloved youth, gave me so 
pleasing an agitation, and work'd so strongly on my soul, that it sent all 
its sensitive spirits to that organ of bliss in me, dedicated to its 
reception. There, concentering to a point, like rays in a burning glass, 
they glow'd, they burnt with the intensest heat; the springs of pleasure 
were, in short, wound up to such a pitch, I panted now with so exquisitely 
keen an appetite for the eminent enjoyment, that I was even sick with 
desire, and unequal to support the combination of two distinct ideas, that 
delightfully distracted me: for all the thought I was capable of, was that I 
was now in touch, at once, with the instrument of pleasure, and the 
great-seal of love. Ideas that, mingling streams, pour'd such an ocean of 
intoxicating bliss on a weak vessel, all too narrow to contain it, that I 
lay overwhelm'd, absorbt, lost in an abyss of joy, and dying of nothing but 
immoderate delight. 

Charles then rouz'd me somewhat out of this extatic distraction, with a 
complaint softly murmured, amidst a croud of kisses, at the position, not so 
favourable to his desires, in which I receiv'd his urgent insistance for 
admission, where that insistance was alone so engrossng a pleasure, that it 
made me inconsistently suffer a much dearer one to be kept out; but how 
sweet to correct such a mistake! My thighs, now obedient to the intimations 
of love and nature, gladly disclose, and with a ready submission, resign up 
the soft gateway to the entrance of pleasure: I see, I feel the delicious 
velvet tip! ... he enters me might and main, with ... oh! my pen drops from 
me here in the extasy now present to my faithful memory! Description too 
deserts me, and delivers over a task, above its strength of wing, to the 
imagination: but its must be an imagination exalted by such a flame as mine 
that can do justice to that sweetest, noblest of all sensations, that hailed 
and accompany'd the stiff insinuation all the way up, till it was at the end 
of its penetration, sending up, through my eyes, the sparks of the love-life 
that ran all over me and blaz'd in every vein and every pore of me; a system 
incarnate of joy all over. 

I had now totally taken in love's true arrow from the point up to the 
feather, in that part, where making no new wound, the lips of the original 
one of nature, which had owed its first breathing to this dear instrument, 
clung, as if sensible of gratitude, in eager suction round it, whilst all 
its inwards embrac'd it tenderly, with a warmth of gust, a compressive 
energy, that gave it, in its way, the heartiest welcome in nature; every 
fibre there gathering right round it, and straining ambitiously to come in 
for its share of the blissful touch. 

As were giving then a few moments of pause to the delectation of the senses, 
in dwelling with the highest relish on this intimatest point of re-union, 
and chewing the cud of enjoyment, the impatience natural to the pleasure 
scon drove us into action. Then began the driving tumult on his side, and 
the responsive heaves on mine, which kept me up to him; whilst, as our 
voices, voluptuously intermixing, became organs of the touch ... and oh, 
that touch! how delicious! ... how poignantly luscious! ... And now! now I 
felt, to the heart of me! I felt the prodigious keen edge, with which love, 
presiding over this act, points the pleasure; love! that may be stiled the 
Attic salt of enjoyment; and indeed, without it, the joy, great as it is, is 
still a vulgar one, whether in a king or a beggar; for it is, undoubtedly, 
love alone that refines, ennobles and exalts it. 

Thus happy, all power, even of thought, to form the conception of a greater 
delight than what I was now consummating the fruition of. 

Charles, whose whole frame was convulsed with the agitation of his rapture, 
whilst the tenderest fires trembled in his eyes, all assured me of a perfect 
concord of joy, penetrated me so profoundly, touch'd me so vitally, took me 
so much out of my own possession, whilst he seem'd himself so much in mine, 
that in a delicious enthusiasm, I imagin'd such a transfusion of heart and 
spirit, as that realizing, and making one body and soul with him, I was he, 
and he, me. 

But all this pleasure tending, like life from its first instants, towards 
its own dissolution, liv'd too fast not to bring on upon the spur its 
delicious moment of mortality; for presently the approach of the tender 
agony discover'd itself by its usual signals, that were quickly follow'd by 
my dear love's emanation of himself, that spun out, and shot, feelingly 
indeed! up the ravish'd indraught: where the sweetly soothing balmy 
titillation opened all the juices of joy on my side, which extatically in 
flow, help'd to allay the prurient glow, and drown'd our pleasure for a 
while. Soon, however, to be on float again! for Charles, true to nature's 
laws, in one breath expiring and ejaculating, languish'd not long in the 
dissolving trance, but recovering spirit again, soon gave me to feel that 
the true-mettle springs of his instrument of pleasure were, by love, and 
perhaps, by a long vacation, wound up too high to be let down by a single 
explosion: his stiffness still stood my friend. Resuming then the action 
afresh, with dislodging, or giving me the trouble of parting from my sweet 
tenant, we play'd over-again the same opera, with the same delightful 
harmony and concert: our ardours, like our love, knew no remission; and all 
as the tide serv'd my lover, lavish of his stores, and pleasure-milked, 
over-flowed me once more from the fulness of his oval reservoirs of the 
genial emulsion: whilst, on my side, a convulsive grasp, in the instant of 
my giving down the liquid contribution, render'd me sweetly subservient at 
once to the increase of his joy, and of its effusions: moving me so, as to 
make me exert all those springs of the compressive exsuccion, with which the 
sensitive mechanism of that part thirstily draws and drains the nipple of 
Love; with much such an instinctive eagerness and attachment, as, to compare 
great with less, kind nature engages infants at the breast, mouths and 
cheeks, to extract the milkly stream prepar'd for their nourishment. 

But still there was no end of his vigour: this double discharge had so far 
from extinguish'd his desires, for that time, that it had not even calm'd 
them; and at his age, desires are power. He was proceeding then amazingly to 
push to a third triumph, still without uncasing, if a tenderness, natural to 
true love, had not inspir'd me with selfdenial enough to spare, and not 
overstrain him: and accordingly, entreating him to give himself and me 
quarter, I obtain'd, at length, a short suspension of arms, but not before 
he had exultingly satisfy'd me that he gave out standing. 

The remainder of the night, with what we borrow'd upon the day, we employ'd 
with unweary'd fervour in celebrating thus the festival of our re-meeting; 
and got up pretty late in the morning, gay, brisk and alert, though rest had 
been a stranger to us: but the pleasures of love had been to us, what the 
joy of victory is to an army: repose, refreshment, every thing. 

The journey into the country being now entirely out of the question, and 
orders having been given over-night for turning the horses heads towards 
London, we left the inn as soon as we had break-fasted, not without a 
liberal distribution of the tokens of my grateful sense of the happiness I 
had met with in it. 

Charles and I were in my coach; the captain and my companion in a chaise 
hir'd purposely for them, to leave us the conveniency of a tete-a-tete. 

Here, on the road, as the tumult of my senses was tolerably composed, I had 
command enough of head to break properly to him the course of life that the 
consequences of my separation from him had driven me into: which, at the 
same time that he tenderly deplor'd he had left me circumstanc'd, he could 
not be entirely unprepar'd for it. 

But when I opened the state of my fortune to him, and with that sincerity 
which, from me to him, was so much a nature in me, I begg'd of him his 
acceptance of it, on his own terms. I should appear to you perhaps too 
partial to my passion, were I to attempt the doing his delicacy justice. I 
shall content myself then with assuring you, that after his flatly refusing 
the unreserv'd, unconditional donation that I long persecuted him in vain to 
accept, it was at length, in obedience to his serious commands (for I stood 
out unaffectedly, till he exerted the sovereign authority which love had 
given him over me), that I yielded my consent to wave the remonstrance I did 
not fail of making strongly to him, against his degrading himself, and 
incurring the reflection, however unjust, of having, for respects of 
fortune, barter'd his honour for infamy and prostitution, in making one his 
wife, who thought herself too much honour'd in being but his mistress. 

The plea of love then over-ruling all objections, Charles, entirely won with 
the merit of my sentiments for him, which he could not but read the 
sincerity of in a heart ever open to him, oblig'd me to receive his hand, by 
which means I was in pass, among other innumerable blessings to bestow a 
legal parentage on those fine children you have seen by this happiest of 
matches. 

Thus, at length, I got snug into port, where, in the bosom of virtue, I 
gather'd the only uncorrupt sweets: where, looking back on the course of 
vice I had run, and comparing its infamous blandishments with the infinitely 
superior joys of innocence, I could not help pitying, even in point of 
taste, those who, immers'd in gross sensuality, are insensible to the so 
delicate charms of virtue, than which even pleasure has not a greater 
friend, nor than vice a greater enemy. Thus temperance makes men lords over 
those pleasures that intemperance enslaves them to: the one, parent of 
health, vigour, fertility, cheerfulness, and every other desirable good of 
life; the other, of diseases, debility, barrenness, self-loathing, with only 
every evil incident to human nature. 

You laugh, perhaps, at this tail-piece of morality, extracted from me by the 
force of truth, resulting from ccmpar'd experiences: you think it, no doubt, 
out of place, out of character; possibly too you may look on it as the 
paultry finess of one who seeks to mask a devotee of Vice under a rag of a 
veil, impudently smuggled from the shrine of Virtue: just as if one was to 
fancy one's self compleatly disguised at a masquerade, with no other change 
of dress than turning one's shoes into slippers; or, as a writer should 
think to shield a treasonable libel, by concluding it with a formal prayer 
for the King. But, independent of my flattering myself that you have a 
juster opinion of my sense and sincerity, give me leave to represent to you, 
that such a supposition is even more injurious to Virtue than to me: since, 
consistently with candour and good-nature, it can have no foundation but in 
the falsest of fears, that its pleasures cannot stand in comparison with 
those of Vice; but let truth dare to hold it up in its most alluring light: 
then mark, how spurious, how low of taste, how comparatively inferior its 
joys are to those which Virtue gives sanction to, and whose sentiments are 
not above making even a sauce for the senses, but a sauce of the highest 
relish; whilst Vices are the harpies that infect and foul the feast. The 
paths of Vice are sometimes strew'd with roses, but then they are for ever 
infamous for many a thorn, for many a canker-worm: those of Virtue are 
strew'd with roses purely, and those eternally unfading ones. 

If you do me then justice, you will esteem me perfectly consistent in the 
incense I burn to Virtue. If I have painted Vice in all its gayest colours, 
if I have deck'd it with flowers, it has been solely in order to make the 
worthier, the solemner sacrifice of it to Virtue. 

You know Mr. C*** O***, you know his estate, his worth, and good sense: can 
you, will you pronounce it ill meant, at least of him, when anxious for his 
son's morals, with a view to form him to virtue, and inspire him with a 
fix'd, a rational contempt for vice, he condescended to be his master of the 
ceremonies, and led him by the hand thro' the most noted bawdy-houses in 
town, where he took care he should be familiarized with all those scenes of 
debauchery, so fit to nauseate a good taste? The experiment, you will cry, 
is dangerous. True, on a fool: but are fools worth so much attention? 

I shall see you soon, and in the mean time think can didly of me, and 
believe me ever, MADAM, Yours, etc., etc., etc. 


THE END
